A letter to my daughter, from your mom with Crohn’s disease

My sweet daughter,

In less than 30 days you will be safe in my arms. It’s felt like a long journey to get to this point with you. Much like your brother, you’ve made me feel a sense of health that I never knew was possible. Through the creation of you and your life, I’ve found a deeper appreciation for my own.

You’ve silenced a disease that has ravaged my body for more than 13 years. _F6B0473You’ve reminded me of what is possible and what I’m capable of. You’re already an inspiration to me and you don’t even know it.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve hoped and dreamed for you. A daughter. A best friend. A relationship so sacred, so unique. Words don’t do justice for how anxious and excited I am to bring you into this world.

Just like your brother, you will see me struggle some days. Not with being your mom, but with my Crohn’s disease. It pains me to think about making you worry about my health or question when my next flare up will be, as leaving you and Reid for an extended hospital stay will be so tough on me and on our family.

I never want you to feel scared or question my resilience. Instead, I want to show you how strong I am and instill a positive attitude in you from a young age. You will witness the highs, the lows and everything in between that comes with chronic illness, but trust that mama will always come out on top. _F6B0340You and your brother serve as my greatest motivation to push through the pain and be strong. You’ll see how your dad loves and nurtures unconditionally and rises to every challenge that comes my way.

Here are my hopes for you.

A kind, happy heart. Always try and see the best in others, rather than coming to quick judgement. Soak in the happiness bestowed upon you each day and light up the room with your smile, even when the going gets tough.

A confident attitude and demeanor. Stand tall and be proud of who is looking back at you in the mirror. Love yourself for all that you are and don’t let any person make you question your worth.

A compassionate, empathetic mind. Recognize the pain of those around you, and be supportive, thoughtful and caring. Be a positive light in the lives of others.

A patience with yourself and others. Understand that life has setbacks, disappointments and pain, but that God has a plan for you. Trust in it, even when the path seems daunting or overwhelming. Try and use each challenge that comes your way as a moment to learn and grow.

A strength to use your voice. Never be afraid to speak up, be heard and communicate your hopes, dreams and fears. Feel empowered by your voice and know that everything you say and think matters._F6B0313

A life without Crohn’s disease. While there are many qualities I would love to share with you—I hope and pray you stay healthy and never receive an IBD diagnosis. I will be there every step of the way, should that ever happen. I’ll be your best advocate and your closest confidant in sickness and in health, and always.

See you soon, my sweet girl. My rainbow baby. My darling. Someday you’ll know how you’ve made my heart fill with such joy and immense gratitude.

Mama

An ode to Dads: A letter from a father of four with IBD

I’d like to give a shout out to all the dads out there who have inflammatory bowel disease, yet persistently persevere to make life happen. christian3  

I have been dealing with UC/Crohn’s for 18 years now, and in that time, I have had seven surgeries, countless procedures, two near death experiences, my colon removed, a j-pouch, my ego scared, and my relationship with God strengthened.  I’ve tried every prescription drug, had every side effect, and continue to fight the good fight on a daily basis. christianI’ve also been blessed with a beautiful wife and life partner, as well as four amazing children (10, 7, 3, and 9 months). This takes an already difficult situation, and adds more “life” responsibility as well.  

You see, as a father, you place the needs of your family and children above your own.  A father doesn’t really get a day off. And when you’re dealing with health issues that can cause daily battles, it’s easy to find yourself in a place of self-pity, weakness, or doubt.  That’s why I’m absolutely amazed to see the strength of all the dads out there that can deal with this struggle, but continue to be a dad first, push through, and ensure that “life” still happens. You see, Crohn’s doesn’t mean you can miss baseball practice, the soccer game, the anniversary dinner, or just “life” in general. Life will go on with or without you, so all those with chronic illness are heroes in my mind.   In fact, being a father of four has been the most motivating and rewarding things we could have done as a family. christian2

I can remember when I was recovering from one of my more recent surgeries, my family came in to visit me in the hospital.  Like most fathers, I felt the need to provide for my family, get back to work, I just had to get going. I just didn’t have time for this!  There are MORE than enough reasons for everyone impacted by IBD to feel defeated, want to give up, or take an easy route. My family is a CONSTANT motivation for me to keep going and keep fighting the fight. I cannot and will not let them down. I think most fathers feel that way. We are here to help shape our children, and ultimately provide the ability to learn, have fun, be kids, and eventually mold them into productive members of society.  It’s a tall order for us all, but I think men with IBD have learned to be persistent with their health battles, and that also helps us to persevere through the trials and tribulations of fatherhood.

So today and every day, I commend all of those fathers who refuse to let their disease dictate their life.christian4 Take the time to get to know a father with IBD, and you will meet one of the most courageous strong willed people in the community. As a man, we can sometimes let ourselves down because as an individual, it just impacts me. But as a father, that is not an option.  We must persist, have faith, and fight the fights every single day, so that we can continue to mold and shape our children, and provide support and guidance for our families that mean absolutely everything to us.  

We are motivated, we are strong, and we have IBD.  Above everything else though, we are blessed to be a father, and if lucky enough, a dad.