Focusing on what you can control: How this IBD Dad takes on Crohn’s

When Marquis Ellison met and began dating his wife, Tasheia, in 1999, they were juniors in high school. The couple tied the knot 13 years ago. One year into marriage, Marquis started to experience weight loss, fatigue, anemia, abdominal pain, stomach cramps, and loss of appetite. He dropped to 100 pounds! They were on an anniversary trip to Los Angeles when his symptoms started to become unbearable. After the trip, Marquis was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. He was 26 years old.

“Upon being diagnosed, I felt a sigh of relief in knowing what the condition was and starting on the right medications. I owned it and decided to beat it by how I live, educate and inspire others.”

Tasheia has been by Marquis’ side every step of the way. Every colonoscopy. Every flare. Every doctor appointment. He thanks God every day for a wife who truly exemplifies what it means to be a partner in sickness and in health.

Focusing on faith and family

Marquis keeps busy as a husband, father, and personal trainer. He gives all the credit to God.

“Faith is the cornerstone of who I am and why I have the outlook I have with Crohn’s. If God wants to completely heal me, I know He can. But if not, I know He’ll give me the strength to endure and I’m at ease with that. There’s always a greater good for what we go through and if my journey living with Crohn’s disease can inspire and encourage others, all praise to the Most High!”

Since becoming a father three years ago, Marquis says his faith and his son are his “why” …why he’s so enthusiastic about doing all he can to take care of his body and controlling what he can.

“Being a dad is the greatest gift and blessing. Knowing this little person is your responsibility. I want my son to see that while I have IBD, I don’t let it stop me and set the example he can follow when faced with life’s unpredictability. My son witnessed me running the marathon cheering me on at mile 22 and the finish line. When we got back home, he wanted to wear my medal. I asked him if he wanted to run a marathon in which he replied, ‘yes’. That was a great feeling knowing I’ve inspired my son despite my condition.”

Shout out to IBD men

When you hear about people’s IBD journeys, it’s more common to hear from women, even though Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis impact genders equally. Marquis wants men to recognize they are not alone and to speak up and tell their stories.

“Your story matters. Your voice matters. Speaking about your health and opening up doesn’t make you any less of a man, it only enhances it.”

As a Black man, the lack of representation, and health disparities, span far and wide. Marquis wants you to know you are not alone in your struggles.

“Our voices matter. The more we advocate, the more we’ll show that Black and Brown communities are affected with IBD and should be represented more often. I’m proud to be an ambassador with Color of Crohn’s and Chronic Illness (COCCI), where we’re working to bridge the gap and lack of representation.”

Running for a reason

Marquis recently completed the New York City Marathon in November. He says it was the toughest and most victorious accomplishment he’s ever experienced. His race shirt read, “Mr. Crohn’s Fighter” to represent all IBD warriors and show that you can still do remarkable things, despite your disease. Life with IBD is a marathon, not a sprint. That mentality prepared Marquis for the race.

“Living with IBD is unpredictable. The unpredictability of a flare up or foods not agreeing with you always feels like something is looming. When running, you never know how the course or weather will be. You can train hills or in the rain, but you may still face adversity you didn’t prepare for. With running and with Crohn’s disease, it’s all about mindset and the ability to adapt and repeatedly overcome. Focus on your current reality and not on what hasn’t happened or what could happen.”

He’s currently training to run the New York City Half March 20th, 2022.

Focusing on what you can control

Marquis manages his IBD through fitness, nutrition, mindset, and by taking Cimzia, a monthly self-injection. He’s all about controlling what you can and not succumbing to your circumstances.

“Life is 20% of what happens to you and 80% of how you respond to it. I choose to focus on the 80% by controlling what I can. I always say, I have Crohn’s disease, it doesn’t have me. IBD may try and take me down, but it will never knock me out.”

Connect with Marquis:

Instagram: @mr_crohnsfighter09

IBD Motherhood Unplugged: Taking on the trials of Crohn’s, infertility, and adoption

When Megan Cape of Georgia was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in January 2004 at the age of 14, she didn’t know what the future would hold in terms of pregnancy and motherhood. After years of doctors dismissing her excruciating pain as a stomach bug or a reaction to stress, she finally received an answer. During her initial hospitalization, she had an abscess the size of a softball in her abdomen that was pushing on her spine. She was also going septic. She was rushed to surgery where surgeons removed the abscess and part of her intestine, ultimately saving her life.

Fast forward to her college years and Megan met the love of her life and future husband, Colton. She studied to be a Child Life Specialist, a career near and dear to her heart since she spent so much time in and out of the hospital growing up. One of her worst flares happened on graduation day. She was able to muster up the strength to walk across the stage and grab her diploma, but then had to be carried to the car. That week—CT scans shows she had five strictures (narrowing in the intestine which doesn’t allow food to pass through). At this point, her wedding was less than a month away. Her care team delayed surgery so that she would be able to walk down the aisle. 

“On the day of my wedding, I couldn’t even take a bite of food because the pain was so intense. After our wedding and honeymoon, my health declined quickly and got to the point where I couldn’t keep water down. I was throwing up all day and night and my family was taking turns staying up with me. I had at least one ER visit a week, but, somehow, the doctors kept missing how bad things were and would send me home,” said Megan.

She ultimately landed in the hospital for five weeks, as a 23-year-old newlywed. At the time, she wasn’t thinking about children. Megan was focused on getting better and placed faith in God’s hands that when the time would be right, she would be a mom. That was until she went into her GI doctor following the hospitalization and her second surgery. There, she was told she would never have children. Megan was devastated, as you can imagine. This week’s IBD Motherhood Unplugged sheds light on navigating this heartbreaking realization and how adoption changed Megan and her husband’s lives in the most beautiful way.

The unforeseen miracles in the making

Much to Megan’s surprise, three years into their marriage, she got pregnant the first month her and her husband started trying. Unfortunately, they lost that baby. Heartbroken as they were, they were hopeful they’d get their rainbow baby. Each time, getting pregnant happened easily, but time after time, they miscarried.

“Interestingly, God laid adoption on my heart at such a young age. I always knew I wanted to be a wife and a mom, and I always saw myself adopting. But I still felt so many emotions, wondering if and when it would ever be my turn to carry a baby.”

After four miscarriages, they decided to seek guidance from fertility specialists. It was determined that because of Megan’s Crohn’s and past surgeries, the embryos weren’t attaching correctly to her uterus and blood clots were forming, causing her to miscarry. Her physicians believed IVF was her only option, and she was ready to jump in with both feet. Megan and Colton went through all the testing and blood work, but everything came to halt when her doctor conveyed his worries about complications with egg retrieval and such in Crohn’s patients. Megan said the unknown of how her body would respond to IVF in addition to the daunting cost of it all, caused them to re-think their approach to family planning.

Preparing their hearts for something bigger

While in waiting, Megan feels God kept bringing amazing adoption stories in front of her. Stories that reminded her of when she was a little girl and told herself that would be part of her family one day.

“After years of TTC (trying to conceive) and miscarriages, I approached my husband and brought up adoption. I was truly shocked by his response because, without any hesitation, he said, “Let’s do it!” We both had an amazing peace about it and quickly began the adoption process. We had no idea what all goes into adoption and, woah, it’s a lot!”

Megan says adoption was the best and hardest thing they’ve ever done. She credits much of their “success story” to their amazing support system of family and friends who rallied around them to help raise money, to encourage them through the journey, to let them cry on hard days, and celebrate the exciting milestones.

“Nine months into the adoption process, and a month after being an ‘active’ waiting family, we got the call. A birth mom had picked us! She fell in love with us, our story, and our family after looking at our profile book. We were going to have a daughter in 3 short months!” Megan did not include that she had Crohn’s in their adoption profile book, but shared she was unable to have children. 

The blessing of Vivian Rose

Megan and her Colton’s daughter, Vivian Rose, was born October 14th, 2019. She is the answer to years and years of prayer, their miracle baby, and the light of their lives.

“Managing a chronic illness when you’re a mom is definitely hard at times! Thankfully, my Crohn’s has been under control since Viv was born and I’ve just had a few bad days here and there. Because of COVID-19, my husband has been working from home for the last year. So, on my hard days, he will take Vivian for a few hours to run errands and such so I can rest,” says Megan. “I definitely think it takes a village to raise kids in general, but, even more so, when you have IBD.”

Since becoming a mom, Megan has taken her health more seriously.

“I don’t ever want Viv to say, “Ugh. My mom is sick again.” And I don’t ever want to miss out on her day-to-day life because I’m not feeling well – as unrealistic as that may be! I have been much more intentional about eating foods that make me feel well and give me energy. I also make sure to listen to my body more and I try not to push myself as much as I always have!”

The main IBD-related symptom Megan has struggled with recently is fatigue—the kind of fatigue where you feel like you could sleep for two weeks straight and still wake up tired. 

“I get frustrated with myself, sometimes, because I don’t have the amount of energy other mamas do, but I do my best and I know that’s all I can do.”

The role of faith through IBD and infertility

Megan says she never questioned God’s plans for her life when she was diagnosed with Crohn’s during her teenage years, but infertility made her do so.

“It was, truly, the loneliest and darkest point of my entire life. I had a constant ache in my heart and the sadness I felt was unreal. As one friend after another told me they were pregnant, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was so happy for everyone around me, but it did make it that much harder. I felt so left out and so alone. I remember, so clearly, God speaking two things to me during this time: The age 29 and the thought that I wasn’t going to be left out.”

Megan wishes she could go back in time and tell her 26-year-old self what she knows now. 

“I wish I could tell her that everything is going to be okay. I wish I could tell her that 29 is the age she will become a mama to the most perfect baby girl. I wish I could tell her that God has big plans for her family, and he has not forgotten about her, but that His timing is perfect.”

Megan’s advice for IBD mamas in waiting

Megan’s best advice—do not give up. Lean into your spouse because they are not only serving as a caregiver for your IBD, but they are also hurting about the struggle to have a family. If you become an adoptive family, you’ll see that your child is handpicked for you and that the make-up of your family will be knit exactly how it was meant to be.

“We would love to give Viv a sibling, but, at this point, we are just enjoying our girl and soaking up every minute with her! Adoption doesn’t cure infertility – meaning that it is still hard sometimes that we can’t just decide to give Viv a sibling and do so easily! And I will never have a big belly or carry a baby to term. But that’s okay! If God calls us to adopt again, we will do so. We may even go the surrogacy route or Vivi may be an only child. I know, if God wants us to grow our family, it will be made obvious and we will trust Him and follow His lead.”

Megan says she refuses to allow her Crohn’s disease to define her, even though it’s dictated and shaped much of her life journey. Her IBD is the reason she can’t have kids. The reason adoption was laid on her heart at a young age. The reason she’s mom to Vivian Rose. The reason she’s disciplined. The reason she chose her college major. The reason her faith and her marriage are so strong. And the reason she has the perspective and maturity to understand that despite the setbacks and trials placed before her, she still lives a blessed life that she is grateful for.

Connect with Megan on Instagram: @mrsmeggcape