Growing through the grief of COVID-19: Love, A mom with daughters recently diagnosed with Crohn’s

Life was much different for Michelle Manasseh and her family of Orange County, California, one year ago. For starters, her daughters had not been diagnosed with IBD and we weren’t living in the middle of a global pandemic. This week, Michelle shares what it’s like being a parent of two kids newly diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, while trying to navigate everything that is COVID-19.

It hasn’t even been nine months since Eve (age 11) and Ruthie (age 9), BOTH of our kids, were diagnosed with Crohn’s, and BOOM—COVID-19 happens! So yeah, let’s pile pandemic on top of chronic illness, on top of school being cancelled indefinitely, on top of no contact with any. other. human. soul. for. weeks. on. end. What do we call this? Grief. 5EEF5B29-5EB9-407F-9154-F708F04B5F38

There’s no other name for it. Our whole culture is grieving. One important lesson that the kids’ diagnosis has taught me is how to grieve. And I mean how to really grieve. Parents of kids with IBD know a thing or two about grief. We went through it when our kid was diagnosed, when the next kid was diagnosed, when the flare hit, when the medication changed, when the game plan failed. It comes in waves and it comes out of nowhere.

Our culture has taught us to numb and distract – don’t do it! Don’t miss the chance to be refined by the pandemic fire. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, but we need to let ourselves feel emotions so we can come through this with true peace and wisdom. If we avoid the fire or pretend it isn’t there, we are doing ourselves – and our kids – a disservice. We need to teach them that grieving is normal and ok. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be sad. We need to remind them that we are all feeling the same things and we will get through it together.

We can’t fix this

Something I realized pretty quickly after my girls were diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease is that I couldn’t fix it. There wasn’t a single special diet, mix of herbs, supplements, exercise, tincture, oil, weed, seed, handstand, or flip that could fix it. And this was a painful truth to learn. As a parent, our natural instinct is to fix things for our kids. We’re stocked with band aids, kisses, and unsolicited advice.

Crohn’s is beyond my control. This has been very humbling for me. Likewise, COVID-19 is humbling our culture. I think it’s revealing a huge blind spot. With the rise of self-proclaimed health experts and medical misinformation circulating broadly across our connected culture, people have believed that they can fix all their own medical problems. Now that blindness is obvious. Just as IBD is not a stomach ache, COVID-19 is not a common cold. We can’t fix it. People are feeling helpless and turning to doctors in desperation. I hope a silver lining is that it invigorates the medical profession and brings to our culture a profound respect for doctors, nurses, and all healthcare workers.

Uncertainty illuminates

For the first time in several decades, the whole world is living under a bleak cloud of uncertainty because of COVID-19. A similar dark cloud rolled over our home last summer when Eve and Ruthie were diagnosed with Crohn’s. I learned that with great uncertainty comes deep discomfort. It forces us down tunnels of self-examination, to take stock of our lives and our purpose. It illuminates our utter dependence on God.

Crisis also has a way of illuminating our deep-seated motivations. Who are we seeing on TV and across social media lately? People with the purest motivations. Doctors. Actors reading sonnets and bedtime stories. Public officials creating guidelines to protect us. Musicians playing across balconies. This is a great teaching moment for our kids. Become a financial advisor to help people. Be a writer to reveal truth. An artist to bring joy. A doctor to bring healing. A musician to bring beauty. An actor to tell stories that need to be told.

What can we do?

Parents – we are navigating a global pandemic with immunosuppressed kids with chronic illness. Let’s be honest, we have massive fears. I had to bring Eve in for an MRI two weeks ago. In my mind, the machine was basically a plastic tube crawling with yellow spindly germs. Never mind a mask – why didn’t someone plastic wrap my child?!? IMG_8604

We are dealing with a heck of a lot, and none of us is perfect. I’m quite certain that my kids will never again ask to be home schooled. The main skill we’ve mastered so far is how to do a Zoom conference while driving to infusions! On Friday night I sipped wine while the girls smeared Nutella on crackers after eating only half of their dinner. Two days later I inadvertently put Eve’s daily Miralax in Ruthie’s water bottle. (Oh gosh, is she flaring!?!) I, for one, would relish a shirt that says “WORK IN PROGRESS” printed in bold neon letters.

No, we aren’t perfect, but we do have something to give. We have a unique perspective and experience. We can be a voice. More importantly, we can be an ear—for our kids and for others. Call a friend and listen. Tell people the good things you’re thinking about them. Tell them you love them. And very importantly, take the time to thank your kids’ teachers, doctors, and nurses for all they have done and continue to do—they are real life heroes.

 

Healthline unveils new IBD app: What you need to know

This article is sponsored by Healthline. Thoughts and opinions are my own.

I met my husband thanks to a dating site nearly six years ago. I never dreamed I would one day be able to connect with fellow IBD warriors through an app, but hey thanks to Healthline, it’s now possible! IBD_Facebook_Ads-1200x628_Real-Life_5Over the next month, I’ll be partnering with IBD Healthline. I am so excited to share my journey using the app and explain how you too can benefit from all its invaluable features.

When I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at age 21 in 2005, I felt incredibly isolated, alone and scared. Like anyone with chronic illness, it can be difficult to not only articulate theses stresses but find people who genuinely care and empathize. The IBD Healthline app addresses this by providing a safe space to conversate with those who live your reality. By communicating with others in the IBD community, it empowers us and is a reminder that there’s a huge network of support right at our fingertips, 24 hours a day.

My favorite functions of the app

One of my favorite parts of Healthline’s IBD app is how it connects you with one new member each day, based on your disease, age, and lifestyle interests. You can check out fellow member profiles and request to connect, too! IBD_Facebook_Ads-1200x628_Real-Life_2I don’t know about you, but the more people I know with IBD, the stronger it makes me feel as I take on the disease.

Healthline’s IBD app is a great gathering place for our community to share experiences, learn from one another and offer support. Many of us tend to sugarcoat our day-to-day experiences, here you can be honest and trust that you won’t be judged for your struggles or setbacks. It’s intuitive and easy to use, whether you’re a patient or a caregiver.

Along with the personal connections, there are medically approved wellness articles IMG_0811and podcasts shared each week on everything from diagnosis to nutrition and self-care tips. The more educated we are about our illness, the better advocates we can be for our care.

Check out the Live Chats

Another great aspect of the app is the “Live Chat” function. Each Healthline Ambassador will be hosting chats in the coming weeks. Save the date—I’ll be hosting a live chat Monday, June 3 about dating, relationships and marriage with IBD. I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to share my personal insight on this subject matter with you and lead the discussion. It’s my hope my words and patient journey will comfort you and give you hope as you navigate life with IBD.

This free app is brand new and was just launched this month. You can download it onto Apple and Android devices by searching for “IBD Healthline”. As patients we are up against so many unknowns, this app is a great constant to have as you deal with the feel-good days and the not so good days. I look forward to connecting with you all!

You can access the free IBD Healthline app here: https://go.onelink.me/LOC7/6dae5800.

Taking on IBD one step at a time: Getting empowered through Team Challenge

One of the many benefits of getting involved with the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation is finding people locally who understand and live your reality. I became friends with a woman named Angie last year. facebook_1529431731870She’s a resilient person with a positive attitude. Her energy is contagious. This week, a guest post about her involvement with Team Challenge and how it’s enabled her to find community not just in St. Louis, but throughout the United States. I’ll allow Angie to take it away…

My journey began with inflammatory bowel disease began in April 2011. For me, symptoms went from non-existent to emergency surgery within a month of first waking up with cramps and diarrhea. I had been a healthy active person up to that point and I was a month shy of my 46th birthday.

I was first diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, but that diagnosis was later changed to Crohn’s disease. Due to reoccurring abscesses, my GI doctor ordered some additional tests that showed I have Crohn’s. When I was first diagnosed with IBD, I had never heard of Crohn’s disease. There was so much to learn and absorb, but I was so sick, it was hard to take it all in. My emergency surgery resulted in a total colectomy. I had a perforated bowel in 4 places. Once the surgeon opened me up, he discovered things were much worse than he expected and I had sepsis. Those early days in the hospital were hard, but I was committed to staying positive and hopeful.

One of my favorite ways to stay active had always been power walking. If I could walk somewhere vs getting in my car and driving there, that was my path of least resistance. So, getting to a point where I felt well enough to get back to exercising was a goal of mine. Ironically when I first asked my doctor when he thought I’d be well enough to power walk again, he recommend I not walk too far because he knew I’d probably need to use the restroom. In those first couple years living with Crohn’s, I was taking 20+ pills a day and probably using the restroom 30+ times a day. I was fragile and got short winded quickly, even walking to the corner in my neighborhood was a challenge.  I stayed hopeful that brighter days were ahead. I was very fortunate to have a very supportive group of friends and family around me.

Fast forward to the fall of 2015. I was feeling much stronger since being on Humira for about a year. facebook_1529431766690I saw a post on Facebook about Team Challenge and an upcoming Rock and Roll Marathon and Half Marathon that was taking place in February 2016 in New Orleans. I didn’t hesitate to sign up and commit to doing a Half Marathon and fundraising to find a cure for Crohn’s & Colitis. Almost immediately, one of my childhood girlfriends decided she was going to do the Half with me and she too joined Team Challenge. I’m not sure we knew what we were getting into, but we were 100 percent committed. Two ladies, soon to be 50, and neither had even done a 10K, let alone a Half Marathon! In full disclosure, we always knew we were going to walk, not run the Half. We might be crazy, but as they say, we were only “Half Crazy”!

Team Challenge has been one of the best decisions of my life. It has been a truly life changing experience. I am about to start training for my third Team Challenge race taking place in November in Savannah, GA. Team Challenge is a few hundred people who share one common goal, which is to find a cure for IBD. Once you sign up, you commit to a fundraising goal, but Team Challenge provides the coaching and training to not only complete the race, but to reach your goal and have fun along the way.

Race weekend is amazing! There are opportunities throughout the weekend to meet with your individual team, as well as the entire Team Challenge family. The night before the race there is an inspirational pasta dinner.

The evening is filled with tears of joy and we celebrate our combined mission of finding a cure. Some are parents running or walking for a child, some are friends and family running in memory of a loved one lost, and some are like me – a Crohn’s patient determined to not let Crohn’s hijack her life!

My advice to anyone looking to feel empowered against IBD would be to get involved with Team Challenge. I have made so many new friends and I’ve gained so much confidence through my involvement. I guarantee you’ll leave race weekend with a feeling of accomplishment and you’ll feel the love from the Team Challenge tribe that is now an extended family and support system of your own.

Click here to learn more about how you can get involved with Team Challenge.