Putting the debate to rest: IBD fatigue isn’t your “normal” type of tired

I was putting away the dishes after dinner when I paused, exhaled, and said to my husband, “Whew. I just got a major wave of fatigue.” He said, “Yeah, I feel tired right now, too.” This isn’t the first time a healthy, able-bodied person has responded this way—and I know everyone with a chronic illness can relate. I kind of laughed and tried to explain why chronic illness fatigue wasn’t the same as feeling tired, but I was coming up short for words and having difficulty explaining the difference. My husband, Bobby, genuinely wanted to know why I thought my fatigue was different than his and how I knew it was. I said I used to be healthy. I used to not have a chronic illness. I know what tired felt like then and what fatigue feels like now.

Articulating pain with IBD and fatigue can be so challenging—even though it’s something that is so much a part of our day-to-day experience. Unless you live it and it’s your reality, it’s difficult to put the experience into words.

I called upon the IBD family on Twitter and Instagram to see how they describe their own personal fatigue. Here are some of the responses:

“Imagine your car being on empty and you put $5 worth of gas in the tank until you’re running on fumes. Then you put $5 worth of gas again, and you continue this process for months at a time…while sometimes running out of gas completely multiple times along the way.”

“Having to run a consistent marathon without stopping while carrying a toddler in the front and a backpack with a week’s worth of supplies on your back…in flats.”

“Mentally feeling like you have the energy to do simple tasks, but your body physically won’t let you. Knowing I need to walk 100 feet to get in my work building and having to give myself a pep talk to do it because I’m not sure I’ll make it without having to sit down.”

“You’re tired from being tired. You are just over everything and the day drags on and on. A nap doesn’t help because you “waste” your day, but the truth is you can’t even take a shower because the thought is way too much energy.”

“Like you’re walking with ankle and wrist weights on 24/7. There are days I feel like I’m walking through a fog so dense in my head I can touch it.”

“When I think of chronic fatigue for me it means faking being well. When getting out of bed or getting a shower is an accomplishment or needing to rest after taking a shower. No matter how much sleep you get you still wake up tired. Chronic illness fatigue is physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.”

“Trying to motivate yourself when you’re fatigued and having brain fog is how I imagine swimming in syrup or molasses would be.”

“It’s the feeling of exhaustion, hopelessness, and loss. You’re beaten down from managing your condition and the various negative side effects that come with it on top of trying to function in whatever role you’re trying to play on a daily basis (for me: wife, mother, employee, and friend). It’s trying to make the most out of life but knowing you’re limited. It’s mourning the person you once were and want to be at that time. It’s physically, mentally, and emotionally draining.”

“I explained the fatigue to my students that just thinking about lifting my legs to walk or the mechanics of moving my limbs is exhausting…let alone the act of doing it. Everything feels heavy.”

 “Down to the bone, exhaustion in my core, something that is impossible to push through.”

“I like it’s like first trimester fatigue! But, with no end in sight and nothing hopeful to show for the symptoms like a baby!”

“Like your body is made of bricks. Your mind knows you need to get up and do something—change over the laundry, send an email, but your mind cannot make your body move.”

“Living in a constant state of exhaustion. No amount of sleep or rest seems to shake it.”

“For me…I would describe chronic illness fatigue as KNOWING your car has no more fuel and having to get out and push it home yourself.”

“Heaviness in my body. Just surviving, not thriving. Frustrating because I want to do more things but can’t always.”

“Being tired as soon as you wake up, until you go to bed. Never fully feeling rested. Planning naps throughout a day. Heavy eyes. Mood swing when beyond exhausted.”

“Like constantly living under 10x gravity.”

“Like someone pulled the plug out.”

“Like moving through the mud. It can also creep up on you when you least expect it, sort of like this year’s global pandemic—all encompassing and has no sympathy.”

“Like I’m wearing 100 pounds worth of sandbags that don’t go away even when I get lots of sleep.”

“Waking up and still being tired. No amount of coffee can fix this tired.”

Stop the comparison game

After reading these descriptions, my hope is that the next time you try and compare your fatigue or tiredness to someone with a chronic illness you pause and be selective of your words. Of course, everyone is entitled to be and feel tired, but it’s not an even playing field energy-wise when you’re a healthy, able-bodied person. Coffee, naps, and sleeping in help most of the population feel energized and re-charged, but fatigue with chronic illness is often untouchable. A full night’s rest can still leave you feeling exhausted. A coffee may have no impact. A nap may cause the fatigue to be even more pronounced. As an IBD mom, it can be frustrating to hear someone without a chronic illness try and diminish my personal struggles by equating them to theirs when there is truly no comparison.

Halloween Happenings and IBD: Advice from GI’s and parents of pediatrics

Halloween is extra scary this year for all the wrong reasons. It’s especially challenging for children with IBD who are immunocompromised. This week on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s I share input and advice from several gastroenterologists about everything from trick-or-treating to flu season, along with the game plan four IBD families have in place for the holiday. Much like anything with this pandemic, we’re trying to do the best we can to live, while also staying safe.

As an IBD mom myself, I’m still conflicted about how best to celebrate Halloween with my kids this year. We have their costumes, and the house is decorated festively, but I’m extremely hesitant to allow my 3.5-year-old son to get candy from strangers in the middle of a pandemic. Our game plan is to hang out with my sister-in-law’s family as we do every year. I’ve been inspired by how fellow IBD families are creatively adapting and making adjustments to celebrate. I think you will be, too.

Nicole’s daughter Addy is 15 and has Crohn’s disease. She’s on Humira. Nicole said her family already had a little “pow wow” to discuss Halloween and how it was going to be this year. They’ve decided to celebrate over the span of two days by doing the following:

  • Making Halloween Gingerbread houses
  • Decorating Halloween Cookies
  • Having a glow in the dark scavenger hunt (The lights in the house will be out, the kids will have glow sticks/flashlights and they will have to use clues to find their bags of Halloween décor. With the bags of décor, each child will create a mini haunted house in their bedroom and go “trick or treating” to the different bedrooms and experience their siblings’ haunted house.
  • On Halloween night Nicole is going to make a Halloween-themed dinner
  • The family will watch Blair Witch Project

Nicole says being immunocompromised through COVID has been incredibly challenging for her daughter. She says they are trying to balance everything so that Addy doesn’t fully resent her disease.

“She sees that her friends are hanging out together, not social distancing, and not getting sick. We have had many moments filled with tears and frustration and we are doing the best we can to try and offer social interactions in the safest ways. But, she is a teen…and the efforts are hardly enough. Halloween this year is something my kids are all excited about, but it’s the day-to-day stuff that is most challenging through the pandemic.”

Ebony’s 14-year-old son, Jamar, is on Remicade infusions to manage his Crohn’s disease. Jamar was diagnosed with IBD when he was nine. He’s now a freshman in high school and attending school daily in-person for half a day with the hopes of making the basketball team.

“Even though Jamar is attending school, we decided as a family that we are not going to do anything for Halloween this year. We also plan to celebrate the holidays at home, to keep on the safe side. Since he was diagnosed with IBD and expressed sadness that he didn’t understand why he had to have this illness, I’ve explained to him that we’ll get through this together and that I’ll always support him—and that hasn’t changed through this pandemic,” said Ebony.

Paulina’s nine-year-old son, Grayson, also has Crohn’s. He’s on Pentasa, Entocort, and Omeprazole to manage it. She says her family plans to dress up in costumes as usual. Grayson is going to be Bowser from Super Mario Brothers. They have tickets for a drive through Halloween event at the community center by their home in California. Paulina says even though they have to stay in the car this year, Grayson and his sister are still excited to see all the decorations and participate in the scavenger hunt.

“We also plan on faux trick or treating, where we still go out and walk around our neighborhood and enjoy spotting cool decorations, BUT I will bring a bag of goodies and little prizes. For every few houses we walk by, they’ll get a surprise goodie put into their bag. Grayson will be able to go through his “loot” once we’re back home. I’m sure we’ll watch Nightmare Before Christmas (it’s a family favorite). Halloween falls on a Saturday and on a full moon…how could we possibly miss the nightly walk?”

Paulina says Grayson often feels frustrated when the topic of “being immunocompromised” comes up, but that he understands they are being overly cautious for his own health and that of others.

Cindy’s 10-year-old daughter, Jean, has Crohn’s disease and is on weekly Humira injections. She says Jean is in that interesting phase of childhood where she still kind of wants to go trick-or-treating, but also feels like she’s outgrowing it or too cool for that. This year, Jean is going to attend a small outdoor get-together on Halloween night with four classmates. It’s important to note—Jean has been attending 5th grade—in-person, five days a week since August.

“The kids will make s’mores and pizza and watch a spooky kid movie on an outdoor screen. Because she and her friends are in the same classroom “pod” and she spends more waking hours with these classmates than she does in our own home, we are accepting of her celebrating with them.”

Cindy says Jean’s friends and their families have been extremely accommodating to her immunocompromised status throughout the pandemic.

“When she has visited their homes or on limited occasions shared a carpool, these families have been careful to pursue a combination of exclusive outdoor time, mask-wearing, windows down on car rides, pre-packaged or restaurant carry-out snacks and meals, and having freshly cleaned bathrooms dedicated for guests’ use. Other parents proactively talk through risk mitigation and I couldn’t appreciate them more for their thoughtfulness. Immunocompromised or not, we all share similar concerns during COVID.”

Cindy went on to say she thinks Jean will trick-or-treat with her five-year-old brother at a few of their next door neighbors’ houses. They live in Indianapolis and trick-or-treating is “not recommended” by the county health department there, but she expects many of her neighbors will still be handing out candy.

“I also intend to hand out candy from our driveway, so long as trick or treaters or their parents are wearing face masks. This follows our family’s general approach on life during COVID: we are more concerned about “shared air” than we are about surfaces. We believe (and science indicates) surface infection can be largely addressed through handwashing. Because trick or treating can occur in outdoor spaces, we feel somewhat comfortable with that – balanced with the fact that while we are extremely concerned about COVID and have taken all precautions since March – we strive for an ounce of normalcy. There are enough parts of Jean’s life that are not typical due to living with Crohn’s Disease – whenever we can control any part of her life feeling “normal” we make every effort to do so. This was the case before COVID and will remain so afterward.”

Cindy says she reminds her daughter they are doing everything they can to protect her health, while also doing their best to ensure Jean can pursue all the parts of her life that bring her joy. It’s not an easy tightrope to walk, and as an adult with IBD, my hat truly goes off to parents trying to navigate these unforeseen times for their children.

What Gastroenterologists are recommending for Halloween and beyond

Dr Miguel Regueiro, M.D., Chair, Department of Gastroenterology, Hepatology, and Nutrition, at the Cleveland Clinic says he thinks it’s important for people to “live” and be with family and friends. He has a few tips and tricks (or treats!). (His joke, I can’t take credit!)

“For outside events or walking the neighborhood, this is probably the safest as we are learning that open air events are the least likely for transmission of COVID. At the same time, I would still practice wearing masks, social distancing, and practicing good handwashing. Avoid personal contact, shaking hands, hugging, etc.”

For those distributing candy, Dr. Regueiro says it would be prudent to wear gloves (nitrile gloves or similar) to avoid directly touching the candy. Out of abundance of caution, he said it would be reasonable to also wear gloves to unwrap the candy.

“Regarding trick or treating in malls or confined spaces, this would be less optimal than open air. Masks, social distancing, and hand hygiene is a must. Parties or gatherings in houses should follow the guidance of local health advice. Some parts of the country may have a much lower rate of COVID. Overall, though, I would avoid close gatherings in enclosed spaces, which means avoiding these parties, especially if immunocompromised.”

Dr. Regueiro wants to mention that the IBD Secure Registry is finding that IBD patients on immunosuppressive agents/biologics are NOT at increased risk of contracting COVID. He says while this news can be comforting, it may also be that those with IBD on these types of medications have been extra cautious.

“Everyone should get the flu shot. Getting influenza may mimic symptoms of COVID, and influenza is also a very serious virus. We think getting influenza and COVID could be even more dangerous. Getting plenty of sleep, staying well hydrated, eating healthy, and exercising are also important for the immune system and health. Don’t let yourself get run down.”

Dr. Anil Balani, M.D., Director, Inflammatory Bowel Disease Program for Capital Health Center for Digestive Health in New Jersey does not recommend indoor Halloween parties either, even if kids and parents are wearing masks (whether it’s part of the costume or a regular mask).

“With indoor settings it is hard to control the ventilation settings which could potentially increase the risk of airborne transmission, and furthermore many kids may find it difficult to breath indoors with a mask on.”

Dr. Balani says trick or treating, if it’s limited to outside, is probably ok. Although kids should wear masks when doing so.

“Children can trick or treat with their parents or siblings instead of a group of large friends, unless they are with a small group of friends that are in their “pods,” or groups of friends whose parents have been very careful with all COVID related precautions the entire time. Parents of immune compromised kids can also pick up the treats for the kids.”

Along with maintaining proper handwashing and social distancing precautions, Dr. Balani advises everyone to get the flu shot, unless there are medical contradictions. He recommends taking a healthy dose of vitamins including Vitamin C and zinc and continue to stay on top of all your IBD medical care to keep your disease managed and under control the best you can.

“The SECURE-IBD registry has shown us that people who are in the midst of an IBD flare are at high risk for complications from COVID should they contract the virus. On the other hand, if one is in remission, they are likely to have a better outcome from the virus, regardless of which IBD medical therapy they are on.”

When it comes to celebrating Halloween with his own family Dr. Balani and his wife have a few tricks up their sleeves. Instead of typical door to door trick or treating, they plan to set up an outdoor movie night with Halloween-themed movies, have an outdoor candy/treat hung similar to an Easter egg hunt with family and/or a close knit group of friends, host an outdoor pumpkin carving party, and have a backyard costume/glow dance party.

And don’t feel like you need to throw out your kids’ Halloween candy! Studies suggest that the SARS-COV2 virus may not be infectious on surfaces for too long. If there are doubts or concerns, Dr. Balani recommends leaving the candy out for a few days to allow any virus particles to die. Parents can also open the wrappers for their kids.

Dr. Maria Oliva-Hemker, M.D., Director, Division of Pediatric Gastroenterology, Hepatology, and Nutrition at Johns Hopkins suggests for families to look for other creative ways of celebrating Halloween this year, regardless of whether a child has IBD or not.

She recommends:

  • Virtual costume parties
  • Halloween movie or craft night
  • Making special Halloween-themed treats at home
  • Outdoor costume parades where physical distancing is possible
  • Checking to see if the local zoo or other outdoor venues in the area are sponsoring a safe, community event, following social distance guidelines.

“Those who hand out treats on Halloween will hopefully wear face coverings and model safe behaviors. If you are trick or treating, consider going to a smaller number of homes compared to past years,” said Dr. Oliva-Hemker.

Prior to making Halloween plans, Dr. Oliva-Hemker says families should be aware of the levels of COVID cases in their communities, as well as where their family members are coming from.

“For example, if they are coming in, or coming from a hot zone, they may want to consider holding a virtual event or be absolutely sure that they follow known guidelines for safety (masks, handwashing, physical distancing).”

She also says she can’t stress enough that this virus can be controlled in our society—other countries have been able to get a handle on things by people following public health guidelines.

“The virus does not know your political, religious or other affiliation—as a physician my hope is that our country pays more attention to what reputable scientists and public health experts are telling us. Taking care of this virus will also get the country back on track economically.”

Handling Halloween When You’re an Immunocompromised Parent

Mom (and dad!) guilt throughout this pandemic has reared its ugly head a few times especially if you live with a chronic illness and are immunocompromised. The last thing I want is for my kids to miss out on fun and experiences because of my health condition.

Dr. Harry Thomas, M.D., Austin Gastroenterology, says, “For parents with IBD, taking children trick-or-treating outdoors – while maintaining social distance, wearing face coverings, using hand sanitizer, and avoiding large gatherings – is, in my opinion, a reasonable option, provided they are not on steroids. However, I would recommend avoiding indoor gatherings, especially without masks, given the rising case numbers in many areas now.”

Along with receiving the flu shot, Dr. Thomas recommends IBD parents to talk with their IBD provider about the two pneumococcal (pneumonia) vaccines, Pneumovax and Prevnar 13.

Navigating the upcoming holiday season in November and December

Halloween is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the holiday season. There’s no doubt this will be an extremely hard time for us all.

“This is normally a time to celebrate with friends and family. But with the COVID pandemic, unfortunately things cannot be the same. This will be especially difficult for those of us living in the cooler climates where the tendency is to go indoors. For any potential indoor gatherings, it would be ideal to limit the number of people to allow safe social distancing. I would encourage families that are planning on staying together multiple days to consider getting tested for COVID before getting together,” said Dr. Balani. 

How Crohn’s Disease Inspired Ted Fleming to Create Partake Brewing

Ted Fleming of Calgary gave up alcohol more than a decade ago to keep his IBD symptoms and disease activity under control. He was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2005, at age 25. Ted says he not only missed the taste of beer, but discovering new beers. Even more than that, he found he missed the social connection that comes with sharing a drink with a colleague after a hard day’s work, cracking a beer with the guys after hockey, and joining in to celebrate special occasions.

A friend suggested he try non-alcoholic beer. Ted says the problem is most tasted awful and there was almost nothing on the market in terms of variety. It was at that point Ted decided to launch Partake Brewing. His hope—to bring all things that make craft beer great to non-alcoholic beer drinkers including taste, variety, authenticity, creativity, and passion. Now 42, Ted, is a shining example of someone whose career path evolved because of and was inspired by his IBD.

I was intrigued by his patient journey and how he got to where he is today. Here’s his Lights, Camera, Crohn’s interview:

NH: How has your patient journey with Crohn’s disease the last 15-plus years helped you create a successful business?

TF: “The discipline around my own personal health has helped me as a business owner to set priorities and largely keep to those priorities. There are many distractions and potential paths to go down as an early stage business so planning and having the discipline to stick to the plan over the long-haul are critically important.”

NH: How do you manage your IBD (medication/lifestyle wise)?

TF: “Regular exercise, medication (Humira), dietary changes (limited red meat, no uncooked veggies, no alcohol), get enough sleep, and be social.”

NH: What advice do you have for those who are worried about finding a career path they’re passionate about while juggling their IBD?

TF: “I am fortunate to have had some long periods of remission, but early on I struggled and that impacted my journey to find a career that was rewarding in ways important to me. Being willing to try new things is a good way to test interests, but with IBD, we don’t always feel up to it… so knowing when to say no and being ok with that is a necessary skill that takes practice.”

NH: How do you navigate the stress associated with running a business and managing your Crohn’s?

TF: “Managing stress has been an important part of my journey and I find that when I do start to have trouble with my Crohn’s, stress is usually one of the triggers. We each manage stress differently so finding what works best for you is important and integrating regular stress relief and stress avoidance into your daily routine can pay huge dividends. Besides avoiding alcohol, I have adopted better sleeping habits, exercise regularly, plan to socialize directly with people, and largely refrain from using social media.”

NH: What type of feedback have you received from customers? Any IBD folks reach out and thank you for creating this?

TF: “We are so lucky to have some of the best fans in the world, our consumers are incredibly passionate about our beer and our mission. We get emails regularly from consumers from all walks of life who are grateful to have the opportunity to enjoy a great beer no matter what their reason for partaking. The IBD community has really rallied around us and I am incredibly grateful and humbled by their outpouring of support. It was this feedback, particularly in the early stages of the business, that helped us push through the inevitable challenges of running a startup and to this day gives us a powerful purpose.”

NH: What sets your non-alcoholic beer apart from the rest?

TF: “Partake Brewing’s beer is crafted with international award-winning recipes, is incredibly delicious, and is only 10-30 calories per can. Our beer is also brewed with four simple ingredients but is packed full of flavor. When I started Partake Brewing, I wanted to not only brew a great beer but I also wanted to bring a variety of great beers to the non-alcoholic market so anyone can Partake on their own terms.”

NH: How/where can people get their hands on Partake?

TF: “You can find Partake Brewing on shelves across Canada and the USA, but you can also have it delivered straight to your door from DrinkPartake.com. In Canada, you can find us at major retailers such as Safeway/Sobeys, Loblaws, Atlantic Superstore, Great Canadian Superstore, and the LCBO as well as many others. In the US, we are sold at Total Wine & More and select Whole Foods.”

Connect with Partake Brewing

Instagram: @partakebrewing

Facebook and Twitter: @DrinkPartake

Why IBD Forces You to Take Off the Rose-Colored Glasses and See Clearly

I remember the first time I put glasses on in fourth grade and no longer saw the world unclearly. I can still recall the first time I wore contacts sophomore year of high school and experienced how crisp life is supposed to look. Prior to glasses and corrective lenses, I thought my vision was how everyone else saw. I recently came across a discussion on Twitter by Jessica Caron (ChronicallyJess) about how you would describe your IBD journey at the beginning—in one word. One woman, Emily Morgan (@EmMorgan27) replied with the word blurry.

That response got me thinking. It’s spot on for so many reasons. Take yourself back in time to the first week you were diagnosed with Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis and the clarity you’ve gained and continue to gain with each year that passes.

When I was diagnosed with Crohn’s in July 2005 at age 21, I remember sitting almost stoically in my hospital bed because I was so overwhelmed by not only what the next day or week would bring, but the next hour. All my plans, all my goals, all my dreams that were once crystal clear became incredibly hazy. The thought of thinking beyond that moment almost made me feel dizzy with dread.

What does this new world of chronic illness look like?

What would be possible with IBD? Who am I now? How has my identity shifted? Where do I go from here? What will my friends think? What will future employers think? What’s it like to be on medication for the rest of my life? Will anyone ever love me? The list goes on. The vision that I had the first 21 years of my life was forever tainted.

But as the years rolled by, I came to realize the rose-colored glasses I wore prior to diagnosis didn’t give me that clear of a reality about not only my own life, but those around me. Prior to Crohn’s I just expected everything to go my way. Prior to Crohn’s I felt invincible. Prior to Crohn’s I didn’t think twice about my health and what a gift it was.

Now life is anything but blurry

Looking back over the past 15 years, my vision of life with Crohn’s is anything but blurry. As I grew older and more mature, this disease of mine made me see the world clearer than I had ever before. The darkest days have led me to the brightest, shining moments. Nothing is taken for granted. Nothing is expected, but rather overly appreciated. This disease forced me to see the strength inside myself and the resilience that I never knew existed. This disease has demanded a lot out of me and still does, but it’s enabled me to discover a newfound gratitude for life’s simplicities and provided me with superhero strength vision of who is genuinely in my life, and who is not.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I would have been the same adult if I never got Crohn’s. My IBD is not my identity, it’s only a part of who I am. Now I credit not only my contacts, but my Crohn’s, for improving my vision.

“So, You Have an Ostomy”: Recommendations for Dating, Intimacy, Naming Your Stoma, and Dressing—Part 3

Dating with IBD can be daunting. Add an ostomy to the mix and that stress is amplified ten-fold. In Part 3 of “So, You Have An Ostomy” hear from several ostomates about navigating relationships, intimacy, discovering what clothing and undergarments work best, and why some choose to name their stoma and others don’t.

Before we get started, here are links to:

Part 1: Coping with the Complexity

Part 2: Tips for Travel, Diet, and Bag Changes

Dating and finding the one with an ostomy

Brian Greenburg, 37, of New York was diagnosed with Crohn’s at age 11. He has a permanent ostomy and “Ken Butt”. As a married man, he reflects on what it was like to be part of the dating scene.

“The best piece of advice I was given about dating is that my ostomy won’t keep me from meeting the “right one”, it will keep me from trying to be with the “wrong one”.

Read that again. It’s powerful and so, so true for anyone with a chronic illness. Brian advises it’s best to talk confidently about your ostomy and not to shy away from communicating with your partner.

London Harrah, 29, of California, was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis two years ago. From the get-go, his gastroenterologist told him there was a possibility he was going to need an ostomy. At first, London was completely against the idea. His disease didn’t give him any other choice and he ended up with an ileostomy.

“I was having 20 bowel movements a day and throwing up at least one time a day and I was losing a lot of blood. I mentally and physically got to the point where I could not take it anymore and after countless visits to the doctor and attempts at different medicines, I told them that I wanted to proceed with the surgery. I had basically given up on any and all expectations on what I wanted my life to be and had accepted that I just needed to feel better.”

London recalls making his first post about his ileostomy on social media and expecting that no women would be interested in him because of it. He was single when he had the surgery and had accepted he was going to be alone the rest of his life.

“Over time I gained more and more confidence and ended up testing the waters with talking to women. I soon was able to figure out that, if anything, having this surgery just assisted me in weeding out the bad apples. There are a lot of people out there who see beyond the surface of someone and will accept you for the person you are.”

London is currently in a new relationship and just got past the peak of explaining everything about his ileostomy in detail with his girlfriend. He says he feels a lot better knowing she accepts him completely.

Jordan Ditty says she was worried going into surgery not how it would impact her marriage, but moreso that her ostomy not only affects her life, but her husband’s as well.

“Going through surgery, seeing my stoma, sharing the frustrations and wins, naming my stoma together…it all brought us closer. If you ask my husband, he will tell you it did not impact him at all, he was happy that I was no longer in pain and we were able to live.”

As far as intimacy goes, Jordan says she was nervous, but that her ostomy did not affect a single thing.

“I personally always empty right before we do anything then just fold it up, so it is not flapping around between us. There are also many options out today for ostomies, crotchless lingerie that keeps your bag in place if you don’t want your partner seeing it, high waisted options, belts, etc. Find what makes you comfortable, just remember you are still you, beautiful as ever because you are finally healthy!”

Andrew Battifarano is a 26-year-old in New York, as far at the dating scene in the Big Apple, he says he’s usually open about his ostomy and finds it’s beneficial for both sides. Andrew says most people are super accepting and appreciate his honesty.

“There are those who are grossed out and don’t want to deal with someone who has an ostomy. It’s good to know who wants to be in your life and will accept you no matter what early in the process rather than later. I think everyone has their own methods, but I stand by being forthright early on so you can tell a potential partner what it is and hopefully educate them a little bit.”

Payge Duerre met her boyfriend after she had an ostomy. She says he saw her bag in a photo on her Tinder profile and stalked her ostomy Instagram before they met in person.

“He had actually said that my ostomy was a small part of what drew him to me, he could only imagine how I was living, and he wanted to take care of me like no one else did. It did not impact being intimate at all. We both think scars are more beautiful than untouched skin. And it has helped my intimacy. Not having that pain and sickness wearing me down all the time, or not worrying about using the bathroom in the middle of being sexy has helped me.”

Richard Harris, 39, of the United Kingdom was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis when he was 23. He says his girlfriend at the time of diagnosis and his first surgery is now his wife and the mother of their two boys.

“We’ve really been through it all together. She visited me in hospital when I was sick and had lost more than 3 stone (40-plus pounds!), so I think she saw it as a life or death thing too. Post-surgical recovery, intimacy took a while, but we got there in the end. The Coloplast Senusra Mio has a handy fold up feature with some Velcro to tuck the bag away which I tend to do.”

Tim Albert’s girlfriend has been by his side through it all, too.

“Initially I was concerned she wouldn’t want to deal with the struggles an ostomy brings, but she has proven time and time again that she has my back with this. For me, it wasn’t easy to be intimate, simply because I didn’t have the core strength. I physically couldn’t perform like my old self, and that was a tough pill to swallow. With time, I got stronger and that aspect of our relationship became fun again.”

Lindsay Dickerson says her ostomy did not impact her husband at all.

“He assured me multiple times that I am just as attractive, and it does not take away his sexual drive for me (just being blunt). However, as confident as I was with showing my bag off for others everywhere else, the bedroom was a different story. Finding lingerie that is “accessible” to your significant other but covers up the bag has helped me with confidence. Switching brands helped also – Hollister was super loud, and you always heard it during sexy time. The Coloplast Mio makes no noise.”

Byrd Vihlen says her husband is very information oriented and learned the ostomy terms before she did from reading an informational packet provided by the hospital.

“He helped me empty my bag, with no hesitation, for several days after surgery when I was unable do it. It was truly a sign of unconditional love. If your significant other cannot accept that you need an ostomy bag, their love is conditional.”

To name a stoma or not to name a stoma

Of all the ostomates I spoke with—it was a mixed bag (no pun intended!) when it came to those who choose or chose to name their stoma and those who do not. Each person’s reasoning and explanation made a lot of sense.  

Tina Aswani Omprakash said her husband named her stoma “Snuffleupagus” in the hospital after surgery since it resembled the snout of the Sesame Street character. She also calls him “Bebu” which is a loving term that means “baby” in Hindi.

Sahara Fleetwood-Beresford’s experience is unique in that she has gone back and forth through her journey.

“I did not name my first one. I named my second one because I read it could help with acceptance of it. It DID make it easier to talk about to people. I do still consider my current stoma to have the same name, but I don’t often refer to it by name anymore. I usually just say “my stoma” because I felt like referring to it by name almost made me think of it like a sperate entity, when it’s not. Porta didn’t shit in the shower – I shit in the shower! Porta is not farting – I am farting. You get the idea.”

Jordan Ditty and her husband named her stoma “Norman”.

“We call him Norman when he is being difficult and Norm when he is being good. I thought it was silly at first to name him, but after a few weeks of being home with it, we came up with a name. It normalized it, made it easy to throw into a conversation, my friends and family all refer to my stoma as Norman.”

For those who haven’t chosen to name their stoma, the consensus was that it’s “just a part of them and not separate.”

Clothing preferences

  • Ostomy Secrets Underwear for Men—supportive and comfortable
  • Ostomy Secrets Wraps for Women—helps keep everything secure
  • High waisted tights, leggings, skirts, dresses, and jeans
  • American Eagle jeans
  • KanCan pants—with their stretch to allow the bag to grow
  • Vanilla Blush Hernia Support Vest for strength exercises
  • LuLu Commission Pants (for Men)
  • Aerie leggings and underwear for security and flexibility with an ostomy
Gaylyn Henderson modeling for Aerie as a proud ostomate.

Natasha Weinstein recommends discussing ostomy accessories with your care team.

“Would you do better with an ostomy belt? Are you active? Do you like to run, hike, bike, swim? You can still do these things! I am a runner and started running because of the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation’s Team Challenge program and continued running despite my Crohn’s. Having an ostomy has made it easier for me to run since I am less worried about when I’ll need a bathroom next. Like more extreme sports? On my 27th birthday Ziggy stoma (yes I named mine and I recommend you do too – it helps with acceptance and I have all my friends referring to him as Ziggy), well Ziggy and I jumped out of an airplane! IT WAS A BLAST! What I promise is you can truly do anything you set your mind to, and your new ostomy will be along for the ride.”

Stay tuned Wednesday (September 30) for the final piece in the Lights, Camera, Crohn’s “So, You Have An Ostomy” series. A look at the perspective gained, advice for caretakers and family members, and incredible stories of ostomate perseverance that are sure to inspire.

“So, You Have an Ostomy”: The Complexity of Coping —Part 1

When you think of ostomy, what comes to mind? As someone whose had Crohn’s for more than 15 years, but never been an ostomate, it’s something that has loomed over my head since diagnosis. I’ve always wondered if I would ultimately end up with a bag and what that would mean for my life. I know I’m not alone in those worries and curiosities. Which is why I’m kicking off a 4-part series on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s— “So, You Have An Ostomy.” Over the course of these articles you will hear from more than 20 ostomates from around the world.

Today—we’ll focus on what it’s like to find out you need an ostomy, the complexity of coping, and adjusting to your new normal.

What it’s like to wake up from ostomy surgery

Blake Halpern, 39, of Texas, was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in November 2004. By April 2005 he had a temporary ileostomy. After four weeks of being hospitalized on full bowel rest, it was determined he would need his colon removed. Blake says he was so worn out and emotionally drained, he felt like a shell of his former self. He was anxious to have the surgery and get his life back on track.

 “The ostomy is so shocking. It seems like something out of a Sci-Fi movie.  My small intestine poking through my abdomen emptying my waste into a bag?? That’s crazy. But it gave me some semblance of my life back. I was able to get out of the hospital, slowly start eating again and reclaiming my life.”

Alison Rothbaum, 41, of Ohio, was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 1994 at age 15. She says prior to her ostomy surgery, she went into a very dark mind space that she wasn’t prepared for.

“I woke without a pivotal organ. I woke with a new prosthetic device attached to me. I ached in my belly and in my heart. I needed to mourn the loss of the organ. It’s hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it. I refused to look at myself from the top to bottom in the bathroom mirror for a week. I didn’t want to see what the new body looked like, even though I had already begun to learn how to change my ostomy while lying in my bed.”

For Tina Aswani Omprakash, 36, of New York, needing an ostomy struck a major chord for not only her, but her family. She recalls how her dad hated his ostomy while he was alive and used to rip it off when he was in a coma in the hospital. Because of that, her mom had a significant amount of PTSD from his experiences and was against Tina receiving one. Her cultural society also told her that no one would marry her or accept her if she was an ostomate.

“I held off for as long as I could, but I started thinking that an ostomy wouldn’t be as bad as everyone was saying. I knew I needed to listen to my heart and to my doctors. My gut feeling (as flawed as my gut may be) was right. My ostomy had become my baby so to speak and I grieved for months if not years for the life it had given be back. Don’t let society sway your thinking. Seek counseling and ask all the questions you can to your surgeon and Wound, Ostomy, and Continence Nurse (WOCN) before the operation so you can feel a bit more at ease.”

Tina recommends connecting with fellow ostomate online over social media and through blogs. She says an ostomy doesn’t have to be a life sentence, but rather a life-saving force.

Adjusting to the new normal

Renee Welch, 34, of Toronto, Ontario was diagnosed with Crohn’s when she was nine years old. Getting an ostomy was a life or death decision for her. She knew the life she was currently living wasn’t what she was destined for and ultimately the choice was out of her hands.

“The hardest part of having an ostomy was recovery. It’s a long process that is not progressive. Mine took three months until I was able to feel like myself and even after that my energy was not the same until six months down the road. Recovery is something you can try to mentally prepare for, but you never know.”

Natasha Weinstein, 28, of Connecticut was diagnosed with Crohn’s at age 11. She can still remember feeling that tug on her skin and not knowing if the bag was going to randomly fall off. Eight years later, she’s still impressed with how strong the adhesive is! One of her main struggles was adjusting to her new self-image.

“No longer would I have a “flat” right side when I looked in the mirror, in fact I was always going to have this device protruding and as a college student and a young adult that’s a lot to adjust to.”

Payge Duerre, 21, of Iowa, was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2003 at age 5. Her advice—not to think of your entire life as the first couple months after surgery.

“The first couple months can be shitty. More pain, more recovery, less muscle, new foods, new clothes. The entirety of ostomate life is not like that. My first three months post op were spent relearning life. But now I’m two years post op. I’ve already re-taught my body, but I’m always constantly learning new tips or tricks from other ostomates to make life easy.”

Advice for those who need an ostomy

Ashley Clark, 27, of British Columbia, was diagnosed with Crohn’s when she was 19. Her main piece of advice, “If you’re at a point where you are contemplating ostomy surgery, get it sooner rather than later. Waiting until getting my ostomy was a matter of life or death is one of my biggest regrets. It took me so much longer to recover because I let myself get so sick before I would agree to it. Looking back, I think, wow my life is so much better now, if only I had known it would be and agreed sooner.”

Tionna Forchion, 32, of New Jersey, was diagnosed with Crohn’s when she was 13 years old. She ended up getting an emergency colostomy after a bowel obstruction, so she wasn’t able to mentally prepare for the everything that came her way. Tionna says she was angry at first and cried for days, but as time passed so did her acceptance for how having a bag saved her life.

“My advice for anyone on the verge of getting a bag or needing one is that there is life after getting an ostomy. So many times, people say they don’t want a bag because they assume there will be so many things they can no longer do and that is so false. You can still travel, swim, go to college, have kids, get married and do everything a person without a bag can do.”

Gaylyn Henderson, 36, of Atlanta, Georgia, was diagnosed with Crohn’s at age 14 and has a permanent ileostomy. She says at times with chronic illness you can’t help but wonder if there is anyone out there who really understands what you’re going through, but that there is.

“You need to meet them, and you need to seek them out to know that what you are feeling is not unusual. The feelings you have are very real and it’s not out of the ordinary to be feeling that way. You are not crazy, your life is. There is an importance to building a fellowship of those that can relate to what you are going through. It is imperative to know you are not alone. You may not go through the exact same circumstances, you may not have the same diagnosis, but chances are you have similar experiences and can relate more than you realize. You need to know that what you are going through you will get through.”

Stay tuned for Part 2 of “So, You Have An Ostomy…”, Wednesday (September 23rd) we’ll cover diet recommendations, how to pack when you’re traveling, and how best to change your bag.

Ignorance is not bliss: Get health screenings outside of your IBD

It’s often said managing IBD is like having a full-time job. Along with the regular visits to the gastroenterologist, all the blood draws, scopes and scans, we also have to juggle taking and ordering medication (dealing with insurance!), listening to the symptoms our body is speaking to us throughout the day, knowing when we need to slow down…and the list goes on.

One aspect of taking care of our overall health that is often not discussed is the importance of staying on top of all the other preventative health checks—seeing the dentist two times a year, getting a vision screening, having a well-woman visit, and getting a full body skin check by a dermatologist, to name a few. pexels-karolina-grabowska-4386466

As we all continue to navigate the choppy waters of this pandemic, being proactive with medical care has been a bit more challenging. Appointments may have been canceled or delayed. The stress of going somewhere for an in-person appointment may seem risky to you, but it’s imperative we all stay on top of our most important job of all—staying as healthy as possible. Because even if your Crohn’s is in remission, your disease, and the medication you take to treat it, can put you at greater risk for other health issues.

Did you know?

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, women with IBD, especially those on immunosuppressants may be at increased risk for cervical dysplasia and abnormal pap smears. Meaning, we’re at a greater risk for abnormal growth of cells on the surface of our cervix that could potentially lead to cervical cancer. Get those pap smears! I visited my OB-GYN and had my well-woman visit a few days ago.

The same goes for seeing a dermatologist. Those of us on immunomodulators or immunosuppressive therapies may have an increased probability of developing malignancy, including non-melanoma skin cancer. I went to the dermatologist this past week for a full body screening. I had a small atypical mole removed from my back that I wasn’t even aware of. Even though atypical moles are not always skin cancer, having these types of moles can be a risk factor for one day developing melanoma. I’ll admit, I haven’t been the best about staying on top of this aspect of disease management. The last time I had been to a dermatologist was 2005, because I was dealing with acne from the prednisone I was taking.

Although medications that manage Crohn’s and ulcerative colitis are the most significant contributor when it comes to our risk of skin cancer, it’s believed having IBD alone can also lead to an increased risk of melanoma.

It’s recommended by the National Cancer Institute, that people with chronic illness be extra vigilant about sun protection. My dermatologist recommends wearing an SPF of at least 30 and having a yearly surveillance of my skin done.

Some researchers believe our faulty immune systems fail to detect cancerous tumors in our bodies and that the increased inflammation can make us more susceptible to certain cancers.

Dental, vision, and IBD

IBD can also make your dental health bite. Studies show people with IBD are at an increased risk of getting cavities and oral infections. While it’s not completely clear why this is, it’s believed our immune systems along with steroid-based drugs and even the acidity of our mouths, can cause our teeth to be weakened. dentist-4275389_1920

As someone who was forced (haha, by my mom!) to get braces, twice, I have always taken great care of my teeth. But, when I was pregnant with my son Reid, I did develop an abscess on my gum over my molars that luckily went away after he was born. It was unclear at the time if this was more pregnancy or IBD related. I know the thought of going to the dentist seems daunting since it’s such an invasive appointment where you can’t wear a mask while you’re in the chair, but when I went in for my cleaning last month, I felt completely at ease by all the safety protocols in place.

Whether you’re blind as a bat like me, and always get an annual vision screening to update your prescription and order contacts or if you have perfect vision, it’s important to get your eyes checked. Between 4-10% of people with IBD experience issues with their eyes because of their disease activity. Problems with your eyes can be a sign of a flare. During my visit with my ophthalmologist last month I was impressed by all the measures taken to ensure patient safety.

Take time to take care of you

Trust me, I get that life is busy and these times are scary. But, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice if you don’t take advantage of the preventative medical care that is available so you can be proactive should an issue outside of your IBD arise. While telehealth is great to take advantage of when you can, for many of these appointments, you do need to be in person. If you’re worried about this, you can ease your fears by calling the office prior to your appointment to learn about what measures the office takes to protect patients. Whenever I start an appointment I always let the person taking care of me know that I have Crohn’s disease and I’m immunocompromised because of the medication I take.IMG-7443

I don’t particularly enjoy any of these appointments, but I always leave with peace of mind that I’m doing everything I can to be vigilant and healthy not only for myself, but for my family. I often find I get more anxious for these “other” appointments than I do seeing my GI, because I feel much more confident about how I manage my Crohn’s and the way my disease process manifests. Don’t do all the work to keep your IBD in check and forget about the rest of you.

I’m typing this article with a band-aid on my back and a slight burning sensation in my shoulder from the biopsy, with the hope that my experience implores you to make an appointment and get all your ducks in a row when it comes to all your “other” appointments. Yes, I know it’s a lot, but ignorance is not bliss when it comes to your overall well-being.

Self-care isn’t selfish: Using my birthday as a re-set button

One of my friends recently said I need to start doing more for me, that once I fill my own cup that energy and that fulfillment will spill onto others, without making me feel depleted and like I’m constantly in survival mode. As an IBD mom of two, who has lived with Crohn’s for more than 15 years, these challenging times we’re living in have forced us all to pause and refocus on what’s important and what we need to do to get by.

IMG-7105

Today is my 37th birthday. Sounds a lot older than I feel, but chronic illness has a way of forcing you to grow up and mature well beyond your years. Between the pandemic, mom life, and my advocacy work, there hasn’t been much time for a breather. I feel as though I’ve been coasting for awhile. Coasting through the day to day. Coasting through remission. Coasting just to make it through.

I don’t want to coast anymore

If you’re feeling the same, please follow my lead and that of others, who have recognized they’re ready to do more to improve their quality of life.

I want to stop being such a “yes” person.

I want to stop making excuses.

I want to stop waking up when my kids call out for me and instead start my day with a cup of coffee outside on the patio or a workout, followed by a shower, while the house is calm and quiet.

I want to stop not asking for help.

I want to stop staying up so late binge watching TV or scrolling through my phone.

I want to stop going months on end without a night out with my husband (we’re going on a date tonight for the first time in over six months!) IMG-7109

I want to stop working seven days a week and being at everyone’s beckon call and instead set aside days where I’m offline and able to live in the moment.

I want to start prioritizing my health, my well-being, my marriage, my friendships, who I am outside of being a mom and a person with chronic illness, because while that’s a lot of me—it’s not all of me.

Finding the ‘Joie de vivre’

Let’s face it, this coronavirus nightmare isn’t ending anytime soon. Much like a chronic illness diagnosis—there is no end in sight. We all rise to that challenge day after day, and don’t think twice. I fear if I don’t start spending more time for myself, I may put my remission in jeopardy and that scares me, big time, because when you’re a mom and a wife, your flares impact a lot more than just you. IMG-5066 (1)

I look at this 37th year with a lot of hope and a lot of possibility. I’m eternally grateful for the life I have and the family and friends I have around me, near and far. Recognizing there’s a need for change is similar to the importance of being proactive in managing your illness and doing all the things you can to set yourself up for success—whether it’s seeing countless specialists for medical care and preventative screenings, taking medication, getting blood draws and scopes, etc.…I look at this form of self-care as just as important in managing my Crohn’s and giving myself the best shot of staying out of the hospital and flare-free. IMG-6382

Cheers to the next 365 days and beyond! Thank you for following my journey and for your support through the years. This blog is like one of my babies and being able to speak to you through it is one of the most cathartic aspects of my patient journey. If you’re feeling like you’re in a bit of a rut or a funk, remember self-care is not selfish. Now I just need to practice what I preach.

Finding your voice with Crohn’s: How music helps Anna Tope cope

Songwriting has been a coping outlet for 22-year-old Anna Tope, for as long as she can remember. When she was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in June 2019, she worried if her aspirations of sharing music with the world would be silenced. COVID-19 hit during her final semester at York College of Pennsylvania. She looked forward to and worked hard for her senior recital all four years. The event was scheduled for March 13th, right when the world started to shut down. IMG_6972

Luckily, the music faculty were able to work things out and held the recital before campus had to be cleared out. Anna gave the best performance she ever had. The whole audience was on their feet, followed by a huge line of people waiting to greet her afterwards. The moment was a dream come true. Check out her recital performance here.

The song inspired by Crohn’s

“My favorite part was being able to end my recital with a song that I wrote about my Crohn’s Disease journey called “Renewed.” This is a song that has moved people to tears, and people have told me how much the song has impacted them, especially during the pandemic,” said Anna.

Anna wrote “Renewed” in January 2020, while sitting at a Barnes & Noble. Click here to listen to the song.

She says quarantine has enabled her to focus more on creating music and writing.

“My songwriting is essentially reflecting through some of the hardest times of my life, such as my illness/diagnosis, but also showing how my hardships have been so eye opening and influential,” says Anna.

Finding joy through the suffering

Anna’s main goal with her music is to bring joy and hope to those suffering from chronic illness. The unpredictability of Crohn’s often leaves Anna feeling worried about whether IBD is going to rob her of her musical dreams, but not only that—like many of us, she worries about her future. Two of her biggest fears are finding love and being able to have kids one day. Ann is incredibly grateful for her amazing support system and how her friends and family have rallied around her since diagnosis.image0 (1)

She wants to use her voice, energy, and the broken parts of her experience to bring comfort to those who feel alone.

“IBD has impacted me in so many ways. It’s turned my life upside down, but at the same time it’s given me even more of a passion to sing and to help others.”

Use quarantine to your advantage

Living with a chronic illness in the middle of the pandemic is complicated and challenging, but Anna hopes others use this time to explore their talents and see beyond their IBD. IMG_6121

“Go write some songs or poetry. If you want to learn an instrument, now is the time! Go write that book you’ve been wanting to start. Do whatever brings you a feeling of accomplishment, joy, and comfort.”

The success of Anna’s senior recital pushed her to continue writing. At a time when many of us feel tapped energy wise—mentally, physically, and emotionally, try and find what motivates you outside of your illness. And like Anna, you’ll see, while IBD may change the course of the path you’re on and re-direct you for a bit, just because you have Crohn’s, doesn’t mean you can’t follow your dreams.

Connect with Anna

Instagram: @myvoice.myjourney

Facebook: Anna Tope Music

Twitter: @annatope_

YouTube: Music and Covers

 

 

My family calls me “Sergeant COVID”: Navigating life while being high-risk, as the world reopens

I’m preparing to feel like the bad guy in the months ahead. My family has already jokingly called me “Sergeant COVID”.  As an IBD mom who is immunocompromised, the decisions I make as the world starts to reopen may step on some toes. I’ve always been one to struggle with confrontation and take it upon myself to be a people-pleaser, which isn’t always a good thing. But this. This is different. I know there will be times I need to speak up and say no.

While out on a walk with my family in our neighborhood this week, we approached a house with two moms sitting side by side, a play date was going down.

sophiawalk15months

Daily walks and getting fresh air help to keep us sane!

Several kids ran around the yard. An SUV parked next to the two moms with their thermoses. I turned to my husband when I spotted them and said, “well there’s a playdate.” He laughed and said, “Are you not going to allow Reid and Sophia to see anyone for a year?”

Well, that’s a good question my friends. Who knows what these next few months will bring, and as someone who is immunocompromised from my biologic medication, that may need to be the reality if things don’t make a drastic turnaround for the better as far as number of cases and deaths.

I want to be together with my friends and family as much as the next person

I also understand the risk associated with getting together with people who have not taken social distancing and quarantine as strictly as my family has. I haven’t stayed in my house and neighborhood since March 12th and only ventured to the grocery store and for bloodwork once, to throw those efforts out the window. I haven’t cooked every meal for my family and refrained from ordering take out for nothing.

baking

Trying lots of new recipes has been a great distraction.

The moment I let my guard down before I feel comfortable, the moment I put myself or my family at risk.

As someone who’s worried about sickness from germs and flare-ups for years, I see this pandemic through a different lens than many. Anyone in the IBD community who is on immunosuppressive medication has a different perspective. I’m already anxious about having to justify my decisions to stay home as life slowly starts getting back to a new normal for everyone. But until I feel safe, we’ll be taking all the precautions.

I wonder just as much as the next person in the chronic illness community how to navigate these difficult conversations with well-meaning and otherwise “healthy” friends and family. When I hear about people getting together indoors, going for walks with people outside their nuclear family, having people over for BBQs, even being essential workers (which I know can’t be helped)—I know the date I’ll see those friends and family just gets pushed further away.

When things calm down, the first people my kids and I will see indoors, will be my parents, who have practiced strict social distancing and haven’t ventured out for anything but groceries. If they were out and about and seeing others, that wouldn’t be the case.

We all need to do what we feel comfortable with and worry less about hurting someone’s feelings or getting a little backlash for our decisions. Luckily, my husband Bobby has been extremely understanding and supportive and backs me up on how I feel. IMG-1529

The best thing we can do is over-communicate. Talk openly about life as someone who is immunocompromised and what recommendations and parameters around social distancing your care team has shared with you. By talking about what your doctor has told you, it validates your worries and fears.

It’s ok to feel disappointed and frustrated. Not everyone has been or will take social distancing and quarantining as seriously as you do. Focus on what you can control—and that is your actions and that of your families. You are doing all that you can to stay safe, and that’s what matters. I’ve had moments where I was physically shaking and so overwhelmed by emotions throughout these past few weeks—because of the actions of others. You see it on social media—the families getting together with several people for Easter, and birthdays, and Mother’s Day. People taking trips on airplanes. Social distancing block parties where people are all standing super close to one another. It’s truly mind-boggling and hard not be judgmental from my vantage point. If you need to cut down on social media or cut ties temporarily with those who you believe are acting irresponsibility, do what you need to do for your mental health and well-being.

We had originally planned to drop off my mother-in-law’s Mother’s Day gifts on the front porch and stay in our car, but my in-laws set up patio furniture on opposite sides of their large patio and we were able to hang out outside 20+ feet apart to exchange presents. It was nice to finally see one another from afar vs. through a window.

Constantly keep your finger on the pulse of research. There are so many physicians in the IBD community truthfully working around the clock to bring patients like us the latest and newest information about COVID-19 as it relates to Crohn’s and ulcerative colitis. Educate yourself on factual, research-based information. Follow top GI doctors on Twitter. Stay in touch with your care team and don’t hesitate to ask questions. Tune in for Facebook Lives and Twitter Chats from IBD Social Circle, IBD Moms, and many other great groups.

Lean on the patient community. Prior to the pandemic, life with a chronic illness already made us feel a bit like outsiders. IMG-1409Now more than ever, we’re being labeled as the “sickly”, the “disposable”, the “weak”, the list goes on. COVID-19 is not JUST about the elderly and immunocompromised, this is about everyone. As patients we have a unique perspective and understanding about the struggles we face daily and what it’s like to go through this challenging time. Connect with fellow patients online who get your reality, your emotion, and the whirlwind of going up against this invisible bogeyman. To refrain from social media, you can download awesome free apps like Gali Health and IBD Healthline, with helpful articles, community conversations, and chats by patients, for patients.

Your FOMO is nothing new. Chances are throughout your patient journey you’ve had to miss out on plans or cancel last minute. Will it be hard when the whole family or your group of friends are getting together, and you tell them you won’t be joining for the big “post-quarantine” reunion? YES. Of course. At the same time, you’ll probably feel comforted not having to worry if so and so is asymptomatic and waiting on pins and needles for two weeks to see if you’re in the clear.

I look so forward to the day when my family and I can reunite with those we love and miss dearly. I just ask that people have understanding, patience, and empathy for those like myself, who will be very fearful to return to life as we used to know it…if that will ever be. Maybe put on the kid gloves and imagine walking in our shoes before you say something that you can never take back.