IBD Motherhood Unplugged: Thriving with Crohn’s on and off the field

June 14, 2021June 11, 2021Leave a comment

She’s an IBD mom who plays touch football and touch rugby in Australia (think rugby—for those in the United States, in touch rugby she kicks the ball). Diagnosed with Crohn’s disease five years ago, she’s thrilled to have reached remission. Bec Simson is a 33-year-old IBD warrior adamant about not letting anything stop her from pursuing what she hopes to achieve. Even though her disease has sidelined her through the years, motherhood and staying active through sports is a reminder of all she’s capable of.

“Some weeks it can be hard to find the time and energy to exercise. I play touch football competitively and socially– it’s like rugby but without the tackling. I play three times a week and then on the weekends I like to do my own fitness to keep up my strength, speed, and agility. I enjoy playing touch football because I use it to catch up with my friends – seeing my mates gives me the motivation to get up off the couch and exercise.”

Getting up off the couch and having not only the motivation to move, but also the energy, can be especially challenging when you live with IBD. Bec’s biggest challenge is trying to juggle work as a teacher, her athletic commitments, and life with her son Jackson, while also trying to find time to rest in between.

“Being on immune suppressants and having a toddler who is almost 2.5 has been hard because he brings home many illnesses from daycare which I usually end up getting as well. Some days I am so rundown I just don’t have the energy to keep up with him, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Jackson always knows how to make me smile.”

Reflecting on pregnancy with Crohn’s

Bec had a rough go of it with her pregnancy. Her Crohn’s flared multiple times throughout, resulting in three visits to the hospital due to severe vomiting and diarrhea. She was put on a course of steroids for each flare, which led to her son growing much faster and bigger than expected.

“Ultimately, I had to be induced two weeks early due to Jackson’s size. After 16 hours of labor, I had an emergency c-section. My incision from my c-section ended up bursting open while I was recovering in the hospital after delivery. An ultrasound showed my bowel was so inflamed, it had pushed through my internal stiches and formed a hernia that was sticking out of my stomach. I was rushed to emergency surgery that same day.”

Fast forward to present day and Bec is in remission. Her colonoscopy last month showed no signs of inflammation or ulcers. She credits this to Stelara (Ustekinumab), which she started this past October. So far, the biologic has helped control her disease and improve her quality of life.

Down the road, if she’s still in remission, Bec is hopeful she’ll be able to have another child.

The benefit of a supportive partner

Bec is grateful for her supportive partner, Nick, who happens to play in the AFL (Australian Football). Not only is he empathetic about her battle with Crohn’s, but serves as someone who keeps her accountable with her workouts and is also passionate about staying in shape.

“We motivate one another to complete work outs and then reward ourselves with food and drink later! When I was younger, I used to overdo my training and push my body to its limit. I became burnt out, rundown, sick, and injured. My main piece of advice for the IBD community is to listen to your body and don’t be afraid to stop and take a break. Rest is just as important as training.”

Managing IBD and competitive sports

Bec says her Crohn’s disease often makes her anxious while she’s on the field.

“I had our State of Origin for ‘Touch Rugby League’ which attracted quite an audience and it was also being live streamed for everyone to see. I was extremely anxious leading into that tournament because I was worried about pooping my pants in the middle of the game and it leaking through my bike pants! I took some Imodium before my game, so thankfully that didn’t happen! However, I felt like I couldn’t play to my potential because I wasn’t feeling my best.”

While she feels fortunate to be in remission, she’s also realistic. She knows the symptoms and flares could return at any moment—and that it’s not a matter of if, but when.

“Sometimes I can be hard on myself when it comes to sport, but I just try and remind myself that I’m a 33-year-old mum with a chronic illness and I am grateful I’m still able to run around the touch field at my age. I can’t change things out of my control, all I can do is just go out there and give it my best shot.”

Follow Bec’s journey on Instagram: becs_IBD_journey

59 marathons and counting: How this IBD warrior perseveres despite her disease

May 17, 2021May 14, 2021Leave a comment

When you think of a marathon runner what words come to mind? Grit, resilience, drive, focus, strength…the list goes on. Michelle Ladonne, 34, of Massachusetts, isn’t your typical long-distance runner. Not only was she diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2010, but she’s also managed to participate in 59 marathons in 35 states and 3 continents. Yeah. You read that correctly. Incredible, isn’t it?!

Like many of us, Michelle is the first person in her family to be diagnosed with IBD. When she was told she had Crohn’s, she frantically started Googling from her hospital bed. All she remembers hearing the doctor saying are “lifelong” and “no known cure”. She was certain she’d been handed a death sentence. Her life, at age 23, flashed before her eyes.

Going the distance

As time passed, Michelle learned how to listen to her body better. She says she’s become better at determining whether pain is a “routine Crohn’s symptom” or an acute issue that needs immediate medical attention. Finding the balance of when to push through and when to rest has enabled her to feel more in control of her life and her disease.

“I used to think that the ideal was to never let Crohn’s hold me back from reaching my dreams, or to not let Crohn’s become an excuse. But the reality is that I live with a chronic condition, and despite all the determination and effort in the world, sometimes Crohn’s wins, and I need to be ok with backing off, resting, and focusing on my health,” Michelle explains.

She admits—she doesn’t always listen to her body. She’s ran some races while in the middle of a flare or not long after a hospital discharge.

“I think with experience – both with running and managing Crohn’s symptoms – I’ve learned when I can push through the symptoms, or when I will make things worse if I don’t back off. I try to listen to my body and accept that sometimes not running is the safest and healthiest choice – whether that means skipping a training day, missing a race, or twice coming to that realization mid-race and walking off the course.”

A team effort between care team and patient

Michelle recalls her experience running in the 2018 Berlin Marathon while in the middle of a Crohn’s flare, about a month after being hospitalized. She says her GI was not overly excited about the idea of her traveling out of the country to run a full marathon.

“My abdominal pain wasn’t well controlled, and I was underweight after having been on a liquid diet for several weeks. But my GI knew how important it was to me and supported me. I started the race knowing that if I didn’t feel well, I could slow down or walk, and worst case, I would stop. I started at a conservative pace and focused on hydrating and tuning into how my body felt. I remember seeing my friend cheering at mile 16, and I ran into her arms and exclaimed, “I am doing it! I’m going to finish this!”

Crossing that finish line felt like the biggest victory for Michelle. Right after finishing the race, she texted her GI doctor a photo wearing a medal and thanked him for his support. True to form, Michelle’s GI reminded her that beer is a clear liquid, and since she was in Germany, she should have one to celebrate!

Persevering through Crohn’s and running

Michelle says having the mindset to persevere through life with Crohn’s and running marathons is similar. She says there’s an adage in marathon running, “when your legs can’t run anymore, run with your heart.”

“Miles 20-26.2 of a marathon bring some of the most brutal pain and physical exhaustion imaginable. At that point, you learn to trust that you are strong enough, tough enough, and brave enough to keep moving forward. You learn to push on when you feel like giving up, because forward is the only option,” says Michelle.

During a recent 22-day hospitalization, she was in more pain than ever before. COVID visitor restrictions left her feeling lonely, anxious, and afraid. She had to draw upon that same reserve of mental strength as at mile 20 of the marathon. She was physically and mentally spent but knew that digging deep and pushing forward was the only option.

“Just like in running marathons, I had to trust in my experience; I had overcome other challenging situations when I wasn’t sure that I could, and this was just one more challenge that I would eventually overcome.”

Michelle’s advice for fellow IBD runners

Figure out how nutrition factors into your running – specifically what you eat and drink before you run. It can be different for everyone. Some of it is trial and error. If running a shorter distance, Michelle doesn’t eat 2-3 hours prior. For longer distances, fueling becomes more important, so she’ll eat something soft and “safe”, like white toast with peanut butter and honey.
Plan your route in advance and evaluate the bathroom options. For longer runs, particularly if you are flaring, try to be strategic about running in locations with bathrooms. Think about local parks, gas stations or fast-food places (support those businesses after your run!). In a pinch, construction porta-potties work, too.
Don’t perseverate on the bad runs. You’ll have them – the days where everything hurts, you are exhausted, and it’s just a miserable kind of slog. Choose to celebrate the victory of having made it out the door. Know that just like Crohn’s, the bad days happen, but so do the really good ones, and that’s what makes it all worthwhile.

Not allowing Crohn’s to keep her on the sidelines

Michelle is grateful she’s able to run, and do what she loves, despite her disease. She knows not everyone with IBD is able to be physically active. While Crohn’s has sidelined her at times, it’s never completely robbed her of her passion or changed her focus. On the difficult days, Crohn’s has made her even more appreciative of running and the gift that it is to her.

“On the days when I don’t feel like running – it’s too cold, too hot, too rainy – I remind myself that I don’t “have” to run, but I “get” to run. Not everyone is so lucky, and I don’t take that for granted. Having Crohn’s, it is easy for me to think of my body as somehow broken or defective. Running has helped me to appreciate that my body is capable of some amazing things. Running has taught me to focus less on what my body looks like (the weight fluctuations of flares and steroids can be tough!) and more on what my body is capable of.”

Taking steps to control fatigue

Even though Michelle clearly has magnificent endurance and strength, it doesn’t mean she isn’t familiar with fatigue and that makes even the most basic daily tasks feel insurmountable. If she’s feeling that overwhelming sense of fatigue, she’ll skip a run or lay on the couch with a heating pad and watch Netflix like the rest of us. At the same time, she says it’s important to distinguish between physical fatigue and just not feeling motivated to go for a run. She tries not to let her Crohn’s become an easy out during the long Massachusetts winters, or in the pouring pain, or even after a long day of work.

She currently takes 6MP and is on Entyvio every six weeks to manage her IBD.

Running goals now and in the future

Since 2016, Michelle has been focused on running a marathon in each of the 50 states. COVID put a hold on that goal, but she hopes to get back to traveling soon so she can cross the finish lines in every state.

“During COVID, since I couldn’t travel, I started focusing on running every street in the towns south of Boston. So far, I’ve finished 11 towns and over 4,000 streets. I have enjoyed exploring so many interesting places close to home and seeing all the history in southeastern Massachusetts. I am toying with a goal of running all the streets in Boston – I think that may need to happen!”

Michelle has also been checking off all the Marathon Majors—New York, Chicago, Boston, and Berlin.

She underwent a hemicolectomy—the removal of a portion of her large and small intestines in March 2021 and was readmitted two weeks after surgery with blood clots in her abdomen. At that point, she was diagnosed with a clotting disorder, in addition to endometriosis in her bowel. After 22 days in the hospital, and six weeks off from running so she could heal, she’s started to slowly build her mileage back up as she regains her strength. Michelle ran a 5K a few weeks ago and is running a half marathon later this month. Her main goal—to run the London Marathon in October, and potentially a few other fall marathons. Once she finishes London—she’s planning a trip to Tokyo to complete the Majors.

Michelle enjoys sharing her patient journey—the ups and downs, the blood, sweat, and tears, and everything in between, in hopes her experiences might help others feel less alone and to know that anything is possible. From weeks in the hospital to completing a 100-mile ultramarathon, she’s done it all, all while living with Crohn’s disease.

Connect with Michelle on Instagram: @run4life262

Thrive with IBD: My latest podcast interview

December 30, 20191 Comment

Her name is Natalie. She was diagnosed with IBD at age 21. She has a blog. It may sound like I’m talking about myself, but I’m talking about a friend I’ve connected with online! Natalie Kelley (@plentyandwellwithnat) and I started following one another on Instagram several months back and came to realize how similar our patient journeys have been. She has ulcerative colitis and I have Crohn’s. She is 24 and I’m 36. But, our lookout on life and our interest in bringing comfort and serving as a positive voice for the community is the same.

Being diagnosed at age 21 is a difficult time in life. You’re at a crossroads from being a kid to a young adult. You’re navigating the next chapter of life and looking to start your career. We relate on how IBD stopped us both in our tracks in that pivotal moment and how far we’ve both come since.

Natalie launched her podcast, Thrive with IBD, in 2017. Her hope is to end the stigma around chronic illness and show that you’re never alone in your struggles or experiences. As a wellness blogger and a holistic health coach, Natalie works tirelessly to educate others about navigating life, love, and everything in between, while living with IBD. Today (December 30^th) you can check out her latest episode. She interviewed yours truly. When she asked me to be on her show, I was so honored, as I’ve admired her work from afar for a while.

We talked about what dating, marriage and being a mom is like with IBD. I am the first IBD mom she had on the show! Interestingly, Natalie’s mom was diagnosed with Crohn’s at age 16. So not only does she have her own personal patient experience, but she’s been a part of a family unit who’s dealt with the ups and downs her whole life. It was emotional for me as an IBD mom, to hear firsthand from a 20-something about what it was like to not only grow up with a mom who has Crohn’s, but later be diagnosed with IBD herself.

Click here to check out the episode.

With nearly 40,000 Instagram followers, Natalie has quite the following. What always amazes me is how present and genuine she is. She responds to comments both publicly and privately, her content is well thought out and impactful.

“Each day I get to wake up and get to use my story to help other women with IBD. I get to connect with chronic illness warriors around the world. I get to use the pain and grief I’ve endured to help heal others’ pain and grief, even if just a little bit.”

If you’re looking to follow someone who is sure to lift your spirits and make you feel empowered, she’s your girl. When I chatted with her on the phone, I told her how much I look up to her for her advocacy work, despite being 12 years older!

As we gear up for 2020, the start of a new decade, and a new year, it’s our hope that you focus on self-love and embrace who you are, despite your IBD. As Natalie says, “There are ebbs and flows in this journey of mine and I’ve learned to take them as they come. I’ve learned to soak up every second of the good moments and give myself grace during the hard ones. I’ve learned to stand up for myself, be my biggest advocate and put myself first.”

Natalie and I both say that if we were given the option to get rid of our IBD diagnosis that we wouldn’t. We both feel we were put on this path for a reason and that our diseases have shaped us into who we are today. I hope that if you’re reading this, and you’re newly diagnosed, knowing that brings you comfort and peace of mind. IBD is not your identity, it’s a part of you, but it’s not all of you. Natalie and I can assure you of that.

How art helps Kate take on her Crohn’s: Tips for unleashing your inner IBD artist

December 9, 2019December 9, 2019Leave a comment

When 32-year-old Kate Schwarting of New York was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in June 2009 she was less than surprised. The symptoms that had insidiously weaved their way into her life had finally reached a point where their impact on her daily life was undeniable. A colonoscopy confirmed it. At the time she was diagnosed, Kate was immersed in her undergraduate studies that were divided between Geoscience and Studio Art and took on the role of caregiver for her mother. This week Kate shares how art has benefited her patient journey and offers up helpful ways you can incorporate art into your life, even if all you can draw are stick figures (like me!):

While in college, I was focused on understanding my passion for science and art. I was passionate about discovering the possibility for art to express the unseen, and build an emotional bridge for relating to complex scientific problems. But all of this was set against a backdrop of Crohn’s flares, fistulas, strictures, hospitalizations (for both myself and my mother), and doctor appointments.

These constant disruptions often left me feeling like I was struggling to move towards my goals, preserving my identity when it’s so easy for illness to be all consuming, and caused me to frequently reflect and reevaluate my relationship with the art and science that I studied.

How Crohn’s brought me closer to understanding the benefits of art

As a student involved with the arts, it was common for me to have a few spare art materials. Over the course of 10 years of dealing with Crohn’s, I had several flares that resulted in extended hospitalizations, periods where I was at home recovering, or as a caregiver for a parent that made me aware of how important it was to have spare materials with me.

Being sick and in the hospital, or even stuck at home away from your daily routine, is stressful and isolating at best. Having these tools allowed me to cope, escape, and create meaning. It gave me a sense of accomplishing something positive and tangible in a setting where a significant amount of time is spent anxiously waiting for results, procedures and to feel better.

Not only have I noticed how much it helps me to have this diversion, I have also noticed the impact it has on those around me. In situations that are emotionally heavy with the burden of illness, a brief conversation with another patient, nurse or doctor about art seems to uplift everyone’s mood and passing along this joy had an exponentially good effect on my own outlook.

How a flare inspired meaningful artwork

During a flare in 2016 I began to investigate how to create meaningful artwork relating to both the microbiology and to my experiences with my own body. I was drawn to the microbiome. Trillions of bacteria exist in everyone through a symbiotic relationship in the digestive system. The microbiome is a hot spring of unanswered questions in relation to its role in IBD, as well as many other conditions. Applying the methods I have used in other projects, I researched the different types of bacteria and their shapes and used them to create a series of abstract drawings that relate to the digestive system and allow people to develop a sense of the complexity of the human body.

5 tips for incorporating art into your life

–Create a pack of art supplies. Get a small sketch book, a pouch including a woodless pencil, travel sized watercolor palette and brush, assorted pens, and a ruler. Add to this whatever materials you prefer.

–Start simple. Use mindfulness to find inspiration around you, whether it’s a color, a pattern, or texture

–Be mindful of self criticism! As put best by Bob Ross, Let happy accidents happen!

–Experiment! Art at its core relies on the very basic act of creating and requires no prior artistic training to get started. It is a place to abandon judgement and focus on an exclusively human experience.

–Share! I found it helped hold me to my goal of setting aside time to relax and create art by making an art related post once a day or every other day depending on how I felt to Instagram and also helped me find a supportive community during times where I was feeling the most isolated. I’d love to see what you create! Feel free to use the hashtag #chronicallycreative when sharing your work!

You can follow Kate on Instagram and Twitter at: @microbioscapes.

Three years of Lights, Camera, Crohn’s: 10 Tips for Becoming an IBD Blogger

July 22, 2019Leave a comment

Tomorrow (July 23, 2019) marks three years since Lights, Camera, Crohn’s became a reality. Three years since I closed my eyes and took a major plunge, wondering if my words and effort would make a difference. Three years since I decided it was time to stop living my IBD life in the shadows, and instead bring my personal struggles and triumphs to the forefront. I chose to blog and become a patient advocate for several reasons. I was tired of feeling isolated. I wanted to be a voice for the newly diagnosed, as well as the veteran patient. And, as a journalist, I’ve always had a love for the written word. For me—expressing myself through writing comes a lot easier than saying the words out loud.

July 23^rd is a big day on the calendar each year for me—it’s the anniversary of my Crohn’s diagnosis (14 this year!), my dog Hamilton’s birthday (He’s turning 11) and it’s the day I met my husband online (6 years ago!). If that’s not a sign that things happen in threes, I don’t know what is! Knowing this, I had to launch my blog on this day. Rather than focus on how many years I’ve been riddled with a chronic illness, it’s a way to celebrate how far I’ve come on my patient journey.

I’m going to do a little humble brag right now. Since launching my blog in 2016, I have never missed a week of posting fresh content. Through two pregnancies and being a stay at home, IBD mama with a now 2-year-old and six-month-old, I found a way to stay true to my own personal deadlines, because this blog, and this community and IBD family are so important to me. In that time, I’ve shared 171 new articles (because some weeks I post on Mondays AND Wednesdays). Over the last three years, more than 105,000 people from around the world have checked out Lights, Camera, Crohn’s. Could the articles be organized better? Yes. Could the design be snazzier? Yes. But, my focus as an IBD blogger and advocate is to give you the nitty gritty. I’d rather spend my time and energy on content vs. design.

One of the most common questions I receive is, “How do you become a patient advocate?” or “How do you become a blogger?” It obviously takes time, passion, and commitment.

Here are my top 10 pieces of advice for you, that I wish I would have known before blogging.

Write for the reader and for yourself. As patient advocates and bloggers, it’s generally our own personal experiences that shape the content we share. That experience and viewpoint is invaluable, but remember—the reader isn’t here to check out your diary. They are here to learn ways to improve their patient journey, to educate themselves. When you write, write to the people reading. Don’t bore them with every.single.detail. of your doctor appointment. Use that experience as the foundation and springboard into a larger discussion that is easy for others to relate to. Think “news people can use”…otherwise, why read your stuff?

Be bold. Be vulnerable. It can be very stressful and overwhelming to put your whole health story out there to the public. If you’re like me, I kept my disease to myself and close family and friends for a decade. Going from that—to sharing my story with thousands, is polar opposite. But, I can tell you, once you open up, you won’t regret it. The moment you break down your own barriers and show your true stripes, you open yourself up to endless support and quickly come to realize how many others understand your reality.

It’s not a competition of the sick. Just because you haven’t started a biologic, just because you haven’t had surgery, just because you don’t have a bag, doesn’t mean your patient journey is any less significant or important. IBD impacts each and every one of us differently, but there are so many parallels along the way. Trust that what you are going through physically, mentally, and emotionally is something many people can relate to. I haven’t been hospitalized for my Crohn’s since August 2015 (before my blog went live!), but in my 14 years living with the disease I’ve experienced so many highs and so many lows, so many flare ups and so many feel good days. It all matters. And it’s all a part of it. People don’t just want to see you in the hospital or struggling, they want to see other aspects of your life, too.

Be patient with yourself through the process. Writing about life with IBD can be emotional. It can be draining to bring up old memories that were the most difficult days of your life. It can also be cathartic. Write stream of consciousness-style. Rather than thinking about each word and constantly hitting the delete button, just let it flow. Edit yourself later, not in the moment.

Have a thick skin. Being a patient advocate and a blogger isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. You are going to receive both public and private messages from naysayers. People may question why you aren’t “healing yourself with food” or “why you need a biologic”. The only person you need to answer to is the person looking back in the mirror, along with your physicians. No matter how much you share online, no one has the FULL story of your own personal experience. Let the judgers, judge…and keep on trucking. Keyboard warriors have a way with words, don’t allow others to bring you down or stress you out. That’s the last thing we need living with IBD. I’ve come across a few instances on Twitter, where banter got pretty heated. When my heart started racing and my stomach started hurting, I knew it was time to block them and move on. Don’t be afraid to block when needed.

Remember you are a patient, not a medical professional (unless you are both!) It gets dangerous when patient advocates spout off medical advice to those desperately looking for answers. When people come to you for support or with questions about how to handle their care—always advise them to talk with their care team, and remind them you are not a doctor, but this is what has worked for you. Yada Yada Yada.

Lean on others in the IBD family for guest posts/sharing your content on social media. Advocacy is not a competition. There is room at the IBD family dinner table for ALL of us. Interact with other people’s blog articles and social posts. Show them the love, chances are, that love will be reciprocated. Oftentimes, it can feel like everything you are doing is falling on deaf ears (thanks so much, Facebook algorithm)…that being said, don’t focus on the “likes” and the “comments”…if your article or your words help one person or one family, you’ve made a huge difference.

Always be on the lookout for content. The former TV news anchor and reporter in me always has my eyes and ears open for the next story. Look at social media and see what’s trending in the IBD community. Ask your followers what topics they’d like to see more on. Set up Google Alerts in your email to see the latest about IBD research and news. Pay attention to people’s stories. When someone reaches out to me with a question, I often dig a little deeper and see if this is something that would make for a good article. Every single person has a story to share, it’s just a matter of discovering what that story is.

Be authentic and true to who you are. Oftentimes businesses and companies will reach out to patient advocates looking for promotion or support. Don’t be a “yes-(wo)man”. Only promote causes and products that you genuinely believe in. Don’t sacrifice your hard-earned credibility for a few bucks, because your credibility is priceless.

Stop selling yourself short. Your IBD life and story is valuable. Gone are the days when big pharma and businesses can tap into us as resources for free. We’ve all gotten smarter about this. Your painful journey hasn’t been easy. But, with that journey, you’ve gained a perspective that businesses are thirsty for. They NEED our insight. They NEED our input and perspective. Unless you live with IBD personally, you can’t fully grasp what it’s like. Sure, volunteer work for the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation is one thing, but as soon as someone wants you to be an “influencer” or speak at an event, etc. know your worth and don’t ever be afraid to ask what the compensation is.

I’m hopeful that three years from now on July 23, 2022, I’ll still be blogging and will still be a vocal voice for the IBD community. Thank you for sharing in my journey and for pushing me to be better. Thank you for reading and for caring. Thank you for being a listening ear and a watchful eye. Thank you for walking alongside me through pregnancies and motherhood as a woman with IBD. I promise to deliver more content that helps guide you through your journey and show you just how capable you are of being everything you ever hoped for. God bless.

XO,

Natalie

My Tribute to the IBD Family: You are visible

May 20, 2019May 15, 2019Leave a comment

The theme of World IBD Day (which was yesterday, May 19) was to make the invisible, visible. Here’s my tribute to my fellow IBD warriors and their caregivers.

To the newly diagnosed…

To the person going through their first procedure whether it’s a CT scan or a colonoscopy…

To the parent of a child battling this disease…

To the person being wheeled in for their first surgery…

To the person taking their first steps out of the hospital bed while on the road to recovery…

To the person glancing at their incision for the first time…

To the person looking in the mirror and not recognizing the reflection looking back…

To the person on a liquid diet because it’s too painful to eat actual food…

To the person on a steroid feeling unattractive, irritable and high strung…

To the woman wondering if her body is strong enough to carry a baby…

To the man who’s concerned about being able to be a source of strength for his family…

To the pregnant woman worried about flaring and how it will impact her unborn child…

To the person beginning a biologic or a new medication, who’s petrified of the laundry list of side effects…

To the person crying themselves to sleep because they feel alone in their struggles…

To the mom who feels like she’s waging a never-ending war against her fatigue…

To the teen wondering if they’ll be able to go to college…

To the college student embarrassed of going to the bathroom in the dorms…

To the person nervous to open up in a relationship and disclose they have this disease…

To the person who had to get out of a relationship or was left because the support was lacking…

To the bride or the groom worried about having disease symptoms on their wedding day…

To the person shaking with fear in the parking lot of their doctor’s office, nervous to walk in and face the music…

To the person boarding an airplane nervous about symptoms and being around germs…

To the person who’s just been told another medication has failed them…

To the person lacking a genuine support system…

To the person who feels misunderstood, frustrated, and judged…

To the person sitting on the toilet contemplating whether a flare is starting to strike…

To the person in the passenger seat being rushed to the emergency room, yet again…

To the person getting their blood drawn staring at a focal point on the wall…

To the person who is constantly approached with the latest and greatest “fix”, “cure”, or way to “heal” …

To the person worried about passing this dreadful disease onto their children…

To the person with the bad veins dealing with their eighth IV poke…

To the person who feels lost and misses who they were prior to being diagnosed…

To the person lying in the fetal position trying to get through this moment…

To the community who feels like home to me.

I see you. I hear you. I believe in you. I’m here for you. I love you.

We’ve all been these people. We all know this is the reality of life with IBD. It’s not easy. It’s scary. It can be overwhelming. The emotional pain can oftentimes be worse than the physical pain. Living with a chronic illness, no matter what your age or circumstance is tough. There’s no sugar coating it.

At the same time, I want you to whole-heartedly believe that while this disease can rob you of joy, it can also provide you with perspective, strength, empathy, understanding, gratitude, patience, and clarity. You my friends, are far from invisible.

I see you. I hear you. I believe in you. I’m here for you. I love you.

Thank you for helping me to see the light on the dark days, inspiring me when I need it most, and showing me that there’s much more to life than being a patient. I hope I do the same for you, always. Use your journey. Use your story. Use your setbacks. Use all that you are, to inform, educate, and implore others to want to better understand your reality. I promise, you won’t be disappointed.

XOXO-Natalie

Why I cried talking about Crohn’s at my friend’s rehearsal dinner

April 22, 2019Leave a comment

I stood before a room of strangers last week and shared some sentiments about my friend Jenna who was marrying the love of her life the next morning. Chances are—you’ve been at a rehearsal dinner and participated in the ‘open mic’ opportunities.

Jenna’s birthday, 2009

As a former TV newsie, I always enjoy a chance to speak and articulate my feelings! I started out talking about how we knew one another and the type of friend she was—and then I went for it. I broke out the “C” card…the “Crohn’s” talk. Most of the people in the room were strangers to me until that night, some probably had no idea what Crohn’s was.

In that moment, I tearfully thanked my friend of more than 12 years in front of a roomful of people for always being present, always genuinely caring and for always being there not only in life’s amazing moments—but also through every flare up I’ve experienced along the way. When you are diagnosed with a chronic illness, you don’t stop and think twice about which friends are going to be there, you just expect it. Unfortunately, you’ll find many ‘friends’ tend to fade to the background and will continue to do so throughout your patient journey.

This friend—is the opposite. This friend has sent me countless snail mail letters on adorable stationary—some with Ryan Gosling’s face plastered all over it, others with an inspirational girl gang type quote. Each time I’ve been hospitalized, she’s been my constant ray of sunshine. Always texting. Always calling. Always checking in on me. Her efforts seem effortless. And that my friends, is priceless. Rather than feeling guilt for being “that friend” she makes me feel empowered and loved.

When you live with IBD (or any chronic illness for that matter)—seek out your Jenna(s). Find the people who lift you up. Trust in the bonds you create with those who are there for you because they want to be out of the goodness in their heart, not as an obligation. Hold on closely to the relationships that spark joy and don’t extinguish your flame. Lean on those who are willing to give you their hand to lift you up, even when you don’t ask for it.

At Jenna’s rehearsal dinner, I wanted her to know. I wanted her to know how her compassion and empathy meant the world to me. I wanted her to know how much I appreciate all the effort she continually puts into our friendship, despite living out of state from one another for the past decade. I wanted her friends and family members, and her now husband to see the impact she’s made on my life and how her efforts to be there, make her who she is.

My hope for the IBD family is friendships like this. The ones that stand the test of time. The ones that ground you. The ones that show you the beauty of another’s heart. The ones that remind you that you aren’t ever going into battle alone. The ones that serve as your light when the days are dark. They exist. They are possible. You just need to find them.

Wedding photo cred: Savannah Kay Photography

A letter to my daughter, from your mom with Crohn’s disease

December 17, 20189 Comments

My sweet daughter,

In less than 30 days you will be safe in my arms. It’s felt like a long journey to get to this point with you. Much like your brother, you’ve made me feel a sense of health that I never knew was possible. Through the creation of you and your life, I’ve found a deeper appreciation for my own.

You’ve silenced a disease that has ravaged my body for more than 13 years. You’ve reminded me of what is possible and what I’m capable of. You’re already an inspiration to me and you don’t even know it.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve hoped and dreamed for you. A daughter. A best friend. A relationship so sacred, so unique. Words don’t do justice for how anxious and excited I am to bring you into this world.

Just like your brother, you will see me struggle some days. Not with being your mom, but with my Crohn’s disease. It pains me to think about making you worry about my health or question when my next flare up will be, as leaving you and Reid for an extended hospital stay will be so tough on me and on our family.

I never want you to feel scared or question my resilience. Instead, I want to show you how strong I am and instill a positive attitude in you from a young age. You will witness the highs, the lows and everything in between that comes with chronic illness, but trust that mama will always come out on top. You and your brother serve as my greatest motivation to push through the pain and be strong. You’ll see how your dad loves and nurtures unconditionally and rises to every challenge that comes my way.

Here are my hopes for you.

A kind, happy heart. Always try and see the best in others, rather than coming to quick judgement. Soak in the happiness bestowed upon you each day and light up the room with your smile, even when the going gets tough.

A confident attitude and demeanor. Stand tall and be proud of who is looking back at you in the mirror. Love yourself for all that you are and don’t let any person make you question your worth.

A compassionate, empathetic mind. Recognize the pain of those around you, and be supportive, thoughtful and caring. Be a positive light in the lives of others.

A patience with yourself and others. Understand that life has setbacks, disappointments and pain, but that God has a plan for you. Trust in it, even when the path seems daunting or overwhelming. Try and use each challenge that comes your way as a moment to learn and grow.

A strength to use your voice. Never be afraid to speak up, be heard and communicate your hopes, dreams and fears. Feel empowered by your voice and know that everything you say and think matters.

A life without Crohn’s disease. While there are many qualities I would love to share with you—I hope and pray you stay healthy and never receive an IBD diagnosis. I will be there every step of the way, should that ever happen. I’ll be your best advocate and your closest confidant in sickness and in health, and always.

See you soon, my sweet girl. My rainbow baby. My darling. Someday you’ll know how you’ve made my heart fill with such joy and immense gratitude.

Mama

Food for thought: What it’s like to get all your nutrition through an IV with IBD

December 10, 2018December 10, 2018Leave a comment

This week–a guest post from an IBD advocate who continually inspires me. Meet Sonya Goins. She is a news reporter for a community television station in the Minneapolis/St.Paul area. Sonya is also a Crohn’s patient, diagnosed with the digestive disease in 1985 while she was in college. I’ll let her take it from here:

While fighting the physical pain of Crohn’s is tough, the mental aspect is even harder.

On January 3rd, 2018 my doctor put me on TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition), which means I was fed through my veins. All of the nutrients I needed to survive were in an IV bag and pumped through my veins throughout the day. My doctor wanted to give my colon a rest so ulcers could heal. I endured this treatment for eight and half months. It was one of the most trying times of my life. No food, just water, broth and on occasion, coffee.

Despite my circumstances, I named my IV catheter “hopeful.” However, it took me a minute to adapt a positive inner attitude. You see, in public I put on a good, cheerful attitude. There were times when I wanted to crawl up into a big ball and shut out the world. The first few weeks of constantly wearing a backpack full of IV fluids were very hard. I did not like what I saw in the mirror. I was angry at my situation. It wasn’t until I visited a pediatric Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation support group that I changed my way of thinking. Seeing young people living with the digestive diseases, and going about their lives despite their circumstances, motivated me to do better.

I had to live my new normal to the best of my ability.

The mental game of TPN

Mentally, not eating real food was very, very challenging. Although I could not eat, I still cooked for my youngest child. The smells of the food made my mouth water, tempting me to taste what I know would make me sick. There were a few times I lived on the edge and took a sample. I paid for my mistakes—painful cramps and bloody diarrhea were my punishment.

After the first month on TPN, I knew I needed professional help if I were to survive. So, I sought the help of a therapist. I also prayed and meditated—a lot.

First, I needed a distraction for when I was tempted to eat. A friend taught me how to crochet. She even purchased the yarn, hooks and beginner books to get me going. I still cannot do a granny square, but I learned a new skill.

When times were bad and I wanted to give up, I would mentally go to my happy place—Turks and Caicos. Several years ago, I visited the Caribbean Islands. I imagined myself sitting on the pristine beaches, watching the waves crash.

The social impact

The loss of social invitations also did a number on me. Some of my friends did not want to hurt my feelings by eating in front of me, so they stopped including me. However, I did have one friend who went out of her way and found a restaurant that served the best broth in town. We sipped on broth and caught up with each other’s lives. This was one of the highlights.

I was determined not to let this situation get the best of me. Instead of going out to eat with friends, I invited friends to go for a walk. I walked with former coworkers, acquaintances and family members. The fresh air and good conversations did me a lot of good.

Taking steps to heal mentally and physically

Walking became my foundation. I was motivated to walk for another reason. Before I got sick, I signed up for several half marathons to raise money for the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation. I finished the New Orleans half marathon in March, just three months into my treatment. I have never been so proud. I had to walk the race, but I finished. Several months later, I also completed the Twin Cities 10 mile race, and the Savannah half marathon.

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My unexpected journey made me stronger mentally and physically. I am more outgoing and more self-assured than ever before. After all, you cannot be shy walking around with an IV bag strapped to your body.

I share my story to give others hope.

Sonya Goins is also a Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation Board Member/MN Dakota Chapter. You can find her blog at SonyaStrong.com. She also has a podcast on iTunes and GooglePlay entitled “Conversations about Crohn’s and Colitis.”

My Cause My Cleats: How Chicago Bear Anthony Miller is Representing IBD

December 8, 2018Leave a comment

When Chicago Bear standout rookie wide receiver, Anthony Miller laces up his cleats to take on the Los Angeles Rams this Sunday, his cleats will tell a story. A story many may not be aware of. Anthony’s longtime girlfriend, Alexandra Pounders, has battled Crohn’s disease for nearly 10 years. She was diagnosed at age 14.

This Sunday (Dec. 9), Anthony will participate in the NFL’s My Cause My Cleats campaign, as a way to spread awareness for inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and show support to his girlfriend. Anthony’s cleats will feature the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation.

“Being able to bring awareness about IBD through football means a lot to me. When I wear these cleats against the Rams, I’m not only going to be representing my girlfriend Alexandra, but also the millions of people across the globe who suffer from this disease,” said Anthony.

This is the third year for the My Cause for Cleats effort. It’s a way for NFL players to take steps to visually show their support for causes near and dear to their hearts. Anthony and Alexandra have been together almost five years. Alexandra says Anthony has been there for her every step of the way, whether it’s attending doctor visits or motivating her to stay strong during setbacks.

“It feels amazing to know there is someone by my side who cares so much for me that they want to spread awareness about this illness. Anthony has seen me fight for so long. It makes me feel like I’m not going through this alone,” said Alexandra.

“We are thrilled to see several NFL players, including Anthony Miller, raise awareness of Crohn’s and colitis through this year’s My Cause My Cleats campaign,” said Michael Osso, President & CEO of the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation. “More than 3 million Americans live with these diseases, and, like Anthony, even more are touched by them as loved ones of patients. Using their platform as professional athletes to speak out about Crohn’s and colitis not only helps educate the public about the seriousness of these diseases but also underscores how wide-reaching these diseases are and how important it is to have the support of loved ones.”

Alexandra’s advice to the IBD community is to put your personal needs first and try to keep stress to a minimum, while accepting support from others.

“Surround yourself amongst people who may not completely know what it feels like to be in your shoes, but people who are willing to be patient with you and love you on the days that aren’t so great. Focus on being the best possible you that you can be in every aspect…mentally, physically, emotionally and surround yourself amongst people who truly care about you, it’ll be so much easier to overcome the obstacles you face with this disease. Stay positive. Hold on tightly to your faith. And don’t let this disease define you,” said Alexandra.

Chicago is my hometown and where the majority of my family lives. As a Bears fan and as a Crohn’s disease patient advocate who was diagnosed in July 2005, seeing professional football players put causes like the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation in the spotlight means a great deal. Check out the #mycausemycleats hashtag on social media to learn more about the cause.

lights camera crohn's

an unobstructed view

Tag: motivation