When someone questions how you manage your illness, or seems to belittle your patient experience, it’s easy to get combative and think the worst. But, recently—while on Twitter, I saw a fellow patient advocate and friend of mine respond to a tweet by saying “Assume Positive Intent” (API). This is the first time I had ever heard of the concept. It intrigued me immediately. Like most people, sometimes when words are said or actions are made—I immediately jump to conclusions and internalize what I think the person meant. Part of this is being sensitive and part of this is life with a chronic illness. There aren’t a whole lot of “safe spaces” for those of us to feel understood and connected with.
Social media allows complete strangers and even those close to us to be keyboard warriors. People often feel like they can hide behind a screen and be hurtful. At the same time, just like with texting—posts on social media can be interpreted incorrectly. Rather than lash out or get defensive, take a moment to pause, gather your thoughts and remind yourself that most people wake up each day with a desire to live life in a positive way and do good in this world.
By not getting caught up in others’ actions and intent—we’re freeing ourselves of the stress that can be a key trigger to our inflammatory bowel disease and that has detrimental effects on our mental health. You will feel empowered simply by taking a moment to think about how you’re going to respond to someone else. You can’t control others, but you can control how you feel and how you react.
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. At the end of the day, by giving others the benefit of the doubt—you’re able to change the way you approach conflict and you’re able to rid some negativity from your life. I’m not saying never stick up for yourself and let everyone treat you how they want, but use this strategy as a way to handle your personal relationships and how you respond to others. It will say a lot about your character and make you feel in the driver’s seat, at a time you normally may feel out of control.
So, here’s my challenge to you. The next time you feel a guard go up or when you feel disappointed by another person’s words or actions—assume positive intent. As someone who’s battled Crohn’s disease for over 13 years, I constantly find myself needing to take a step back and remember that the only person who’s lived my journey is me. It’s up for me to tell my story. It’s up for me to share it. It’s up to me to communicate to those when my feelings are hurt or I’m disappointed. But before I jump to conclusions, I need to assume the other person is trying to help me or learn more about my experience—rather than ruin my day or hurt my feelings. API all day, baby. Try it. Trust it. Live it.