Pregnant with #3 and excited to share more news with you!

Well, the cat’s out of the bag. I’m 14 weeks pregnant (tomorrow) with a baby BOY! We will be family of five in mid-July. Since as long as I’ve remembered, I’ve envisioned my life with three children, I just never thought it would happen in the middle of a pandemic! Bobby and I feel extremely fortunate with all the outpouring of love, support, and congratulations during this exciting time for our family. As an IBD mom, I feel constant gratitude that my remission has held strong these 5-plus years and enabled me to have healthy, uneventful pregnancies. So far, out of all four of my pregnancies (miscarried between Reid and Sophia), this one has been my “easiest”. Aside from too many migraines to count, the nausea and fatigue in the first trimester were minimal and I feel great most days.

While I plan to be transparent and share content over the next six months about my experience being a high-risk pregnancy during these crazy pandemic times, I also want you to know I’m cognizant of the fact that pregnancy announcements, and pictures of baby bumps can be a trigger for our community. I am empathetic to the fact that family planning can look differently for those of us with Crohn’s and ulcerative colitis. Because of this—I’m excited to announce I’ll be launching a special series on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s entitled “IBD Motherhood Unplugged”.

IBD Motherhood Unplugged topics will include (but are not limited to):

  • The decision not to have children due to IBD
  • Being told you can’t carry a child and coping with that loss
  • Adoption
  • Surrogacy
  • Infertility
  • IBD pregnancy after loss
  • Single parenting with IBD
  • Biologics and pregnancy/breastfeeding
  • The list goes on…

If you want to share your experience of navigating family planning or motherhood with IBD, please reach out. I already have several women lined up, ready and willing to share their personal journeys. I’m anxious to share their brave and resilient words with you.

My advocacy focus has always been to be the voice I so desperately needed to hear upon diagnosis and through all of life’s milestones. I want you to feel seen. I want you to feel heard. I also want you to remain hopeful that pregnancy and motherhood is possible for most women with IBD, we all just get there in different ways.

Juggling two under two while taking on Crohn’s disease

As the weeks go by and the days get closer for baby girl to arrive, I can’t help but feel anxious and nervous about what it’s going to be like having two kids under two, while managing my Crohn’s disease. Throughout this pregnancy, I’ve quickly come to realize how my needs and health oftentimes take a backseat as I take care of my little guy. IMG_3626While I feel incredibly blessed to be in this position, it comes with its own unique set of worries.

Prior to becoming a mom, my sole focus could be taking care of myself. While hospitalizations and flare ups were always dreadful, looking back, I had no idea how much “easier” it was to go through sickness, when all I had to worry about was me. I think many IBD women are hesitant to become moms because they are fearful of being able to juggle it all. That’s a valid concern, but personally motherhood has always been something I’ve dreamed of and wanted. I wasn’t about to allow my disease to hold me back from experiencing it.

That being said—you have to find patience within yourself and a trust in listening to your body’s symptoms to know when you’re doing too much and need to slow down. You need to be willing to wave the white flag at times and surrender to your illness. You have to be willing to ask for help. You need to be confident in the fact that your children will grow up differently than others. IMG_3802They will live within a home that talks about chronic illness and experiences it each day. Your little ones will learn compassion and perspective before they are even able to truly communicate. If you have a child and chronic illness, you know what I mean.

So far, I’ve been a mom for 19 months. I’m still a rookie. I’m still in the trenches of learning how to navigate this new life. But, I’m proud of how I’ve taken on the role of motherhood and balanced my illness along with it. I finally feel like I’m in sort of a cruise control with my son. In January, everything will start anew as we welcome our daughter into the world. Reid simply can’t wait for “sissy” …he constantly kisses my belly and tries to pull up my shirt, so he can “see” her.  While I can’t wait either, the fear of a postpartum flare once again weighs on my heart. There are so many what ifs as a chronic illness mom.

What if I’m hospitalized and have to leave TWO babies at home until I’m well? What if my disease spirals out of control and I’m home alone with nowhere to turn? What if the stress of taking care of two children with limited help sends me into a flare up? What if I’m not enough? I’m trying to be proactive now to prepare myself mentally for both the magical moments and the challenges that I’ll be presented with when we become a family of four. IMG_3723Whether it’s with motherhood or with living life with Crohn’s, it’s important to remind yourself that everything goes through stages. There are highs and lows, but each moment is fleeting.

One of the most amazing parts of pregnancy when you have chronic illness is witnessing your body create a miracle, right before your eyes, after years of letting you down. It’s a beautiful reminder that despite your illness and the parts of you internally that tend to malfunction, you are still able to carry a child and bring a life into this world. Pregnancy and motherhood have given me a renewed sense of self in my patient journey with Crohn’s. Motherhood has helped me love my body again, after years of damning it. It’s shown me that while IBD has shaken me to the core and blindsided me countless times, it hasn’t taken away one of the life’s most gracious gifts and experiences.