How motherhood has helped me discover I’m so much more than my IBD

We walked out of the automatic rotating doors of the hospital and the cold air hit my face. I looked up to the sky in thanks, to show my gratitude and to take in the moment. We had our baby girl in tow, our Sophia Shea. img_5915It was a brisk January morning. Tears filled my eyes as I was overcome with emotion. Our rainbow baby is here, safe and sound. Another pregnancy behind me, a pregnancy that silenced my Crohn’s disease and provided sweet reprieve from my chronic illness. It was time to take Sophia home and start our life as a family of four.

When your health is taken from you and when you receive a diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease, life prior to illness often feels like a distant memory. There’s something so sacred and so special about bringing a healthy life into this world, despite your own shortcomings.

My Sophia, much like my sweet son Reid, are my inspiration and motivation to push through the difficult days and find strength and perspective within myself. The creation of their lives has renewed my faith in my own body. img_5886Each time I have a procedure or deal with painful symptoms, I see their faces, I say their names in my head, and it brings me a sense of calm. My goal when Reid was born, was to stay out of the hospital until he could walk, luckily that’s been the case. He’ll be two in March. Now, I have that same goal following the arrival of my daughter.

Pregnancy and child birth bring about such an amazing, miraculous transformation. You see life created right before your eyes. You experience a shift in your own identity. There’s nothing like it. There are no words to capture the emotions and the overwhelming love you feel for your children.

Finding the balance: Motherhood and IBD

17-untitled-9166Motherhood and IBD can be a difficult and challenging balance. Some days the fatigue and symptoms are so debilitating you feel like you’re falling short. At the same time, the days where you’re feeling well, remind you that you are so much more than your disease. Just because you have a chronic illness, doesn’t mean you are robbed of experiencing the beauty of life and what it feels like to have your very own family.

Women often reach out to me with questions regarding fertility, conceiving, pregnancy and what it’s like to take on parenting while battling IBD. There are so many unknowns. I know it can be daunting. img_5751It all starts with recognizing where you are in your patient journey and then determining when your symptoms and body are in the best shape to get pregnant. While everyone’s disease experience is different—the worries, concerns and fears associated with parenting and chronic illness are often the same. Always know you are never alone. Communicating these feelings with those around you, makes all the difference. Lean on our patient community and all those who’ve lived your reality.

I treated my pregnancies the same. I had colonoscopies prior to trying, to ensure I did not have active disease. Once I received that green light, I discussed my game plan with my OB, high risk OB and my GI and had monthly and sometimes weekly appointments. Each time—I stayed on my medication and vitamins from start to finish, which includes the biologic drug, Humira. I had scheduled c-sections for both. It’s all about finding what works for you, what brings you comfort as you embark on this journey and being confident in your decisions. It’s your body. It’s your baby.

29-untitled-9292When Sophia Shea entered the world January 14, 2019, our family received a wonderful gift. Between our son Reid and our baby girl, we could not be more blessed. My chronic illness has given me such an appreciation for health and for life in general. With the pregnancies behind me, I often reflect on where I started back at age 21 in 2005. At that time, in my eyes, I was Natalie and I had Crohn’s disease. There was no telling what my future would hold. Now, nearly 14 years later, at age 35, I’m so much more. I’m a mom to two under two. I’m a wife. I’m a daughter. I’m a sister. I’m an aunt. I’m a friend. And I also have Crohn’s.

 

The story behind the announcement: Celebrating our rainbow baby

On Mother’s Day we received the best news. I woke up, took a pregnancy test and found out our little rainbow baby had arrived. Two months prior, I endured a miscarriage. It’s something I don’t talk about often, but something that still stings.

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Mother’s Day 2018-the day we found out we were pregnant.

Ironically, I would have been 13 weeks on Mother’s Day. We had planned to make the news public on that day. God had a different plan for our family and brought in new life that day instead. Each time I say “baby number 2” I hesitate, since it’s actually baby number 3.

For me, miscarriage was worrisome, because I didn’t want the stress or grief to throw my Crohn’s out of control. I didn’t want to jeopardize my health for the next pregnancy or for my family. I hesitated in whether to share about this experience, but know my words will help to shed light on something so many women go through, often in silence. As a chronic illness mom of a 15 month old son, I not only want to share the happy times, but also let you know my days are not all sunshine and rainbows. If you are reading this and yearning for a baby, know my heart is with you. If you’re concerned about your body that’s stricken with a chronic illness creating life, you are not alone. When you see a pregnancy announcement on social media, understand there may be a backstory you are unaware of. announcement

Pregnancy while battling Crohn’s disease, or any illness for that matter, is a constant state of unknowns. You never know if your body is going to fail you or how your medications are going to impact your unborn child. It’s a heavy weight to hold. The symptoms of pregnancy coupled with Crohn’s symptoms are a lot to handle, especially while chasing a toddler around. The fatigue is amplified ten fold. The benefit of pregnancy symptoms is that there is an end in sight, you know you’re feeling poorly for the best reason possible. It’s so much different than chronic illness, which is never-ending.

The key for me is staying proactive with my health. Recognizing when I need to slow down. When I need to lean heavily on my husband for help and trusting that my son will be “ok” if we spend a low key day at home. I find since I’ve brought a life into this world before, I am more confident in my body and what it’s capable of. I’ve witnessed that despite taking a biologic my entire first pregnancy, my son is the picture of health. It’s my hope that’s the case for our baby girl who is due in January.

As women and as mothers, there is so much to consider when going into a pregnancy and starting a family. My hope is that you don’t allow your chronic illness to rob you of your dreams, if this is what you aspire to have in your life. I use a healthcare team approach and seek care from a regular OB, high-risk OB and my gastroenterologist. blogbabyEveryone works together to watch me, the baby and the pregnancy every step of the way. We get an ultrasound once a month! I see that as a perk!

I’m so excited for what’s ahead for my family and hope and pray the second and third trimesters go smoothly and are flare-free. Thank you for all the support, well wishes and kind words. I share my story because I want to touch lives. I want to show that motherhood is possible, despite illness and that you too can find your rainbow.