As a soon-to-be, first-time mom with a high risk pregnancy due to my Crohn’s disease, this journey has been extremely exciting and the greatest blessing I’ve ever experienced. But, despite how smooth it all has gone so far (knock on wood), the experience for any new parent comes with its fair shares of questions and concerns.

As my belly gets more and more like a basketball it mentally gets more and more difficult to administer a biologic injection into my thigh. When one of my many pregnancy apps recently let me know that “baby’s intestines are forming today”…I couldn’t help but wonder if they will be healthy throughout his life, pained with the worry that I could pass along my chronic illness to him. Anytime I feel a cramp or a pain in my abdomen I stop and try and decide whether it’s pregnancy related or my Crohn’s acting up. Let me tell you, round ligament pain feels eerily similar to an average day of Crohn’s pain! My GI has assured me that it’s my body acclimating to the baby and making room for him.

On Friday (Nov. 11), my husband and I got to see our little man for the 20 week anatomy scan. It’s truly such a miracle to see how he’s developed since the start and to not only see him move but also feel the flutters of his little body for the first time this past week. We were relieved to hear he is growing as he should and looking healthy as can be.

As the weeks go by I keep praying that I won’t have any complications with my disease process when I hit 25-30 weeks. My high risk OB warned me that’s a pivotal time when for some reason things can take a turn for the worse. I also hope that if and when my next flare strikes that Baby Hayden is here—and not still needing to grow and thrive inside of me. While there’s a lot of talk about postpartum flares around the 2-3 month mark, as much as that’s not ideal…it doesn’t scare me. I can break out the big guns and take all the IV drugs I need to heal if that’s the case. I just don’t want to have to do anything that could possibly harm or stress the baby.

My husband always reminds me that there’s no reason to worry—until you actually have a reason to worry. I wish I could be that calm all the time…but he’s right. There’s no sense in getting all stressed over something that could maybe happen, hasn’t happened yet, or is completely out of your control. Whether you have a chronic illness or whether you’re completely healthy, we’re all on the same playing field when it comes to not knowing what tomorrow will bring. All we can do is celebrate the daily joys we experience and have confidence that there’s a bigger plan in play for us all.