Finding faith through the storm that is IBD

February 17, 2020February 17, 20207 Comments

Prior to falling ill two years ago and finally receiving a Crohn’s disease diagnosis in December 2019, 33-year-old Kolby Noble, of Maryland, never knew how much her strong faith would help her through the ups and downs of chronic illness. As a wife, mom of three, and an educator, Kolby shares a heartfelt, eye-opening piece that beautifully captures how faith correlates to the daily battles we face as people with IBD.

Picture it. Jesus had left His disciples in their boat on the sea so that He could spend some time alone. It wasn’t long before a powerful storm developed. Jesus returns to the disciples, walking on the water through the wind and the waves, but they don’t recognize Him and are afraid. Jesus speaks to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid”. (Matthew 14:7)

I’ve always been in awe of the ocean. As a child I used to play in the waves of the Atlantic or stare into its horizon and I always felt so small in comparison. I would often wonder how the same God that made the ocean, so vast and wide and deep, would create me, too. How could the same God who told the waves to dance along the shore love and know me so intimately? My life has been much like the ocean. Much of it has been beautiful and calm. But like the disciples and everyone else there have been storms, too. Somehow it’s always through the wind and the waves of those storms that I hear Jesus call to me.

It’s been two years since I first thought something was wrong with my health. For two years the wind and the waves have strengthened until, like the disciples, I found myself in the midst of a powerful storm. I was as sick as I’d ever been in my life, and couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t getting better. In December 2019, I received confirmation that I had Crohn’s Disease. I was afraid. But through the wind and the waves, I heard Him say “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

Back in the boat with Jesus that day was a man named Peter. Peter saw Jesus on the water and when Jesus called to Peter to step out of the boat and come to Him, Peter didn’t hesitate. In the midst of the storm Peter climbed out of the boat and started walking to his Savior. Soon, though, Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and focused instead on the wind and the waves and began to sink. He cried out “Lord, save me!” (Matthew 14:30) and Jesus instantly reached out His hand to catch Peter. When He pulled Peter from the water Jesus simply asked “Why did you doubt?” They returned to the boat and the wind and waves cease.

Much like Peter, I knew Jesus before the storm of Crohn’s Disease developed. I had witnessed His miracles in my life, just as Peter had before the storm arose on the sea that day. When I received my Crohn’s disease diagnosis, I heard Jesus tell me not to be afraid. As I stepped out to meet Him in the storm for comfort it wasn’t long before I took my eyes off of Him and focused instead on the wind and the waves. It’s easy to focus on feeling sick, being in pain, being too exhausted to get up each day, or not having the energy to take care of your family. I was taking medication multiple times a day just to function, to somehow get through each work each day. I found myself focusing on all the tests and doctor’s appointments I had to go to, and the infusions I’ll have to take for the rest of my life to maintain any sense of health I used to know. I focused on the unpredictability that is Crohn’s, and not on the predictable, steadfast love that can only be found in our Savior.

God doesn’t promise those that believe smooth seas or calm waters. He never says that life is going to be easy. He actually tells us just the opposite. Isaiah 43:2 says “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.” What a comfort to know that in the midst of our storms we can look out and find a Savior. God knew before I ever took a breath I would have to fight this disease. He knew that it would be hard, and painful, and exhausting. But He loves me, and He is with me, and it’s because of Him that I can face the storm. You can, too.

If you have just been diagnosed with a form of IBD, I encourage you not to focus on the wind or the waves. Focus instead on a Savior who is ready to reach out and catch you when you start to sink. Don’t doubt His love for you. Don’t doubt that He will be with you through the storm. Instead, listen for the voice that says “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid”. For mightier than the waves of the sea is His love for you. (Psalm 93:4)

Love and IBD: What I wish I would have known

February 10, 2020February 9, 20201 Comment

Love doesn’t always come easy. Especially when you have a chronic illness like Crohn’s disease. Dating, relationships and finding “the one” becomes a bit more complicated when your health isn’t on par with that of your peers. Before I met my husband Bobby, I had several eye-opening experiences that left me feeling unlovable and unworthy.

When I was diagnosed with Crohn’s in the emergency room two months after college graduation in 2005 and hospitalized for eight days, my boyfriend never visited and broke up with me over the phone the day I got home. Prior to my diagnosis we were head over heels in love and talked about the future.

When I was hospitalized with an abscess in my small intestine that was the size of a tennis ball over Fourth of July weekend and on the brink of surgery in 2008, my boyfriend of seven months never visited and told me gas prices were too much (for a 3 hour drive) and told me he preferred to go fishing.

When I was about to jump in the shower for a first date in 2009, I fell to my knees in my bathroom from excruciating pain and had to text the guy and tell him my Crohn’s was flaring and that I was headed to the hospital. He laughed at me and told me it was comical that I used that excuse and should just admit I didn’t want to see him. I was hospitalized with a bowel obstruction that night. Never heard from him again.

These were poignant moments in my 20’s that stick with me to this day. I look at those experiences now as a blessing of course, but hindsight is 20-20. When you’re in the thick of taking on IBD and trying to find someone to spend your life with, these struggles can feel overwhelming and extremely daunting. Not everyone is cut out to be a caretaker, and that’s ok—but if you live with a chronic illness like me, it’s imperative you find someone with a nurturing heart, a patient personality, and a comforting way about them.

When you fall in love with IBD, there’s an extra layer of complexity, trust, dependency, and appreciation. There’s no telling what the next hour will bring. You need to be flexible. You need to be understanding that plans may not go as expected. You need to trust that when the next flare up strikes that you won’t be on your own and that your partner will be there every step of the way.

Imagine doing a trust fall. You need to count on your person to ALWAYS be there to catch you when they least expect it. You need to believe that when the going gets tough you won’t be deserted; you won’t be made to feel as a burden. You need to trust that your partner sees you as much more than your disease.

Love and IBD isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but that’s the case with every love story. It’s navigating unknown waters and knowing that just because you go under for a little while, doesn’t mean you won’t be floating in the calm soon. It’s being vulnerable with the fact that your body will continually let you down, but it’s also capable of surprising you, too. It’s knowing when to ask for help and not being scared to communicate your needs. It’s making sure your partner knows how much you appreciate all that they do, even if they don’t feel like they’re going above and beyond. It’s the comfort of knowing that any minute of the day, you can tell your partner you’re unwell and everything else going on becomes background noise.

If you’re reading this and you haven’t found your person or if you’re unsure about whether your significant other is meant to be, think about the type of person you want alongside you as your #1 confidante for everything in life, including your disease.

If you feel like a burden, if you’re made to feel like your disease is a joke, if you feel like you’re ghosted anytime your health goes awry, take all those feelings as red flags. Sure, the way some of my ex’s treated me when it came to my Crohn’s was extremely disheartening, but at the same time those flare ups were the truth serum I needed to see people’s true colors. Use this to your advantage.

When you find the person who genuinely chooses to stay, to be your rock, to be your sounding board, that’s when you know you’re where you’re meant to be. IBD causes us to be vulnerable, but it also opens our eyes to the true character of others and helps guide our way for finding love that’s meant to last.

Drowning out the noise of social media as a mom with Crohn’s

February 3, 2020February 3, 2020Leave a comment

Comparison. Feelings of inadequacy. Fear of missing out. Guilt. Jealousy. Chances are, you’ve experienced all these emotions and then some when it comes to your involvement on social media. While being able to connect with friends, family, strangers, and celebrities right at our fingertips can be fun and entertaining, it can also be detrimental to our overall well-being, especially as people who live with chronic illness. So how can we drown out the noise and focus on accounts and people who evoke joy, fulfillment, and empowerment? Oftentimes it’s easier said than done, but here are some helpful reminders.

Think about how you narrate and select what to post, others do the same. That selfie you posted with your husband, if only your followers knew you guys were having words hours before. That perfect photo of your child laughing, let’s not forget about the 50 takes and the tantrum that occurred before and after it. Remember that the photos you see capture a moment. They are often edited with filters, captions, you name it. Even though we know everyone crafts their content the same, we’re all so quick to envision how much better or how “perfect” the lives of those in our “inner” circle are. All comparison does is rob of us joy.

If a certain person or a page is making you feel negatively, stop following, stop engaging. One of the best tools on Facebook and Instagram is the ability to unfollow (but stay friends with people) and “mute” people on Instagram. Pretty sure we all have accounts that make us feel a certain way, it’s not healthy to continue an online presence with someone who makes you feel unhappy or less than.

Stop chasing the “likes” and the followers. It’s so easy to get caught up in the numbers. How many people liked this post, how many followers does he have, how did she get so many followers? In a world where we all want immediate gratification, think about how it feels when you share something and there are crickets on the other end. Use your social media channels as a platform to share what you care about and what matters most to you, rather than trying to think about what others want to see.

Be conscious of the content your put out in the world. Everybody is facing their own struggles, regardless of how wonderful their life looks on social media. Be cognizant of the fact that your words and posts could cause someone else to hurt. Think about how your friends with fertility or child loss feel each time they see a pregnancy announcement or baby photo. Think about how your friends in the chronic illness community feel when you’re talking about your remission or even your setbacks. It’s not to say that we shouldn’t celebrate huge milestones or challenges, but there’s a way to be tactful, a way to be considerate. Be empathetic to others.

For me, my Crohn’s has been in remission since August 2015. I’m going on almost five years of feeling well, most of my days, which is great…but often as people and as patients we feel a sense of guilt for doing well when our peers are in a flare or constantly in the hospital. There’s a survivor’s guilt that plays into chronic illness. While you may want to celebrate how well you feel, also remember when you were the person in the hospital bed.

Hospitalized with a bowel obstruction the year of my surgery.

Remember how you felt the day you were diagnosed. Remember how you felt getting rolled into surgery. Remember how you felt waking up from your colonoscopy scared to hear the results. Just remember.

While social media has done wonders for the IBD community and other health spaces, there are still people who bring others down. There are many people professing cures and providing false hopes to those desperate for answers. Be weary of who you let in. Recognize that there are keyboard warriors out there who don’t care about you and will say something for shock value or to bring you down. Be skeptical when you see messages from strangers telling you to try this diet or join a group. I know when you’re feeling isolated in your illness you jump on the opportunity to connect with someone you think “gets it” but be mindful of these connections and guard your heart.

One of my favorite things to do after putting my kids to bed is to charge my phone in the kitchen and turn it on silent. This forces me to be present with my husband and relax. Relax from the pressure of commenting and engaging and just shut out the outside world. While being accessible and helping others is one of my favorite parts of patient advocacy and something I do with all my heart, it’s important to know when to take a break and when to focus on who is right in front of you, rather than a stranger who you’ve never met.

From IVF to surrogacy: This IBD mom’s resilient journey

January 27, 2020January 27, 2020Leave a comment

IBD and surrogacy. Those are loaded words. Both evoke emotions and opinions for unique reasons. For Jessie Magaro, 34 of Atlanta, the decision came after the unfathomable struggles she had with her Crohn’s during pregnancy and after. To provide you with the backstory, Jessie was diagnosed with Crohn’s and endometriosis when she was 15. She underwent an elective surgery her senior year of high school for her Crohn’s that put her into surgical remission for 15 years.

Jessie got married in 2016. While she was loving every second of newlywed life, she started feeling endometriosis pains. Less than a year after tying the knot, her doctor discovered her fallopian tubes were blocked. It was unclear if the blockage was due solely to endometriosis, or if it was a result of scar tissue from her bowel resection. Either way, IVF seemed to be the only option to get pregnant, and her fallopian tubes would need to be removed for that to be successful. In November 2017, Jessie underwent the surgery. When she woke up, she thought she would be stripped of the ability to conceive a baby naturally. But, her surgeon told her they were able to save and repair one of her tubes.

Jessie ended up getting pregnant right away, but unfortunately had an ectopic pregnancy that ended up severely rupturing her fallopian tube. During emergency surgery to remove the remaining tube, it was determined her endometriosis was severe and IVF needed to happen sooner than later. I had the chance to interview Jessie about her harrowing experience to bring a baby into this world, while living with IBD and endometriosis.

NH: How did IVF impact your IBD?

JM: “The moment we started IVF, I felt a shift in my body. A storm was brewing, and I could feel it. My completely dormant Crohn’s appeared to be waking up, but I didn’t want to believe it. I battled through the IVF process while experiencing my first flare in a decade in a half. The Reproductive Endocrinologist and GI were miffed. No one could say if this was an isolated reaction to the hormones, or if I was truly experiencing an active flare. After a lot of back and forth, and hard conversations with medical professionals and our families, we decided to proceed with implanting an embryo. The thought process was that most women tend to do better in pregnancy with Crohn’s, if they had been in remission prior. The hope was that this “flare” was an isolated incident from the IVF drugs/hormones, and that everything would calm down once I was pregnant. It was a risk, but one we decided we were willing to take. After a short round of prednisone, the flare subsided, and we proceeded with the transfer.”

NH: You now have a beautiful, healthy 13-month-old daughter to show for it. What was your pregnancy like?

JM: “My pregnancy was a terrifying whirlwind of trying to manage an awful flare while keeping the baby safe. I developed a new manifestation of the disease I never had before: Perianal Crohn’s. Not a pleasant situation and one that is very difficult to treat/manage while pregnant. Things got so bad at one point, I had to have surgery to drain an abscess and place a seton to help a fistula heal. No one wants to have surgery pregnant. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. The first trimester was spent hoping and praying the baby would make it with all the turmoil going on in my abdomen. The second trimester was spent hoping and praying we could keep her in there long enough to be viable outside of the womb. The third trimester was spent in an unbearable amount of pain fighting the urge to take the prescribed pain pills and being so scared about how the increased biologics, steroids and other new drugs being introduced into my system might affect her.”

NH: You must have been going through so many emotional struggles at this time, on top of all the physical.

JM: “The level of anguish and guilt I felt was unimaginable. I already felt like I was failing at my motherly duty to protect her and keep her safe. By 32 weeks it was clear I was rapidly deteriorating, and we had exhausted all treatment possibilities deemed “safe” while pregnant. I desperately needed more aggressive treatment, and that couldn’t happen until she was out. With the newly manifested, aggressive, perianal disease, a vaginal birth was out of the question. I held on until 36 weeks and on New Year’s Eve of 2018 we welcomed our baby girl. We were so incredibly relieved she was ok, and the focus quickly shifted to how not ok mom was.”

NH: As a fellow IBD mom, we all know how challenging the postpartum time is, along with chronic illness. How did you navigate that?

JM: “The first five months of her life were spent in and out of the hospital non-stop. At one point we were traveling down to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville for weeks at a time (without her) for testing and treatment. Leaving her the first few months was by far the hardest, most gut-wrenching thing I’ve ever experienced. I would sit in the hotel bathtub staring at the IV in my arm sobbing. The physical and emotional pain was unbearable. I remember agonizing over the decision to start the new meds, or continue breastfeeding her, and the doctor saying to me “you NEED these meds, Jessie. You HAVE to get better. She needs you to get better more than she needs you to breastfeed her right now …” cue the waterfall of tears again.”

NH: You started to turn the corner when your daughter was six months old. Tell us about that.

JM: “The pain had begun to subside enough for me to take care of her without help, I could finally leave the house and I was starting to feel a little more like myself again. I was, and still am a year later, in an active flare, but we’re making progress. After talking to many medical professionals, we decided it was not safe for me to carry another child. We still don’t know if it was the IVF drugs/hormones that caused the flare going into pregnancy, or if hormones in general and my Crohn’s disease just don’t mix, but we’re not willing to put myself, or another baby at risk like that again.”

NH: I can only imagine what a difficult and complicated decision this has been for you and your husband.

JM: “This was not a decision that was made easily or lightly. As we go through the motions of finding a surrogate to carry baby number two, my days are filled with a roller coaster of emotions. We know we want another child, but at what price? I can’t take care of my family if I am unwell. If carrying another child myself leads me to be unwell again … is it worth it? Or, do I trust someone else, a safer vessel, to carry a precious sibling for our daughter. We’ve chosen to pursue a safer vessel. I am so unbelievably grateful that surrogacy is an option for us and will allow us to continue growing our family while keeping me safe.”

This story is not meant to scare anyone with IBD who is looking to start a family. Make sure you are in complete, clinical remission before you conceive, and know it is completely possible to have a happy, healthy pregnancy with IBD.

Chronic Illness & Finances: 5 Steps for Improving Your Financial Health

January 20, 2020January 20, 20201 Comment

For most of us, the words “personal finance” feel scary. Scary in the way IBD was right after we were diagnosed. But as we learned more, those butterflies lessened. This is also true for money and personal finance. The feeling that makes us want to turn away because it seems too complicated, too intense, too painful, and too scary go away with a bit of knowledge and a few simple habits.

This is where 27-year-old Annelise Bretthauer, CFP®, of Oregon comes in. Annelise was diagnosed with Crohn’s in March 2017. Just like all of us, she is a lot more than just a patient. Annelise is newly married and she’s a financial planner. Get this—her professional focus is to help families manage chronic disease! How perfect is that. Her goal for you today is to walk away feeling better equipped when it comes to money saving know-how and a bit more empowered. I’ll let her take it away…

The keys to financial stability are a dash of planning, a positive money mindset and a system that helps you stick to positive habits, which allow you to achieve your goals. Creating financial stability is an impactful way to reduce your stress and save energy for other things that fill your healing cup. Let’s jump in!

Step #1: Take a few moments to ask yourself, what are my closely held beliefs about money? Are these beliefs limiting my progress?

A couple examples are: I don’t understand financial things, I am not good with money, money is evil, I am only secure when I have lots of money, money is scary or maybe, I love money, money flows easily to me. There is no right or wrong. What is coming up for you? It doesn’t need to make perfect sense, it’s just to get your mind thinking about how you view money. Share these sentiments in a journal or planner.

Step #2: Write yourself a positive money and health affirmation on a sticky note.

This looks different for everyone. Most of us have negative beliefs about money, but some of us don’t! If that’s the case for you, that’s okay too. Design this affirmation to help you build wealth in a way that inspires you. Put it on your mirror and say it out loud right before you brush your teeth each morning and evening.

A couple examples are: I am worthy of prosperity, I have the power to protect my health while earning plenty of money, each day I become healthier and wealthier.

Step #3: Develop a simple spending plan.

The simplest way to do this is to take out a piece of paper or a note on your phone, write down how much money you take home, subtract how much you want/can save and what’s left can be allocated to your expenses. The key is to set up an automatic transfer to your savings account on the day you get paid, so you don’t have to think about it.

Step #4 (a piggyback on #3): Create a savings account that is just for managing your health and automate your savings to it each month on the day you get paid.

This can be a game changer. When money is already set aside for your health, it helps alleviate the energy and stress that comes with the cost of managing our IBD.

Step #5: Create a habit of Financial Planning Saturday. And a system to help you stick to it!

This is a simple weekly 10-minute check-in with yourself (or your partner) to look at your bank accounts and check your credit card balance. Decide how you will adjust next week if you need to.

Ask yourself, how will I create a system that makes it easy for me to remember to do it? For example, if you always do yoga on Saturday morning, make it a routine to do your planning meeting right after. Or set an alarm on your phone as a reminder.

Bonus Tip: Set yourself 6-month and 12-month health and wealth goals. Write it down in a planner or journal, then take it out each Financial Planning Saturday and check your progress. Give yourself grace and commend yourself for showing up. If you keep showing up, you will meet your goals, even if it takes longer than you’d like.

If you don’t think of yourself as a money person. Let’s change that! All people are money people. Financial planning is not just for those who have already built wealth. It’s for all of us. As chronic disease IBD warriors, you have figured out so much already. Offer yourself permission to feel the fear and do it anyways. Let’s make a plan and step into the driver’s seat of our health and our wealth.

If this post sparked your curiosity, stay tuned for the launch of www.Kauviara.com. Annelise is working on courses (which will be free as a Lights, Camera, Crohn’s reader) and a Financial Guide Planner.

You can follow Annelise here:

Instagram: @annelisebretthauer

Facebook: Annelise Bretthauer

Motherhood and IBD: The parallels and what I’ve learned

January 13, 2020January 13, 2020Leave a comment

Let me tell you how small a bathroom feels when you’re on the toilet, your crawling baby is at your feet going after the garbage can and your toddler is pulling at the toilet paper. This has been the scene of my life, multiple times a day, over the past year. Sophia turns one tomorrow (Jan 14!). I feel like we blinked and her first year passed by. That being said, having a baby and a two-year-old, while being a stay-at-home mom and freelancer, who happens to have Crohn’s disease, has its challenges.

Each day, while often exhausting, has been an incredible blessing. I remember being pregnant and wondering how motherhood in general, along with IBD would be. I remember when Reid was born in 2017 and learning to adjust to parenthood and having a family. I remember being pregnant with Sophia, wondering how I would have any capacity energy-wise to take on being home with two little ones, but I did it. Somehow you find a way to get by, to exist, to adjust to your new normal.

Much like navigating chronic illness, with motherhood, you have moments where you feel you’ve found your groove, and then suddenly something happens to prove otherwise. But, that’s the beauty of it. The hard times are temporary and then the beautiful, fill- your-heart with overwhelming joy and happy tears in your eyes moments happen when you least expect it.

Parenthood isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Some moments really suck. Some moments are incredibly frustrating and overwhelming. Some moments you wonder how you’re going to get through. I think there’s this expectation and this fake persona (thanks to social media) that makes us all think we need to do more, be more, and love every moment of parenting, when we all know that’s not the case. Raising little people isn’t for the faint of the heart, but it’s one of the greatest gifts we can be given.

Through motherhood I’ve learned the importance of health—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Through motherhood I’ve learned how imperative it is to rely on your support system. There’s no sense in trying to do this alone.

Through motherhood I’ve learned to soak everything in, because you blink, and another year or milestone goes by.

Through motherhood I’ve learned the importance of listening to my body, resting when necessary, and saying “no” to plans that don’t fill my cup.

The thing is—when you live with a chronic disease like Crohn’s, you learn all these “lessons” long before you become a parent. But, the actual meaning shifts, when you have more to think about than just yourself.

One year ago, today, I went to bed a mom of one and the very next day I woke up, had a c-section and my heart doubled in size and we became a family of four. The addition of Sophia to our family has been an incredible blessing. I don’t know how I ever lived without her. It’s amazing how families adjust to their new dynamic and change in such beautiful ways as they continue to grow.

Photo credit: Alexandria Mooney Photography

Whether you want to be a mom someday, are currently trying to have a baby, are pregnant, or a mom of one or several kids, let’s all practice a little more grace and less judgement. The only shoes we’ve all walked in are our own. No matter how people choose to present themselves, everyone has bad days, everybody has their own set of struggles and worries, and chances are, we can all relate.

Coming of age with IBD: The 20s and the 30s and how they differ

January 6, 2020January 6, 2020Leave a comment

The new year and new decade have almost everyone reflecting on the last 10 years of their life, looking back at then and now, and anxiously excited to see what the next 10 years will bring. Framing life into decades is interesting, especially when it comes to chronic illness. I wasn’t diagnosed with Crohn’s until age 21, so I can’t speak to what it’s like to live with IBD as a child or a teen. What I can speak to is what it’s like to live with a chronic illness in your 20s and in your 30s and how your lifestyle, your expectations for yourself and for others, shifts as you age.

In my opinion, each decade with IBD presents its own unique set of challenges. Of course, each and everyone of us has a different looking “timeline” as our lives play out, but for the most part, certain aspects of “coming to age” happen at one time or another, depending on what’s important to you. Here’s what my 20s and 30s has looked like:

The 20s:

Said goodbye to being a child and truly became an adult.

Fulfilled education goals, navigated professional life, followed career aspirations.

Dated and found love.

Enjoyed a fun social life with friends.

Moved out at age 22 and lived on my own in Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Illinois.

Adopted my dog, Hamilton.

The 30s:

Got into a groove professionally, felt more confident in my skills and what I’m meant to do.

Moved to Missouri to follow love and got married.

Got pregnant and had two babies.

Fewer social hang outs and more family time.

This may just look like a list, but when you live with IBD these life changing milestones and moments have different meaning and carry different weight. When I was diagnosed at age 21, it was before I landed my first TV job. I had just graduated college and spent years interning for free, worked four nights a week on the college TV station…for free, only to be blindsided with a disease that made me wonder if all my hard work was for nothing. At 21 I wasn’t sure if I would ever find a man willing to stick by my side through the ups and downs of chronic illness or if I was worthy of a long-term relationship. At 21, I moved eight hours away from all friends and family, three months after being diagnosed, while on 22 pills a day, to follow my dream of being a journalist. There was great responsibility in living on my own, taking my medications and being a compliant patient, while the rest of my peers’ greatest worry was what going out shirt they were going to wear to the bar that night.

During my 20s I put more emphasis on what others thought of me and just wanted to fit in. I didn’t want my disease to hold me back in any way.

Now that I’m 36, and can look back on what it was like to live with Crohn’s throughout my 20’s and now well into my 30s, I must say…while life with this disease is never “easy”, it becomes a lot easier to live with as you get older. Here’s why.

I followed my dreams of being a journalist and worked successfully full-time for more than a decade in TV stations and PR agencies, despite my diagnosis.

I found a man who loves me for me and didn’t think twice of being my partner even though I had Crohn’s. I met Bobby one month before turning 30. Dating him, marrying him, and building a family with him has brought a great sense of comfort and stability into my life. When I flare or I’m having a rough day, I rely heavily on him to be my rock and lift my spirits.

Fatigue from motherhood when you have a chronic illness can be mind-numbing and debilitating, but seeing your body create a life and then bring a baby into this world makes you feel a renewed sense of love for a body that you’ve been at odds with for years. IBD and motherhood has it’s worries and challenges, but at the end of the day, your children will be the greatest light in your life, and the most magical motivators of strength. There’s almost too much going on to worry about your own well-being, which is both a blessing and a curse!

Gone are the days of going out at 11 pm, now I rarely go out and when I do, I’m usually home before 10. There’s no pressure to stay out until bar close or take a shot. My friends are all grown women, many of them are moms, our priorities have shifted. Adult conversation over brunch or a glass of wine and some sushi or tapas is refreshing and rejuvenating. I openly communicate about my disease when asked and don’t shy away from the conversation like I once did.

If you’re reading this and you’re newly diagnosed, a teenager, a 20-something, trust me when I say that balancing life—all your obligations, your network of support, your job and what you’re meant to do with your life will find it’s way. Don’t beat yourself up by creating a timeline or a vision board that sets you up for failure. Don’t try and keep up with the Jones’. Don’t compare where you are in life to your peers. Because there is no comparison. When you have IBD you are being unfair to yourself if you try and be just like everyone else, because you’re not. And that’s ok. Use your experience as a patient to give you patience within yourself. Everyone faces struggles, everyone faces setbacks, but someday I promise you’ll look back and those very same struggles will be the reason you are strong, focused, driven, empathetic, and living the life you were meant to live.

Thrive with IBD: My latest podcast interview

December 30, 20191 Comment

Her name is Natalie. She was diagnosed with IBD at age 21. She has a blog. It may sound like I’m talking about myself, but I’m talking about a friend I’ve connected with online! Natalie Kelley (@plentyandwellwithnat) and I started following one another on Instagram several months back and came to realize how similar our patient journeys have been. She has ulcerative colitis and I have Crohn’s. She is 24 and I’m 36. But, our lookout on life and our interest in bringing comfort and serving as a positive voice for the community is the same.

Being diagnosed at age 21 is a difficult time in life. You’re at a crossroads from being a kid to a young adult. You’re navigating the next chapter of life and looking to start your career. We relate on how IBD stopped us both in our tracks in that pivotal moment and how far we’ve both come since.

Natalie launched her podcast, Thrive with IBD, in 2017. Her hope is to end the stigma around chronic illness and show that you’re never alone in your struggles or experiences. As a wellness blogger and a holistic health coach, Natalie works tirelessly to educate others about navigating life, love, and everything in between, while living with IBD. Today (December 30^th) you can check out her latest episode. She interviewed yours truly. When she asked me to be on her show, I was so honored, as I’ve admired her work from afar for a while.

We talked about what dating, marriage and being a mom is like with IBD. I am the first IBD mom she had on the show! Interestingly, Natalie’s mom was diagnosed with Crohn’s at age 16. So not only does she have her own personal patient experience, but she’s been a part of a family unit who’s dealt with the ups and downs her whole life. It was emotional for me as an IBD mom, to hear firsthand from a 20-something about what it was like to not only grow up with a mom who has Crohn’s, but later be diagnosed with IBD herself.

Click here to check out the episode.

With nearly 40,000 Instagram followers, Natalie has quite the following. What always amazes me is how present and genuine she is. She responds to comments both publicly and privately, her content is well thought out and impactful.

“Each day I get to wake up and get to use my story to help other women with IBD. I get to connect with chronic illness warriors around the world. I get to use the pain and grief I’ve endured to help heal others’ pain and grief, even if just a little bit.”

If you’re looking to follow someone who is sure to lift your spirits and make you feel empowered, she’s your girl. When I chatted with her on the phone, I told her how much I look up to her for her advocacy work, despite being 12 years older!

As we gear up for 2020, the start of a new decade, and a new year, it’s our hope that you focus on self-love and embrace who you are, despite your IBD. As Natalie says, “There are ebbs and flows in this journey of mine and I’ve learned to take them as they come. I’ve learned to soak up every second of the good moments and give myself grace during the hard ones. I’ve learned to stand up for myself, be my biggest advocate and put myself first.”

Natalie and I both say that if we were given the option to get rid of our IBD diagnosis that we wouldn’t. We both feel we were put on this path for a reason and that our diseases have shaped us into who we are today. I hope that if you’re reading this, and you’re newly diagnosed, knowing that brings you comfort and peace of mind. IBD is not your identity, it’s a part of you, but it’s not all of you. Natalie and I can assure you of that.

Why Crohn’s is the gift that keeps on giving

December 23, 2019December 23, 2019Leave a comment

When you think about your IBD, chances are many thoughts race through your mind. This holiday season, I started thinking about how Crohn’s is the immaterial gift that keeps on giving. I know, it sounds crazy. But hear me out.

The unpredictability and uncertainty of IBD has forced me to live in the moment and stop worrying about tomorrow and the future.

The pain, setbacks, and flare ups have provided me with perspective and empathy for others that’s only possible when you live with chronic illness.

The fatigue reminds me of the importance of slowing down, not pushing myself too hard, and practicing self-care.

The ups and downs and in between have given me an innate truth serum about other people’s intentions and character and allowed me to know who I can truly count on.

The side effects of steroids and the scars left behind from my bowel resection and c-sections have humbled me.

The dark moments that tried to break me have instead showed me that God truly does give his toughest lessons to his greatest teachers.

The hatred I felt for my body through the years (especially my abdomen) disappeared the moment I became pregnant and watched my body transform to bring two healthy babies into this world.

The hospitalizations that have tried to break me have forced me to bounce back and be stronger physically and mentally than I was before.

The initial years of isolation when I kept my patient journey under wraps led me to go out on a limb, share my story, and feel the support both near and far from a community that’s like family.

It’s taken me nearly 15 years to think this way about my disease, about my reality. I’m not trying to sugar coat or diminish the seriousness of IBD, but instead share my mindset and how I choose to take on Crohn’s disease. Yes, some days are terrible. Yes, there have been times when everything felt heavy and bleak. Yes, there are still times I feel sorry for myself. But those days are far outnumbered by the joy-filled, happy days I choose to focus on.

My hope for you this holiday season is that you’re able to pause and embrace the hand of cards you’ve been dealt and think about all you’re capable of, all you’ve accomplished, and all that lies ahead. Give yourself credit for all you do today and tomorrow, all you’ve endured in the past, and all you’ll overcome in the future.

Diet and Nutrition: The role they play in IBD

December 16, 2019December 16, 20191 Comment

Nutrition and IBD. Just saying those two words together makes me feel like I’m running through a rabbit hole, unsure where to turn….and I’ve lived with Crohn’s disease for more than 14 years. Everywhere you look, you see people claiming to “heal their gut” through diet alone, while sharing diet hacks that “cure” IBD, when in fact there is no cure.

Unfortunately, my first experience with a dietitian, days after my diagnosis, was not a positive one. She came into my hospital room and was very doomsday and black and white about what my future held. The conversation led me to believe I would never eat raw fruit or veggies, salads were out, and fried foods were always a no-no. I was told I could have white bread, white pasta, cooked veggies, and plain chicken from that day forward. Hearing this made grappling with the diagnosis much more difficult.

My experience is hopefully not a typical one for those in the IBD community. Dietitians can be and are key players in our overall care teams. They help guide our nutrition and lead us on a path to better health. Chances are if you or someone you love has IBD you’ve come across the laundry list of IBD-friendly diets (SCD, anti-inflammatory, paleo, etc.). If you’ve found a diet that works for you, that’s great—but it can be extremely dangerous and damaging to use your own personal experience to sway others, especially if you preach to go off all medication and focus on diet alone.

Just as IBD manifests uniquely in every person, trigger foods vary, too. This week—I interview Therezia AlChoufete, a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN) who specializes in Gastrointestinal Diseases, to set the record straight about this area of disease management. Therezia completed her Bachelor of Science in Neuroscience and her Master of Science in Nutrition and Dietetics from the University of Pittsburgh.

NH: What role does diet/nutrition play in treating IBD?

TA: “A huge role – symptom management is very helpful to improve quality of life for patients with IBD, and many patients have difficulty understanding what they should or should not eat. A Registered Dietitian Nutritionist can help to identify trigger foods and other factors that may be affecting digestion & GI symptoms, nutrition for ostomy management, modifications to diet before and after surgery, recipe modifications to improve GI tolerance, and much more depending on each patient’s medical history.”

NH: When you’re given a patient with IBD, what type of information do you share in those appointments?

TA: “I see my patients in an outpatient setting – this allows me to review the patient’s goals, assess their nutrition status, and determine an individualized plan with every patient. Information can vary depending on each patient’s unique history, goals, and food tolerance.”

NH: Each person’s body responds differently to specific foods, everyone has different triggers, how do you create a plan that is tailored to everyone, rather than saying “all people with IBD need to stay away from XX”?

TA: “There is definitely no one-diet-fits-all approach for IBD. I typically review the patient’s food history, their unique food tolerances, and provide a plan according to each person’s goals and disease status. I try my best to avoid food restriction and liberalize the diet as tolerated by each patient.”

NH: What are the most common questions and concerns you hear from patients?

TA: “A very common question is what food/supplements can I eat to fix my symptoms – unfortunately, there is not a simple answer. But this leaves us some room to discuss food triggers in more detail and review ways to achieve a well-balanced diet.”

NH: Why is working with a nutritionist so critical for those with IBD?

TA: “Registered Dietitian Nutritionists are food and nutrition experts. We use science-based evidence to provide recommendations that are specific to each person’s medical history. This may include review of micronutrient deficiencies, hydration status, fluid build-up (sometimes following use of steroids), medication side effects, risks of malnutrition (which can occur in all body sizes), supplement questions, and so much more. An RDN can provide individualized medical nutrition therapy to minimize GI symptoms and optimize gut health in conjunction with medical plans provided by gastroenterologists.”

NH: What type of difference do you hope to make in a person’s patient journey?

TA: “My hope is to help patients liberalize their diet and improve their quality of life. It is very important to me to help patients realize that they have a team of professionals that can help them manage their IBD. I enjoy working with a team of clinicians to target medical, behavioral, and nutritional health concerns to optimize care for each individual.”

NH: What advice do you have for patients who are in the middle of a flare up?

TA: “Communication with your Gastroenterologist is very important if you feel like you are having flare-like symptoms in order to receive proper treatment. Sometimes, foods that are typically tolerated during times of remission are not tolerated during a flare, and an RDN can help you determine a softer diet that is easier to digest based on your individual needs.”

NH: The term “healing the gut with food” is commonly heard within the IBD community. What’s your belief on that vs. using diet as a combination therapy with medication?

TA: “Unfortunately, diet cannot cure IBD. It can improve some symptoms, but it is so important to work with your doctor to receive proper medical treatment for the disease, follow up with a dietitian to optimize your diet, and address any behavioral health management with your therapist or psychiatrist.”

Connect with Therezia here:

Twitter: @AppetiteOfMind

Instagram: @appetite_of_mind

Additional Resources:

Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation: https://www.crohnscolitisfoundation.org/diet-and-nutrition

International Foundation for Gastrointestinal Disorders: https://www.iffgd.org/other-disorders/inflammatory-bowel-disease.html

United Ostomy Associations of America: https://www.iffgd.org/other-disorders/inflammatory-bowel-disease.html

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