This week I was feeding my 9-month-old a smoothie in his highchair before I had to run to grab my older two from preschool. I realized it was an injection day, so I figured I would do my shot while the baby was in the highchair to get it out of the way. It seemed like no big deal in the moment. But as I sat there and saw the baby food next to my Humira on the kitchen table I started thinking about how life as an IBD mom may feel normal to us, but what we do each day goes above and beyond.
Then my mind started wondering. I thought about how I had taken my oldest to his outdoor fieldtrip last week and refrained from having my morning coffee or eating breakfast so I could curb my Crohn’s from causing me problems. I thought about how my 3-year-old is so intuitive if she thinks I’m in pain, she grabs my belly and pretends to put the pain into her belly, telling me “I love you mama, take a breath.”
Take a breath. Boy oh boy do mothers in general need to stop and take that advice or what? Motherhood whether you have IBD or not is the most beautiful, exhausting, and rewarding challenge. No matter what season you are in it comes with triumphs and challenges it comes with happy tears and sad ones, too. It’s a constant game of trying to manage your emotions and tap into your patience, or whatever is left of it each day. We come to forget that we are also growing up in many ways, just as our kids do.
Motherhood and IBD is a balance of wanting to be all the things but knowing that at any given moment your body can throw your life and plans upside down. There are unspoken limitations.
It’s silently worrying and praying what will happen to your family if you go down and end up in the hospital.
It’s trying to stand tall when all you may want to do is rest on the couch.
It’s seeing your children thrive and feeling so much pride you constantly feel like you can cry tears of joy at any moment.
It’s getting scared when your little one randomly says their tummy hurts.
It’s knowing that your disease robbed you of a great deal—physically, mentally, emotionally, but it didn’t rob you of the greatest gift of all, being a mom.
It’s recognizing all that is still possible, even with this grueling disease.
It’s showing up each day, not only for yourself but for your family.
It’s taking the pain and feel-good days and focusing on one moment in time that feels slow but is going by in a flash.
Take a breath. You deserve it. We weren’t meant to mother alone. Lean on your village. Voice your struggles. Cry if you want to cry. But also, don’t put yourself to unattainable expectations. You have a chronic illness and you’re a mom. Don’t push yourself to the brink. Some days will be adventure-filled, others will be spent on the couch—and that’s OK. Your children are learning from you and gaining innate intuition, and that’s a gift. They’re witnessing that health is not something to be taken for granted. They’re watching you even when you think they are not. What may feel mundane to you, is not. As an IBD mom you are juggling countless extra balls in the air that healthy mothers don’t have to think about. Give yourself credit where credit is due and take a breath.
As she fears for her life each day and every night in her homeland of Ukraine, ElenaSotskova thinks back to when her body started going to war against ulcerative colitis. She was 21 years old. Now, as a 47-year-old IBD mom, she shares firsthand experience of what it’s like to live in absolute chaos and devastation while trying to manage a chronic illness like IBD. Every morning Elena and her family wake up at 6 a.m. to the sound of explosions and gunfire. Oftentimes the internet and electricity go in and out, with repair workers constantly having to restore power.
Before we get into the utter heartbreak and unthinkable sadness, here’s some background. This isn’t the first time Elena has had to run from her home to try and reach safety. Shortly after her ulcerative colitis diagnosis, she fled with her 3-month-old daughter to Kyiv from Crimea, to avoid an abusive husband. At the time, she had the equivalent of 25 U.S. dollars in her pocket. Prior to becoming a mom, Elena worked for one of the largest banks in Ukraine, so she was confident she’d be able to land back on her feet in no time and support herself and her daughter. The stress of the divorce and being forced to start anew exacerbated her IBD.
“My condition was worsened by constant diarrhea, bleeding, low hemoglobin, and as a result, constant fatigue. I tried not to pay attention to it as I needed to work and make money for myself and the baby. My ulcerative colitis limited what I could do and where I could go. I used to be unable to go for walks unless I know where the restrooms were. I always had spare clothes with me and wet wipes, in case I did not make it in time.”
Since then, Elena has managed her ulcerative colitis with Mesalamine, in large doses (6-8 grams per day).
“In Ukraine at that time there was no biological therapy, and even clinical studies of such therapy did not take place. All that was available to patients were hormones and mesalamine. In addition, in Ukraine there is no compulsory insurance medicine (until now), there are no state programs for the treatment of patients with ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease, so I and other patients must buy drugs with our own money. And they are, as you know, not cheap. Compared to the level of income in Ukraine, it is expensive.”
How love found its way
Elena says she was working to buy her medicine. It felt like a vicious, never-ending cycle. But Elena’s luck in the love department took an amazing turn.
“I was lucky, I met a wonderful man, named Leonid who has a son. Leonid later became my second husband. I immediately told him about my illness. He accepted me, my IBD, and my child. He wouldn’t turn away from me or be ashamed when I had an accident at an event or in a public place. He helped me and supported me. And as a result, I stopped being nervous about my ulcerative colitis. I stopped worrying, and after I became calmer, the disease slowly began to subside.”
Leonid also started to take care of all the costs associated with her IBD treatments. Elena credits him for reviving her medically and emotionally, allowing her to reach remission after chasing after it for years. She was able to travel comfortably away from home and see the world through a different lens.
Prior to the war with Russia, Elena had big plans for herself. She aspired to begin her MBA and travel to English-speaking countries.
When the explosions hit
“All plans collapsed at 4 a.m. on February 24, 2022. We woke up to the explosions, saw the message “The Russians are bombing Kyiv, the war has begun.” That was more than a month ago, but it seems like we’ve been living in this nightmare for ages.”
Elena’s daughter, Alina, had recently arrived in Poland to study, but she happened to be home in Ukraine with family when the war started. Prior to this happening her travel plans were to fly back on February 27th. Of course, that all changed.
“She was supposed to fly back to Warsaw on Sunday, but war broke out on Thursday. Immediately, air traffic over Ukraine stopped. And hell began. Kyiv was bombed from the very beginning, we sat in the bathroom during the air raid, went down to the basement or went to the shelter. We did not turn on the lights in the apartment and taped the windows with duct tape so that they would not be knocked out by the explosions. We walked the dog for 5-10 minutes, near the house, so that if the shelling started, we could quickly hide. We live in Kyiv on the 7th floor, and most of all I was afraid that a bomb would hit our house, and we would either be overwhelmed or burned in a fire.”
Elena says for days on end she sat with her husband and daughter in their apartment. Alina would constantly cry. They learned that evacuation trains were leaving Kyiv for western Ukraine. At this point, they decided to send Alina back to Poland.
Nights spent at the railway station
“The most terrible were the three days that Alina and I spent in the basement of the railway station in Kyiv. There is a curfew, you cannot go outside in the evening, in addition, it was dangerous to go outside, because they are constantly shelling. My daughter and I got to the train station and decided to wait here until she could take the train to safety. My husband and son stayed home with the dog.”
The trains to leave Ukraine were like something out of a horror movie. Instead of a train car fitting the usual four people, they were packed with 20-plus people. People were ready to stand for an entire day just to leave Kyiv.
“Alina could not get on the train that was going to Warsaw, and we stayed overnight at the station. At night, the air alarm did not cease, explosions were heard, we went to the shelter (basement) of the station, which for three days turned into a home for us. We tried to sleep on the floor, it was warm, but the main thing was that it was safe. Finally, on the second day, we managed to put Alina on the train to Lviv. She left, and I was standing on the platform crying and praying that the train on the way would not be shelled, and my daughter would reach Lviv intact.”
Elena had to stay alone at the train station for an additional night because of the curfew in Kyiv. She was afraid her IBD would start acting up from the overwhelming stress and worry and terrified she was going to be killed.
“My gut understood me, it “behaved quietly”, and did not give me cause for concern. During the 21 years of illness, I learned to negotiate with him. On the fourth day, when the curfew was lifted, I was finally able to return home, wash myself and clean myself up. And my daughter had already reached Poland and was safe. We thought that somehow, we could adapt to this situation. We had food, water, gas, electricity, and Internet. We thought that we could somehow live in Kyiv. But this turned out to be unrealistic, as soon as dusk came, the city was pierced by an air alarm, it turned on several times during the night.”
Deciding to leave Kyiv
Bombing began each morning between 3 and 4. Elena and her family stayed in their clothes and didn’t sleep. She would take her dog and lock herself in the bathroom while her husband and son were standing in the hallway where there were no windows.
“Then a cruise missile hit a television tower, close to our house. It was afternoon, her son had just gone out to the store for bread, and there was an explosion, a crash, a fire. People who were nearby were killed. My husband said that we needed to leave Kyiv, it was extremely dangerous.”
So that’s what they did. They left for Elena’s mother-in-law’s house who lives in a village outside of Kyiv. There are no military or infrastructure facilities there, so they are hopeful it will not be bombed. As you are reading this, Elena is still there.
“In the village it is calmer, the battles are 30-40 kilometers (20-30 miles) away, we constantly hear artillery shots, gunfire, explosions, and flying missiles. But there is no air raid alarm, which was so exhausting in Kyiv. It’s still impossible to sleep normally. We are afraid that we will be occupied, and we are not where there are active battles.”
Running out of IBD medicine
But, Elena now faces another major issue. She will run out of her IBD medication this week and there is no way to buy it or receive it. Since the war started, she’s heard from countless other patients in the same bind. Doctors have fled, there’s no place to safely receive treatment, and for those who are now refugees or without jobs, they struggle to afford their medications. Elena knew she had to do something.
“I began to write to the European Crohn’s and Colitis Association, manufacturers of drugs, everyone who I could, to find out how to help our patients. Poland and Estonia immediately responded. They understand if Ukraine does not resist, the war will go on, to Poland, and the Baltic countries may also suffer. Now we are in constant contact with our European colleagues and are waiting for humanitarian assistance from them. Packages from Greece are supposed to arrive any day now.”
While Elena’s ulcerative colitis is under control now, she’s been forced to reduce her daily medication dose by half to try and keep medication in her body for as long as she can. She’s starting to feel that reminiscent pain we all know too well when our intestines are making themselves known. The pain, bloating, and diarrhea have been more consistent for her, but she doesn’t feel she’s flaring yet.
“I’m very scared that if I go into a flare, there will be no one and no place to treat me. I am afraid that this war will drag on for a long time, and then it is impossible to predict the condition of either mine or our other Ukrainian patients.”
Her friend was able to find her mesalamine in Kyiv. She bought the medication, but it’s been a week now and the package has not arrived to Elena’s new address. Tomorrow (March 31), Elena’s husband will venture back to Kyiv to try and get Elena the medicine she relies on.
She tells me she no longer cries or has emotions and that every day feels like déjà vu. Sometimes she feels like a robot in an out of body experience. Elena says the Ukrainian people are steadfast, strong, and remain hopeful they will be victorious in the end.
Tomorrow on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s you’ll learn about Elena’s inspiring patient advocacy prior to the Russian invasion, how she co-founded an IBD organization to support the patient community, and how she’s working day and night right now to help the approximate 11,000 Ukrainians who live with IBD and are struggling to manage a disease while living through a war.
The week before my oldest son, Reid, was born I penned him a letter entitled, “A letter to my unborn son, from your mom with Crohn’s disease.” When I wrote that article, I was 38 weeks pregnant. As a first-time mom, living with Crohn’s disease, I had a mix of excitement, anxiety, and fear about taking the plunge into parenting. Tomorrow (March 29th) Reid turns five. Now as I reflect on my experience of living as an IBD mom for half a decade, I want to share what I’ve learned along the way with you and write him another letter to mark this milestone.
Where do I begin? Five years ago, you changed my life in the most beautiful, exciting, challenging, and everchanging way possible. You made me a mom. After more than 11 years of fighting Crohn’s disease and constantly feeling at war with my body, I was able to nurture you, help you grow full-term with a flawless pregnancy, and bring you safely into this world. I feel like I blinked, but I also feel like I’ve known you my whole life.
We’ve been through a lot together, little buddy. As a stay-at-home mom I’ve been by your side through everything. I’ve witnessed every moment of you growing up and I feel eternally grateful for that opportunity. Before you were born, I used to pray that I wouldn’t be hospitalized with a flare up until you could walk. I imagined you as a toddler walking into my hospital room. I feared what it would be like to spend countless days away from you, Facetiming with a smile through the tears or trying to recover from surgery with a little one depending on me at home.
But those fears never became realized. We’ve made it five years, flare up free, baby boy. That’s not to say I haven’t had painful days, procedures, and worries along the way. But you’ve been my greatest motivation since you came into this world. You’ve patiently sat day after day on the bathroom floor when mommy’s tummy wasn’t feeling well. You’ve comforted me on the couch when I don’t have the energy to go outside. You’ve cheered me on as I drank colonoscopy prep each year. You’ve handed me candy and told me it was medicine to make me feel better. You’ve attended countless doctor appointments and lab draws. You’ve snuggled me when you know I’m unwell. You’ve sat next to me with a toy pretending to do an injection alongside me on Monday nights, staring at my face to see if I was hurting. You’ve taken your own shots at the pediatrician like a champ because you’re so desensitized.
You constantly see me through a lens I’ve never been seen through before. I catch you watching my facial expressions. I know when you’re worried about me. I melt when you randomly ask me how my tummy is feeling and if I’m feeling happy, but also feel a sense of sadness that you even need to have that thought cross your mind. You are an empath with a heart of gold. While I wish you didn’t need to witness and experience these difficult moments and I try my best to shield you from my struggles, I know in my heart, and I’ve witnessed firsthand how my disease has shaped and continues to shape our family in positive ways.
As you gear up for kindergarten this fall, I will miss our days…even the long ones! You’ve been a constant in my life since the moment I held you for the first time. Your personality as a baby seemed quiet and shy, boy did you have me and everyone else fooled! You’re so silly, so smart, so thoughtful, so outgoing. You’ve given me a run for my money more times than I can count, but I love that you are so steadfast in knowing what you want and sharing that openly with me.
As an IBD mom I find myself looking at you, and at your sister and brother, on the daily wondering and worrying deep down if one day you’ll get my disease. Every night we say our same prayer, the same prayer I’ve said to you all your life, hugging and rocking back and forth.
“Dear God, keep my baby healthy, safe, and strong. Guide him and protect him. Let him continue to be a light for everyone he meets. I love you forever and ever and ever, I love you forever and ever. I love you forever and ever and ever, I love you forever and ever.”
When I pray for *healthy*, I mean no IBD…but you don’t know that yet. You are a picture of health in every sense of the word. Someday when you’re older you’ll know what I’ve been up against my entire adult life, but my hope is that it will inspire and empower you to be strong through the unpredictable peaks and valleys life will throw your way.
I still haven’t explained fully to you that I have Crohn’s disease. I’m not sure it’s necessary to even say “disease” to you. As you grow up, I’ll tell you more. But for now, I don’t want you to worry or wonder. I hope we get another five years hospital visit-free.
Thank you for showing me all that’s possible and for making me a mom. Five years of loving you, guiding you, and watching you thrive has been magical. When I was pregnant with you there was a Florida Georgia Line song called “H.O.L.Y.” that always made me cry thinking of you—because of the line, “you’re the healing hands where it used to hurt.” The other day I was driving home from the grocery store and that song came on the radio. I hadn’t heard it in years. Instant tears. Instant gratitude.
I love you, Reid Robert. I wish I could bottle up your laughter and littleness. I find myself really staring at you lately in awe that we’re at this point already. You are everything I ever dreamed of and more than I ever hoped for. Thank you for being the sweetest motivation and distraction and for being wise beyond your years. I am so so proud of you. I appreciate you reminding me without knowing it that I am so much more than my disease.
When you think about IBD and motherhood, you may instantly imagine a woman who has dealt with her disease for years before getting pregnant. But that’s not always the case. This week on Light’s, Camera, Crohn’s we hear from IBD mom, Angela Knott. She was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis when she was 17 weeks pregnant with her second child in December 2020. While a circumstance like this is rare, it is possible and complicated.
Between navigating the pandemic and a chronic illness, this diagnosis rocked her world. Angela was living in Australia (away from all family and friends) because her husband is a U.S. Navy pilot. They were on orders for a pilot exchange program in Adelaide, South Australia. Angela and her family now live in Texas.
She reflects on her journey as a woman and mother with ulcerative colitis and how it felt to receive a chronic illness diagnosis while trying to bring a baby safely into this world. Prior to being diagnosed with IBD, Angela was in perfect health. She never had a cavity or even broke a bone. She grew up being extremely active and is in excellent shape. Her first pregnancy in 2018 was flawless and uneventful. She carried her daughter to term and had no issues. But everything started to change when she was 15 weeks pregnant with her son.
“During this time, I experienced severe fatigue, anemia, stomach pain, stomach cramps, and weight loss (I lost 15 pounds over two weeks). After a few days of symptoms, I went to my doctor, and I told him all about my symptoms and how I was concerned something might be off with my pregnancy. He told me I was lactose intolerant and that I needed to limit my dairy intake. I did this for three days and then I went back to the doctor because my symptoms were getting worse.”
Angela was then tested for salmonella poisoning and two days later, the test result was negative. By this time, she had already lost 10 pounds and she was becoming scared that something was wrong with her baby. She got a second opinion and was told she likely had irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). That doctor wrote a referral for a gastroenterologist.
“That same evening, I ended up in the hospital due to my symptoms worsening and I was scared my baby’s health was declining since I was so ill. I was told to immediately go to the Women and Children’s Hospital to have the baby monitored (in Australia, this is a hospital for pregnant women, children, teens, and babies). I was more concerned about my baby’s health rather than my own which, is why I went to a hospital that assisted pregnant women.”
While at the hospital, Angela’s baby was monitored and doing well. She was given IV fluids to help with dehydration and she started to feel better. She went home and rested, again being told she likely had IBS.
“Shortly after getting home, I started vomiting and this continued for the next two hours. After speaking with my husband, we decided I needed to go to the ER because something was seriously wrong, and I needed treatment.”
Seeking emergency care during Covid
Due to Covid restrictions in December 2020, Angela’s husband had to drop her off at the emergency room and could not go in, only adding to an already stressful and worrisome situation.
“After reviewing my blood work and hearing about my symptoms, a gastroenterologist at the hospital stated I may have colon cancer, ulcerative colitis, or Crohn’s disease. I knew what IBS was, but I had never heard of UC or Crohn’s before. On top of being told I may have an autoimmune disease or cancer, he told me I needed to have an endoscopy to check for potential inflammation in my colon and that this procedure could result in me miscarrying since I was going to be put under. I had never been so scared in my life.”
Angela underwent the endoscopy in the morning and sure enough, she was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. She was close to having a toxic mega colon.
“It was a blessing that I went to the ER when I did because if I had waited a day longer, my colon would have become toxic, and my organs would have potentially shut down thus impacting my baby’s life. Later that afternoon, I met with another gastroenterologist, and he gave a thorough explanation of UC and my treatment options. He explained to me I would need Remicade infusions every 6 weeks throughout my pregnancy until I was 36 weeks pregnant. Within the next hour, I received the Remicade infusion.”
She stayed in the hospital for one week and was released on December 23, 2020. Angela received another infusion on Christmas Eve and stayed on a special diet for the next week. Within two weeks, her symptoms had drastically decreased, and miraculously remission seemed to be on the horizon.
“When I started the biologic, I was extremely nervous about how it would affect my baby’s health as well as mine. I was told it was safe for pregnancy, but it was scary knowing that my baby would be exposed to an immunosuppressant drug. I was very cautious during my first pregnancy as well as the first few months of Henry’s pregnancy, so it went against everything I had prepared for and wanted. On the flip side, I also was concerned about how malnourished I was from being so sick. I didn’t want to cause any more issues to my body or cause something to go wrong with my pregnancy.”
Initiating Remicade while pregnant
When Angela was 28 weeks pregnant remission became a distant thought, as her body was rejecting the infusion and she started flaring, again. She had a flexible sigmoidoscopy which showed she had severe amounts of inflammation in my colon.
“At 30 weeks pregnant, my bloodwork showed that my colon was nearing toxic levels and that I needed to have my baby early to ensure my organs didn’t shut down. A few days later, I was admitted to the hospital and my baby, and I were monitored for a week. I was given fluids and steroids to assist with the inflammation (a steroid shot was also given to me for my baby’s lungs). At this point, I had to switch OBs and delivery hospitals since I was admitted to a hospital that dealt with high-risk patients. This was the best decision possible since I was given an amazing team of doctors and specialists.”
Angela and her son were monitored closely. Four medical teams were on board to do all they could to ensure a healthy delivery—NICU, colorectal team, OB, and gastroenterology.
Her miracle baby, Henry, arrived 8 weeks early via an elective c-section April 1, 2021. Angela had a classical c-section (vertical incision on her abdomen) because after she delivered the colorectal team had to check her colon for inflammation.
Luckily, the inflammation was “only” considered mild to moderate. Angela’s bloodwork the day before had showed her colon was near toxic levels. She had been prepped for a possible ostomy. Fortunately, she still has her colon.
How Henry was after birth
Angela’s son was born extremely healthy and came out breathing on his own. He spent the first six weeks in the NICU to assist with growing and feeding and remained in the hospital for an additional week.
“I received another Remicade infusion a few hours after delivering as well as an additional infusion a few days later. Within 24 hours of delivering Henry, I felt like my old self again (pre-UC diagnosis) and I was almost immediately in remission. It was determined my UC was most likely dormant for years and my pregnancy triggered it. Additionally, my initial pregnancy flare started shortly after my second trimester and the Remicade failed when I started my third trimester. My medical team thinks my pregnancy hormones caused a lot of my issues.”
Postpartum as a newly diagnosed IBD mom
In the months following Henry’s birth, Angela was relieved to be feeling more like herself. The fear of a looming flare worried her as a stay-at-home mom. She ended up losing 30 pounds during her pregnancy and was recovering from a very painful c-section.
“Fortunately, I did receive counselling services throughout my pregnancy (after I was diagnosed) and postpartum which helped.”
Due to being on so many different medications and having a stressful birth, Angela had a low milk supply and therefore breastfed, pumped, and supplemented with formula the first few months.”
“I was grateful my baby and I are alive; every day I rejoice thinking of how far we have come, and I am extremely grateful he is healthy and happy. I now have a deep understanding of how short life is and I no longer stress about life’s minor hiccups. I constantly count my blessings and greatly appreciate my health which I took advantage of before my chronic condition. I am a mentally strong person now and I have amazing coping skills because of my diagnosis.”
Angela still receives Remicade infusions every 6 weeks and is extra mindful of her health. She works out a few times a week, eats healthy, watches her stress levels, and makes sleep and rest a priority.
“I am doing everything I can to stay in remission and have been flare-free for almost a year. Every three months, I see my gastroenterologist and have bloodwork taken to ensure my health is on track. Prior to staying home with my kids, I was a teacher and I plan to return to the classroom soon. I am blessed to know I have biologic options to help me stay in remission so I can be successful in the classroom.”
Despite only being diagnosed with ulcerative for 15 months, some days Angela feels like it has been years.
Here’s Angela’s advice for other women dealing with an IBD diagnosis prior to getting pregnant, while pregnant, or after delivering:
Seek out mental health assistance during challenging times and find a support group either locally or through social media to connect with others who live with IBD and understand your reality. Angela’s favorite Facebook group is: Ulcerative Colitis Support Group, which has 36,000 members.
Ask all the questions. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your care team whenever you’re unsure about something or want clarity. Do all you can do educate yourself on your condition.
Get a second opinion. Don’t feel bad about seeking care from multiple specialists to ensure you are making the best decisions for yourself.
If you’re a faithful person, lean heavily on prayer and trust that God will watch over you through the highs and the lows of your illness.
Communicate as best you can with family and friends. Angela is grateful for the love and support of her husband.
Pregnancy and motherhood look differently for women who have an ostomy. And not just physically. But also, emotionally, and mentally. The path to motherhood is unique for those of us in the IBD community and we’re living at a time when more research about pregnancy and breastfeeding is right at our fingertips, all of which sets IBD moms and moms-to-be up for success.
Whether you’re on the brink of needing an ostomy and fearful of what this means for your future. Whether you’re a mom of a young girl and worry about whether your daughter will ever be able to be a mom. Whether you’re newly diagnosed and can’t imagine your damaged body bringing a life into this world. Whether you just took a pregnancy test after a bag change and can’t believe it’s positive and don’t know what to do next. These transparent and real-life patient stories will bring you hope and help empower you in coping, preparing yourself, and working with your care team, if carrying a baby is something you hope to do one day.
This week we hear from several ostomates—some who are moms, others who are pregnant right now, and two women who got pregnant after having a proctocolectomy (removal of rectum and colon).
Krista Deveau was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis as a child. After having two bowel resection surgeries and her ostomy surgery over the course of 10 years, she was worried about whether being a mom would ever be an option.
“The reason for getting a temporary ileostomy and avoiding even more scar tissue, was because of I wanted to start a family with my husband in the years to come. To my surprise and my GI’s surprise, we got pregnant much easier than expected, truly a blessing because this isn’t always the outcome for everyone.”
She’s now 24 weeks pregnant and expecting her first baby in June! Krista says this is the best she’s ever felt. Her symptoms have been silent aside from having phantom rectum/poop and passing mucus more frequently lately.
Krista is on a dual biologic treatment plan (Stelara and Entyvio) every 4 weeks. She plans to stop her Entyvio treatment at 32 weeks and resume her infusion in the hospital after she delivers. She’s still in the process for determining her game plan with Stelara. She also takes prenatal vitamins, vitamin D, and b12 shots. She expects she’ll need iron infusions before baby arrives.
As of now, she plans to do a vaginal birth. Due to not having perianal disease and already having significant scar tissue and adhesions from previous surgeries, her care team determined this plan with her. Like any IBD mom-to-be, she worries about the ever-present threat of a postpartum flare, having to be hospitalized and be away from her baby, and possibly passing her disease onto offspring.
Katie Cuozzo was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when she was 5 years old. She’s had concerns about not being able to get pregnant for as long as she can remember. Now, she’s 34-years-old and a mom of three girls. Her oldest daughter was 18 months old when she received her ostomy, so she’s been pregnant with and without a bag.
“The only difference that I noticed between pregnancy with an ostomy versus without was how to dress. As my stomach was getting bigger, it was a little harder to disguise my bag. I would mostly wear baggy clothing. With my first pregnancy, I was able to deliver vaginally, I had c-sections with my younger two.”
Katie’s perianal disease got significantly worse after delivering her firstborn. Originally, she was planning to have a temporary colostomy, but her symptoms didn’t improve so she decided to get a total colectomy. Despite her IBD causing her so many issues, Katie was able to conceive on her own without any problems.
She remained on her medications during all three pregnancies. She took Cimzia during her first pregnancy and Stelara during her other two pregnancies. Katie also continued to take her prenatal vitamin, vitamin D, vitamin b12, and calcium supplements. She also breastfed all her children.
“As I was planning for ostomy surgery, my surgeon told me that if he did a total proctectomy- removal of my rectum, my chance of fertility would decrease significantly. I made the choice to keep my rectum in place until I was done trying for more kids. I am now at a place in my life where I am beyond blessed with my three daughters and am ready to have my final surgery to remove my rectum, knowing that I will likely never be able to have more kids.”
Katie says she was amazed at how great she felt while pregnant. It was the first time in a while she was having regular, normal bowel movements and was able to eat anything and everything without having abdominal pains and needing to run to the bathroom.
Katie Nichol was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2018 when she was 30 years old. She went through an emergency subtotal colectomy surgery in October 2019 to remove her diseased large bowel/colon and an ileostomy was created.
“I was told that I would keep my rectal stump to further my chances of being able to have children in the future, but my doctors told me to seriously think about having my family before my next operation, either a total proctectomy or j pouch surgery. Personally, I never thought I would ever be able to get pregnant after surgery as it was such a big life change and a lot of trauma had happened in my abdomen with surgery.”
Katie and her husband had been trying to conceive since before her IBD diagnosis. She didn’t know anyone in real life with a stoma. It made her anxious as she was unsure how her body would respond if she got pregnant and how it would affect her stoma, intestines, and overall health.
“After receiving my ileostomy, I felt so much healthier, happier, and started to think that my body would be able to conceive and start our family. My IBD team and surgeon kept saying at appointments post op that if I wanted a family I would need to start trying in the next couple of years before my next operation.”
Katie says her surgeon wanted to ‘preserve her pipes’ and advised her that a vaginal birth may cause some damage from pushing. Her care team warned her about the possibility of her rectal stump or stoma having the chance to prolapse, so she went ahead and scheduled a c-section.
“One surprise I used to get was when the baby was lying to my stoma side (right hand side) it would sometimes look like I had a hernia around my stoma sight, but the baby was underneath my stoma, this freaked me out a good few times, but it was amazing to see the baby move and my stoma still standing strong on my stomach.”
Katie took prenatal vitamins, iron, and was on a rectal foam for her rectal stump while she was pregnant. Since her stoma surgery, she is no longer on medication. Now she takes suppositories for her rectal stump before bed.
Receiving a Total Colectomy as a mom of two
Kimberly Hooks was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2011. She was 28 years old. Her oldest daughter, Briana, was five years old when Kimberly received her IBD diagnosis. After nine years she was able to reach remission and became pregnant with her second child. Kimberly had a three-stage J-pouch procedure between the fall and spring of 2020. She was an IBD mom of two while all of this was going down.
“I honestly did not want to accept that I had to have three surgeries. I was utterly devastated when I found out that I had to have a total colectomy. My surgeries were scheduled during the height of the pandemic in 2020. Mentally, I could not wrap my head around the fact that I would not be there for my family, especially during this critical time in our lives. I felt hopeless; I felt defeated as a mother and wife.”
Kimberly’s colectomy was unexpected. She did not have time to process anything.
“We often put ourselves last; however, I was not given a choice in this case. The reality was I had two more surgeries to undergo, and I understood that I have a family that loves and supports me. I realized this was my time to ensure that I did what I had to do to heal, recover, and finally be the best mom and wife I could be.”
The experience impacted Kimberly and her family in the most positive way. Her husband and daughters rose to the occasion day after day to offer love and support and saw Kimberly as their hero. She was discharged from the hospital after getting her ostomy on Mother’s Day and her daughters made her signs and gave her flowers.
“All the while, it was me who had to accept that living with an ostomy is something to be proud of. At first, mentally, it was a hard pill to swallow, but after awhile I realized that my ostomy bag saved my life; I will be forever thankful!”
Pregnancy after a Proctocolectomy
Kayla Lewis was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at age 10. When she was 24, Katie had surgery and received her ileostomy. She says that’s the first-time fertility and her future as a mother crossed her mind. Then, in 2017 she became incredibly sick. She tried what she thought was a temporary ostomy for six months. Then in a follow up scope her GI perforated her bowel.
“When I woke up, I was informed that my entire colon was scar tissue so much that the camera could barely go into the bowel before perforating it. At that point, I was told my options were to leave the colon and rectum or schedule to have both removed, but either way, the ostomy was suddenly permanent. I did not want to resort to that initial surgery till I knew I had exercised all other options available to me including meds, treatments, and diet. Being that surgery was my only hope at gaining life back, I never fully questioned how it would affect my fertility. I did briefly ask the surgeon if I can still have kids one day. He responded with a simple ‘yes’ and I left it at that.”
Even though Kayla says she still would have continued with her proctocolectomy regardless, she wishes she would have thought to ask more questions. Thanks to her ostomy, Kayla has been in remission for 5 years. She felt like family planning could be on her own terms.
“Being 12 weeks pregnant with an ostomy has been much smoother than I had envisioned for myself. I work as a nurse in an operating room, so feeling nauseous and vomiting was my biggest concern early on. I have a small body frame, so maybe once the bump starts to show, I will experience stoma changes. Hopefully, nothing more than just cutting the wafer a bit smaller or larger.”
Currently, Kayla takes Imuran and Allopurinol daily and injects Stelara every 8 weeks. She also takes a prenatal vitamin.
“I was always told that when the time comes for me to become a mom, it would have to be via c-section and not vaginally. I knew this well before my ostomy, because I was warned how difficult it could be for me to heal from tearing as well as could trigger a flare. After my proctocolectomy, I knew without a doubt, I would need to schedule a c-section to play it safe.”
Lori Plung was diagnosed with Crohn’s Colitis in 1980. She was 16 years old. Two years after her diagnosis her disease became severe. As she reflects, she remembers being very worried about ever being healthy enough to be a mom.
“My mom was told by my GI at the time that he didn’t have a good feeling about me being able to have children. This was not shared with me at the time, and this was well before surgery was mentioned to us.”
In 1988, Lori had a proctocolectomy. She remembers lying in the hospital bed before her surgery and a local IBD mom and her toddler coming to visit and show her all that’s possible with an ostomy.
“I believe what was missing, was a conversation with my doctors about how my anatomy would change after surgery and the possibility of scar tissue building up near my ovaries, fallopian tubes, and uterus. Therefore, making it harder to conceive. When it was time for us to try for a family, we couldn’t conceive on our own. In the back of my mind, I knew my insides were shifted around and I had a strong suspicion that mechanically things were not working correctly. We tried for about 6 months and started investigating fertility options. We didn’t wait the full year as often recommended because I was feeling well —and as we know with IBD, when the disease is under control, It’s the optimal time to be pregnant.”
Lori went through many fertility treatments and said no one blamed her proctocolectomy as the culprit. She ended up having scar tissue on one of her fallopian tubes. She got pregnant with her first child through IUI (Intrauterine insemination) and her second through IVF.
She remembers telling her husband she didn’t want their kids to have memories of growing up with a “sick mom.” She had three more IBD-related surgeries, numerous hospital stays, and says her energy was drained, but she prided herself on her inner strength and determination to always push through no matter what.
Lori says if she could talk to her former self, she would tell herself not to feel guilty about needing to stay home and do quiet activities because she was having a hard Crohn’s day.
“Not to be hard on myself when we sat and watched Barney (my daughter Dani’s favorite) or Teletubbies (my son Jesse’s favorite) because I was too exhausted to move. Not to feel guilty when everything fell on my husband, especially through each surgery and recovery. It’s ok to ask for help and not feel guilty.”
Lori’s kids are now 23 and 26. She still can’t believe she’s been able to be a mom and be there every step of the way as her kids thrived through each stage and season of life.
Advice for fellow ostomates about pregnancy
If you have an ostomy, you can have a baby. Don’t let your ostomy hold you back. Work with your care team to know when the right time is and if there would be any issues with getting pregnant.
The body has a way of coping no matter what. Your past trauma prepares you to handle the unknown and celebrate every win—big or small, along the way.
Keep the faith. You may run into roadblocks but exhaust all options before you throw in the towel. Miracles happen every day, stay hopeful.
Find a care team well-versed on IBD. A medical team who understands your complexities and who is supportive will make your experience with pregnancy and an ostomy a positive one. Have all hands-on deck and connect with your IBD team, surgeon, ostomy nurse, and Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) group. It will give you a sense of security as you embark on this wonderful and exciting adventure. Your ostomy nurse will be a huge resource—as your belly grows, so will your stoma.
Be mindful of ultrasound gel. Be prepared at OB-GYN and MFM appointments by bringing extra bags and wafers. Try and make sure your ostomy is empty prior to ultrasounds and then fold it up or hold it up to keep it out of the way. Ultrasound gel can make the adhesive come off. Many of the IBD moms I spoke to said they change their bag after every ultrasound to make sure all the gel is off their stomachs, so the new bag can stick on properly.
Stoma size and output. Don’t be alarmed if the size of your stoma changes as your baby bump grows. Stomas go back to their pre-pregnancy size after babies are born. For some, output can get thicker, and you can have more gas, but that’s likely due to being able to tolerate more fruits and veggies. As your belly grows, your bag may dangle rather than being tucked away and become a bit uncomfortable.
Remember everyone’s journey is unique. While each of these amazing women are sharing positive pregnancy experiences, don’t forget all the roadblocks, flares, and health issues they had to overcome to get to this point.
Ostomies gave you life and enable you to bring life into this world. For many IBD moms it’s surreal to experience your body go from attacking itself to nurturing and creating a life. Pregnancy provides a renewed love and appreciation for all that our bodies are capable of, despite our IBD.
Connect with other ostomates over social media and through support groups. Don’t hesitate to reach out to women who are living your same reality on social media. We’re all a family. Peer to peer support is amazing, reach out to fellow IBD moms. Here are the Instagram handles for the women featured in this article. Give them a follow!
IBD and motherhood can be beautiful, but it can also be extremely complex and complicated. Especially for those who deal with infertility on top of their Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis. As someone who did not have any struggles getting pregnant, I feel it’s extremely important to shed light on the fact that my story, my experience is just that—there are SO many other journeys that need to be shared and heard when it comes to infertility as it relates to IBD.
This week on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s we hear from several women with IBD who juggled their chronic illness while enduring In vitro fertilization (IVF).
Ashley Miller was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2013 when she was 26 years old. As part of her family planning, she discussed her desire to be a mother with her OBGYN. Her doctor told her to give it a go for 6 months and if she didn’t get pregnant, they would start additional testing. Six months passed without a positive pregnancy test. Ashley followed up with her doctor and was diagnosed with bilateral hydrosalpinx (blocked fallopian tubes), because of her Crohn’s.
“Although this diagnosis was upsetting, I was happy to hear that the doctor found a cause for my infertility and that IVF would be a good option for me. I was so lucky to have success with my egg retrieval and subsequent embryo transfers.”
Ashley says IBD prepared her for infertility.
“I’m the type of person who does not like to dwell on issues, I like to take action right away. I am grateful that my IBD was in remission during this time, otherwise, I would not have been able to pursue IVF immediately. I needed clearance from my GI, maternal fetal medicine (MFM) physician, and the reproductive endocrinologist (RE) before starting IVF.”
Ashley is on Stelara and had bowel resection surgery in August 2021. She has a 3-year-old son and a 15-month-old daughter. She intentionally had her children close together thanks to IVF to capitalize on her IBD being in remission.
Jenn Carmichael was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2006 when she was 21 years old. She got married in 2016 but was forced to wait to have kids because she was flaring. She manages her IBD with Stelara and azathioprine. Since her diagnosis she’s underwent an ileocolic resection, a revision, and several incision and drainage procedures (I&D) with setons for perirectal abscesses. Fast forward a few years and she was finally in remission.
Jenn and her husband started trying to conceive. After 6 months she followed up with her GI and consulted with a MFM doctor who specialized in IBD pregnancies.
“My MFM doctor was well versed on all the medications and complications of Crohn’s. He told me that due to my past surgeries if I were to get pregnant, I would need to have it confirmed via ultrasound right away. He explained that due to all the surgeries I’ve had in the abdominal region, that I was at a higher risk of having my fallopian tubes blocked and having an ectopic pregnancy. He also recommended I have a consultation with an RE since we had been trying with no success.”
Jenn underwent a full workup to investigate her hormone levels and had an ultrasound to look at her fallopian tubes. At this point, she was 36 years old. And while her tubes weren’t blocked, she had diminished ovarian reserve. She was told by her care team this was most likely a direct result of all the Crohn’s-related inflammation she had endured.
“Our infertility doctor recommended we start IVF right away. It was a difficult ovary stimulation that lasted much longer than normal (I was on stims for about 28 days vs. the normal 12 days). I wasn’t responding to the stim medications, but I was finally able to make it to the egg retrieval. Unfortunately, when I went in for my egg retrieval, I woke up to devastating news. They were not able to retrieve any eggs. I was heartbroken to say the least. We regrouped with our IVF doctor a week or so later and came up with a new plan.”
Jenn was put on a different medication protocol for the egg stimulation and was even told she should consider donor eggs. She started her second IVF cycle shortly after.
“Just as we started the stimulation phase of the cycle, I got sick with pneumonia and had to cancel the cycle. Then COVID hit about a month later, so all IVF cycles were canceled in my state for the time being. Around July 2020, we were able to try that IVF cycle again, but had to cancel once again due to no response to the stimulation medications.”
At this point Jenn told her RE that she would start to explore the egg donor option, but she wasn’t ready to give up with her own eggs just yet. She tried one last IVF cycle with yet another protocol. One egg was retrieved. The next morning her phone rang, and her heart dropped. Her doctor called to let them know the egg did not fertilize overnight and was abnormal.
Jenn once again re-grouped with her care team. Donor eggs were discussed. A specialized ultrasound showed her fallopian tubes were blocked. She left that appointment with information about an egg donor program, but she wanted to try another cycle with yet another protocol.
“Around the same time, I started to experience pain in my lower right abdominal area. I was admitted to the hospital and was diagnosed with bilateral tubo-ovarian abscesses. The one on the right started to tunnel (create a fistula) towards my sigmoid colon. I was brought to the OR shortly after not knowing if I was going to wake up with one or both fallopian tubes, either ovary or my sigmoid colon. Luckily, I have an amazing colorectal surgeon who’s been part of my team since I was diagnosed with Crohn’s. They did have to remove both fallopian tubes and my right ovary, but my left ovary and sigmoid colon were spared.”
The surgery took a toll on Jenn. Losing both her fallopian tubes, she knew without IVF, she would never be able to get pregnant on her own. During that time, she did a lot of thinking and research about IVF, Crohn’s, and what their future looked like. She also met with a social worker who specialized in infertility to help work through everything she was feeling.
“Once I was healed from surgery and mentally ready, my husband and I decided to pursue IVF using donor eggs. We worked with an egg donor agency to find an egg donor that we liked. After going through the process with all the administrative/legal paperwork and having our donor medically worked up, our donor was able to start the IVF cycle for egg retrieval. The egg retrieval was successful, and we had our first embryo transfer in August 2021. Our first transfer was successful, and I am currently 25 weeks pregnant expecting our first child, our sweet baby boy in May 2022.”
Christina LaDue was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2010 when she was 20. She had a bowel resection at age 23 to remove a fistula and her mom had the foresight to ask that an OB/GYN surgeon be present to ensure there was no damage to her reproductive organs.
“The OB/GYN noted that the inflammation in my pelvis was so great that he could not make a determination about my fertility at that time. When I shared the post-op reports with my PCP, he indicated that because of the noted inflammation I should only wait 6 months (as opposed to the one year that you’re supposed to wait) before pursuing assistance. After getting married and trying for six months I sought a referral to a RE who ran tests and concluded that my tubes were blocked due to scarring from my abdominal surgeries. She had us go right to IVF (as opposed to IUI first).”
Christina started her first round of IVF in November 2018. None of the fertilized embryos made it. She did another round in February 2019 and did a fresh transfer on Day 3, which was also unsuccessful. She did her first frozen embryo transfer (FET) in April 2019 and her son was born in December 2019. When he was 18 months old, she returned to the RE and did another FET in November 2020, which was unsuccessful. With one embryo left, they did an FET in February 2021 and recently welcomed a son to the world in October.
“The most triggering for me is during the initial routine testing via ultrasound my RE found fluid in my abdomen. This was extremely upsetting to me having undergone multiple treatments for recurrent abscesses because of a fistula. I freaked out and paged my GI who ordered a stat MRI. The MRI showed I have endometriosis and hydrosphix (fluid in my tubes) but nothing was wrong with my Crohn’s disease. That said, I was a huge emotional mess waiting for the MRI results and I thought for sure I was rocking another fistula.”
Christina recently started Inflectra (a biosimilar), she was previously on Remicade from September 2013-October 2021.
Megan Picucci was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in April 2017 when she was 30 years old. After being cleared by her GI and MFM she started trying and got pregnant. Unfortunately, shortly after finding out the news she started bleeding and had an ectopic pregnancy.
“Once I finally got my period in February 2020, I had an hysterosalpingogram (HSG) to check if my tubes were being blocked. It was inconclusive. Luckily, because of my prior abdominal surgery with my IBD and the ectopic pregnancy, I could switch right to IVF. All the bloodwork, shots, etc. was rough but I felt like my Crohn’s journey helped prepare me. I was used to bloodwork, I was used to injections, I had a PICC line at one point, so I was used to mixing meds.”
The first round was promising for Megan and her husband. There were several embryos and her first FET stuck.
“I waited with bated breath. I was sure it was another ectopic for no reason other than I’m not lucky when it comes to health issues. Well, she (though we didn’t know that until delivery) stuck and though I had moments of panic of something bad happening, it didn’t.”
The emotional toll of IBD weighed heavily on her as she prepared to bring a life into this world. She is on Remicade and had emergency bowel resection surgery in April 2017 and the reconnection surgery in July 2017.
“I had a lot of… ‘should I being doing this?’ thoughts. Even though my IBD was under control prior to trying I also knew that could change at any moment. How could I raise a kid with a flare or surgeries and what if I pass my IBD on? But having a great support system made me confident I’d have help if those things occurre. Happy to say my daughter is now 11 months old.”
Jade Fiedler was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2012 at age 22. Jade is on Humira and had an ileocolic resection in July 2015. Her and her husband tried for a baby for one year, but around 7-8 months in she felt something wasn’t right.
“We saw an OB who specialized in RE. We took an aggressive route for treatment. I had an HSG (right tube was blocked and could not flush), Hysteroscopy (which found polyps) and an ultrasound which found a heart shaped uterus. We immediately jumped into 3 back-to-back IUI cycles due to those findings and my husband’s sperm sample being mostly normal with a tiny morphology issue. After those failed, we did a laparoscopy which found more polyps in my uterus (endometriosis), and they found the tube was blocked and covered in scar tissue due to Crohn’s surgery in 2015.”
Jade then had two more failed IUIs but didn’t stop there.
“I advocated for insurance coverage at work, and they covered our first cycle of IVF three months later. We got two genetically normal embryos and one was transferred on October 4th. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant!!!”
She is happy to share what she sent to her employer for a reference if you need it.
Jade says living with IBD and going through IVF is “terrifying” since you must be in remission with your Crohn’s to even try IVF.
“I was going through an emotional toll of finding out that not only are we not able to get pregnant right now, but there’s a very good chance we never will, and most signs point to me as the problem. It’s all encompassing and overwhelming.”
Much like IBD, Infertility is a full-time job.
“Balancing appointments and results and medications and insurance coverage and time off work — all while trying to stay NOT stressed to cause a flare. It’s an added issue when you have scar tissue and scars, which creates more of a puzzle for doctors. It’s really hard to have two diagnoses that are totally out of your control and leave you hating your own body.”
Even though Jade is due with a baby boy in June she still experiences a gamut of emotions. Everything from joy and anxiety to guilt, happiness, and fear. Her and her husband are leaning into their faith and praying their son will continue to grow at a healthy rate and arrive safely.
Katie Ferriss was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2012 when she was 26 years old. After six months with no luck and a series of tests, she learned her right fallopian tube was a hydrosalpinx (Dilated fallopian tube). Unfortunately, the tube needed to be removed, which put her at another disadvantage for getting pregnant.
“We moved forward with 3 medicated IUIs back-to-back-to-back since I had a dominant follicle on the left side each time. Unfortunately, all the IUIs failed. Our next step was IVF. I was so hopeful; I just knew this would work for us. My first retrieval only yielded 4 eggs, 3 of which were mature, 2 fertilized, and 1 made it to the blastocyst stage. We tried a fresh transfer, but ultimately did not end with a pregnancy.”
Katie and her husband were devastated. They had gone through IVF and had nothing to show for it—not even additional embryos to try again. Through the process, Katie learned she was a ‘poor responder’ to medication and had poor egg quality, which is common with autoimmune disease.
“After a couple of months, we moved forward with another retrieval. This time our RE changed to a much more aggressive protocol with higher doses of stims right out of the gate. I responded much better overall and produced several more mature follicles.
During our second retrieval, the RE was able to retrieve 10 eggs with 9 being mature, and at the end we were able to freeze 2 high grade embryos. We thought we would be able to move right into a frozen transfer cycle, but Crohn’s had other plans for us.”
Because of the massive amounts of infertility medication and the unbelievable stress levels, her body almost forced her to rest—she had a Crohn’s flare.
“My GI was adamant I stop fertility treatments until my Crohn’s was in remission. I would do a colonoscopy in 6 months to learn where I was at. Again, completely devastated that our plans for a baby were put on hold due to my body not cooperating. My GI doctor started me on a different medication, Cimzia, that was very pregnancy friendly as it does not cross through the placenta to the baby if I was finally able to get pregnant. Thankfully 6 months later during my follow-up colonoscopy, my Crohn’s had been put in remission, and I was able to be put back in fertility treatments.”
Katie and her husband were hopeful that the stars were finally aligning for their family. But shortly thereafter they had a failed transfer. They only had one frozen embryo left.
“My RE then tried another test called an Endometrial Receptivity Analysis (ERA) to make sure we were transferring at the optimal time. That test led to another discovery that we were transferring too soon, and I needed 24 more hours of progesterone. We started another transfer cycle using a different medication protocol and transfer timing and found out 10 days later it worked. I went on to have a very uneventful pregnancy, and our miracle baby was born 9 months later in March 2019.”
Katie now manages her Crohn’s with Stelara. She developed a stricture and had bowel resection surgery in August 2020. She credits the surgery as giving her life-changing relief. Her and her husband now have two children—their biological son is two. They are in the process of adopting their 3-year-old daughter from foster care.
COVID and IVF
On top of these challenges, going through infertility and oftentimes being immunocompromised from IBD medications through the pandemic has added extra challenges for everyone involved.
“Every procedure, appointment, surgery, getting sad news, even “getting knocked up” was alone. Alone in a cold room, where you are undressed in front of strangers and probed and in pain. I did it all alone. I found a strength in myself that I never knew existed and for that, I have changed. In some ways I am stronger; in others I am damaged. Trauma and infertility go hand in hand. This is something I will have to work through, which I will, but this chapter of my life will never be just a dull memory,” said Jade.
Advice for IBD mamas in waiting from those who have lived it
Allow yourself time to grieve your infertility diagnosis and find support with friends and family. Try to stay positive and keep your “end goal” of having a baby in mind.
Be patient, sometimes your expectations of procedures and embryo transfers may change due to situations out of your control.
Stay hopeful. It may seem like there is no end in sight at times, but always have hope.
You are strong and will get through this.
This is true for any woman struggling to get pregnant: it sucks. Just acknowledging how painful it is to want something so badly and feel like it is unobtainable. It’s OK to feel those big feelings.
Use your knowledge, expertise, and experience as an IBD patient to your advantage. You know how to navigate medical coverage and insurance, don’t hesitate to advocate for yourself. You’re in a much better place to deal with all this medical stuff than someone who does not have a chronic illness.
The IVF process is long. The first appointment for the first positive pregnancy test took 10 months. And the second time, from the time we resumed working with our RE to the positive pregnancy test took 5 months.
Trust your medical team. And if you don’t trust your medical team, it’s OK to find a different doctor or a different clinic. There are no guarantees in IVF and it’s hard for folks, especially after going through all the treatment to have a failed cycle or failed transfer.
Give yourself grace you did nothing to cause your IBD and you also did nothing to cause your infertility. However, it is also ok to be mad, have low moments, and be sad. All those emotions are valid, allow to yourself to have them.
Get the colonoscopy and upper endoscopy done before you start actively trying. Make sure you have records shared for BOTH clinics. Don’t let people pressure you into taking medication for fertility that may offset or flare up your IBD. Don’t forget to remind your providers every time – they may forget.
Find support groups. There are more women than you think going through this. My Facebook community that is an IVF/IUI due date group for women who were due winter/spring of 2021 was the best community I could ask for.
Talk about it. if you feel comfortable. Share your story, share your pain, more people go through this than we realize.
You are more capable than you think. You are stronger than you will ever know. This is going to suck and it’s going to challenge your mental health, friendships, relationship with your husband, your connection to family, you work life, etc. it’s going to change you in ways you could ever imagine and it’s going to rip your heart out of your chest because you can’t know this pain unless you’ve lived it. But I promise you will come out stronger and you will be changed in the most incredible ways. Hang in there.
I can see your fear and it’s big. But I can see your courage and it’s bigger.
Don’t give up hope. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for; IVF is incredibly difficult, but you CAN DO IT!!
Do your own research. Find your tribe – IBD and IVF warriors are incredible and there are plenty of us out there in both camps. Get a therapist. Get a support group. Read books. Bake. Find your coping skills and don’t give up. You’re a badass. Having IBD is hard. Going through infertility is hard. But you can do hard things.
Well, after dodging the son of a bitch since March 2020 and doing all I could to stay well, I have COVID. My husband and I started with symptoms New Year’s Eve. Quite the way to welcome in 2022, let me tell ya. As an IBD mom of three little ones who is immunocompromised from my medication, I, like so many others have been worried about this since the moment the pandemic began. One of my greatest fears became my reality. My husband tested positive the day he was scheduled for his booster. I’m triple vaxxed (since late July!) and that still wasn’t enough to protect me. I do believe the vaccines lightened the load of the illness and I’m grateful we had them.
Like I do with all my blog articles and reporting, I prefer to be transparent and honest about my personal experience in hopes of helping others. I’ve been keeping track of my symptoms daily and monitoring how the illness has manifested in me since it began. In this article, I’ll also share how I was guided by my gastroenterologist and pediatrician in navigating this once my family was exposed and became positive. As of now, miraculously, all three of our children (ages 4 and under), have tested negative and appear healthy.
Discovering I was exposed
So many emotions ran through my mind. Fear. Dread. Anger. Frustration. Disbelief. Shame. Worry. I cried lots of tears. My youngest is not quite 6 months old. Like any parent, I have tried my best to shield him from all types of illness since he entered this world. More than myself I’ve been concerned about how his little body would handle COVID. My family of five was directly exposed for 44 hours straight. We all had the same exposure and the damage had been done. What was supposed to be a time to celebrate with loved ones over the holidays turned into a nightmare real fast. It’s been a waiting game. I’ve felt a lot of emotions since my symptoms creeped up the night we returned home.
Here’s how my COVID has played out:
Friday, December 31st—headache, brain fog
Saturday, January 1—headache, runny nose, fatigue, no appetite
Sunday, January 2—headache, runny nose in the morning only, a dry cough, a little difficulty breathing, no appetite
Monday, January 3—headache, runny nose in the morning only, bad cough with phlegm coming up, congestion, hoarse voice, no appetite
Tuesday, January 4—TESTED POSITIVE (no surprise there) Runny nose like a faucet in the morning only, migraine with auras, no appetite, bad cough with phlegm coming up, hoarse voice.
Wednesday, January 5—Runny nose in the morning only, headache, hoarse voice, same cough. Smell and taste lessened. All three kids tested negative through pediatrician.
Thursday, January 6—Less congested, subtle headache, hoarse voice, same cough, no appetite, fatigue, taste, and smell gone.
Friday, January 7—Can finally breathe through my nose, subtle headache, no taste or smell, no appetite, congestion.
Saturday, January 8—headache, no taste or smell, congestion.
Sunday, January 9—FINALLY no headache, feels like a head cold, no taste or smell. My voice is back to normal, feeling a lot more like myself.
Managing Crohn’s Through COVID
As someone who has lived with IBD for more than 16 years, feeling unwell and juggling unpredictable symptoms doesn’t feel like anything new. But, knowing how to keep the focus on managing my Crohn’s while having “normal people sickness” is often challenging, especially since COVID is so unique in how it presents differently in people and comes in waves. When my gastroenterologist learned I had tested positive she offered up the monoclonal antibody infusion or a 5-day course of Pfizer’s new over the counter pill, Paxlovid. Since I was unable to get tested until day five of symptoms and since my case was mild, I chose not to do either. Personally, the thought of sitting around all the germs in a hospital (even though I’m positive for COVID) didn’t sound appealing to me. There is just so much sickness going around right now. I felt more comfortable taking the illness on myself since it was not severe and have been taking Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Zinc, and my prescription prenatal and folic acid.
One big question many of us in the community have is what to do about biologic therapies when we test positive. I am on Humira, and my next injection is due today (January 10). I was exposed to COVID two days after doing my injection. My gastroenterologist told me I would be fine to stay on schedule since my symptoms were mild and since I did not have a fever. She went on to say that if I am not having pulmonary issues (which I’m not), that I should proceed with my scheduled injection.
Luckily, my Crohn’s felt non-existent the entire time I’ve been sick with COVID. It was almost like my body was solely focused on the upper respiratory issues. Oddly enough, and this may be TMI…but I always tell people in our community nothing is TMI… today (Sunday) I experienced a burning sensation in my abdomen for about 30 minutes, felt some nausea, and had several bathroom trips. It was almost as though the COVID was leaving my body, because the last 10 days I haven’t felt anything like this and now I feel a lot better.
Mom Life with COVID
What’s really made this entire ordeal torturous for me is having to do my typical stay-at-home mom life with a 4.5-year-old, almost 3-year-old, and 5-month-old, while having COVID and Crohn’s disease. Unfortunately, even though my husband was symptomatic and positive he had to work from home, so it’s been me in the trenches, wearing a mask from 6 a.m. til the kids go to bed, and not getting a moment to rest or recuperate.
What anyone with a family and COVID can attest to is how challenging quarantine is when you can’t have your village of support help you with the little ones or get any type of childcare break. Typically, Reid goes to preschool three days a week and Sophia goes twice a week. Even though their school days are short, and I’m used to having everyone home, I’ve grown accustomed to a little bit of downtime with the baby. Between Christmas break and our quarantine, our entire family has been home since December 20th. Even through I’ve been sick and on the struggle bus, my day-to-day actions have not been able to change at all. To say I’m running on E is an understatement. Don’t beat yourself up over screen time and not being able to entertain your kids, it’s survival mode at its finest. As an IBD mom, the fatigue that comes with our illness is nothing new, the only saving grace with COVID is knowing there should be an endpoint. While long COVID exists of course, I’m not sure I’d be able to even tell the difference since I already live with chronic illness.
Breastfeeding with COVID
Ladies, I thought breastfeeding through colonoscopy prep and not eating for the days leading up was intense. This has been a whole different level of effort. To protect the baby, our pediatrician recommended my husband and I wear masks in our house. People complain about wearing a mask to get groceries. Try wearing it in your own home, morning-noon-and-night for 10 days, nursing a baby while your nose is running like a faucet, you feel unwell, and fear you’re going to pass along COVID to your small baby because you’re in such close proximity. At times I’ve felt on the brink of having an anxiety attack because the mask and my breathing made me feel like I was gasping for air while trying to feed him.
That being said, I’ve never felt more grateful or fortunate to be breastfeeding my son. It does my heart good to know he’s getting my antibodies in real-time as my body fights COVID. While breastmilk of infected mothers does not contain COVID-19, it contains antibodies against it.
I found promising articles and research about the benefits of COVID-positive moms continue to breastfeed their children:
Luckily, thus far, my baby hasn’t shown any symptoms and continues to thrive beautifully as we gear up for him turning 6 months this week. I’ve prayed hard over him daily and I’m hopeful I’m nourishing him and providing him with the best protection possible by nursing him through this pandemic.
Recommendations Moving Forward
As I write this it’s 9 pm on Sunday night. I’m much more at ease and honestly since I’ve been sick since New Year’s Eve, the entire start of 2022 has been a blur. I’m sitting on the couch, fire going, taking a deep breath, and trying to relax. Now that hindsight is 20/20 here’s what I wish I did before and what my recommendations are:
Order rapid tests proactively: Part of the reason we were exposed initially was because my loved ones could only get their hands on one test (which was negative). We made the trip home only to find out two days later that my dad had been positive the entire time. I ordered four tests on 12/30 and they just arrived yesterday. Prior to all this, my kids and I had never been tested. It’s much smarter to have tests ready to go at home so you aren’t scrambling and forced to make a judgment call that could put you in the line of fire.
Get 3-ply surgical masks for little ones: My kids have worn cloth masks up until all this, but when they return to school later this month, I plan to send them in surgical masks for added protection. I don’t expect my little ones to wear N95s. Not only are surgical masks more convenient than constantly having to wash them, if they lose their masks or misplace them in the wash, I don’t have to run around trying to find a mask that’s clean and ready to go as we are rushing out the door.
Connect with your care team when symptoms start: If you have a chronic illness and especially if you’re on heavy duty medications (like biologics) I can’t stress enough how important it is to stay in open communication with your care team so they are aware of the situation and can guide you through it. COVID is nothing to mess around with. It’s not *just a cold*, trust me. I spoke with my GI and my pediatrician almost daily this week through the patient portals.
Don’t take unnecessary risks and let your guard down: We are all exhausted from this nightmare, and I get how we all want to enjoy life and not live in fear. But one risky decision—something as simple as going out to dinner or seeing family that you miss, can end up with a great deal of sickness that you’ll quickly realize wasn’t worth it. Get vaccinated, get boosted. We’ve lost two family friends this week alone who were unvaccinated and died of COVID. It’s beyond heartbreaking.
If you lose your taste and smell like me, I’ve been told the sooner you start smell training the better: My friend recommended I order four essential oil scents off Amazon—Clove, Lemon, Eucalyptus, and Rose. They arrive to me on Wednesday. I have also been told by multiple people to eat Hot Tamales Candy and spicy, potent foods to get taste buds reactivated and to drink celery juice. Smelling perfume, cologne, garlic, dish detergent, and candles several times a day for 20-second increments is also a way to help bring it back.
Chart your symptoms each day: It’s helpful to keep track of your symptoms each day in the “Notes” section of your phone, otherwise it’s hard to remember what you’ve dealt with. It takes out the guesswork when talking with your doctors and helps you see how you’re improving or getting worse.
Disposable everything: We’ve been using plastic Red Solo Cups and writing our names on them, paper plates, paper towels, you name it. Get the germs out of your house and avoid using shared hand towels, toothpaste, etc. with those you live with.
Overwhelmed. Terrified. Unsure. When Heather Hausenblas’ son, Tommy, was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease December 6, 2018 at age 16, she didn’t even know what IBD stood for. She knew she had a lot to learn and was on a mission to get her son healthy. Fast forward three years and now she’s a published author on the topic.
“Invisible Illness” chronicles how it feels from a parent’s perspective when your teenage child is diagnosed with a chronic illness for which there is no cure. The book provides an inside look at a mother struggling to find her way forward and how she turned despair into hope not only for herself, but for her entire family.
Heather Hausenblas, PhD, is a mother of three boys, health psychology expert, and award-winning researcher. She says when her eldest son was diagnosed with Crohn’s, her personal and professional roles collided. Not only was she going to battle for her child, but she also began her mission to help those with chronic illness eliminate the overwhelm and (re)discover health.
Dealing with the words chronic and incurable
“I kept hearing there was no cure, no known cause, no one treatment, and no one symptom. No. No. No. No. He will always have it. It’s never going away,” writes Hausenblas in her book.
Chronic and incurable-these two words were exploding in Heather’s mind on repeat. Tommy went from being on the high school baseball team, with lots of friends, doing well in school, and being very active…to living with a complicated and often debilitating disease. Everything in their life came to an abrupt halt. She explains how the illusion of youthful invincibility began to fade. Something anyone in our community can relate to. Health is often taken for granted until it is robbed away from you.
Feeling helpless through the struggles
She writes, “I could hear the pain in Tommy’s voice. But I was helpless. To put his excruciating pain in perspective, one Crohn’s patient described it as, “I’ve given birth without an epidural twice in my life, and the pain of Crohn’s disease was far worse than that.” “Tommy’s physical agony was accompanied by the unending frustration involved in trying to diagnose this complex disease. His symptoms and complaints had been overlooked—even dismissed.”
When a child or parent is diagnosed with IBD it impacts not only the person with Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis, but each family member in a unique way. It’s often said that IBD is a “family” disease.
“Torture was seeing my child wasting away to a skeleton, dropping nearly twenty pounds on his already lean frame, constantly running to the bathroom, and having excruciating pain. Torture was watching him leave the house only to run back seconds later for the bathroom while his friends went to the party.”
As a mom with Crohn’s myself, reading Heather’s perspective as the parent watching her son endure pain and hardships struck a chord with me because when you’re a young patient and are diagnosed before becoming a parent yourself, you often don’t take the time to think about how your disease and struggles are impacting the people who love you most. Not out of disregard, but simply because you are dealing with so much internally and externally it can be difficult to think outside of yourself.
Healing with food
While Heather shares a great deal of insight about the importance of diet and nutrition as it relates to IBD throughout the book, she also talks about the challenges Crohn’s presents since each person tolerates food differently. She explains how it’s impossible to find a one-size-fits-all diet but advises patients to journal everything from what they eat to how often they go to the bathroom to try and tailor a personal diet that works for you. Discovering your own triggers and knowing which foods are risky or tend to cause pain is a huge step in managing your illness.
“After a few weeks of strictly following the SCD (Specific Carbohydrate) diet, Tommy said that gluten wasn’t his issue. He somehow knew. He knew his body. He now eats gluten when he wants…Tommy’s liberalization of the SCD highlights the practical concern of adhering to a very restrictive diet.”
“Invisible Illness” includes 30 pages of helpful inflammation-fighting recipes. Throughout the book Heather talks about how she “detoxed and decluttered” her home and the cathartic effect journaling had on her coping process then and now.
Now, as a sophomore at Clemson University studying engineering, Tommy is in remission and does not take medication. He manages his Crohn’s by eating a healthy diet made up of organic, whole food, has an active lifestyle, and says his Crohn’s disease does not define who he is.
Forming connections and offering hope
Heather hopes that by candidly sharing her family’s journey with IBD that she opens the door for connections between other parents and families living the same reality. She recommends fellow parents to get involved with local organizations, so you recognize from the get-go that you are not alone.
Her main goal with publishing “Invisible Illness” was to “to help others navigate through the storm of medical and health information to figure out the right wellness path.”
How to purchase “Invisible Illness”
You can get your hands on a book by ordering a copy on Amazon.
Less than one percent of the world’s population has it. I’m talking about Infantile VEO-IBD, or “Very Early Onset” IBD. What’s that you may wonder? It’s a rare and often fatal subset of Crohn’s disease that impacts children ages two and under. This week we hear from a mom whose daughter Riley was diagnosed with Infantile VEO-IBD as a newborn, she’s now 18 months. During her first year of life, Riley spent 27 weeks in the hospital. Jana Gilkey opens up candidly about what it’s like to be this type of IBD mom, what she wants others to know about her daughter’s patient journey, and how you can best support families with medically complex children.
Clinical characteristics of Infantile IBD are different from those of an adolescent or adult-onset case with features that are more aggressive & rapidly progressive. There is no known treatment plan and no known cure. Much of the treatment and therapies available are considered research and trial based and are not currently approved by the FDA due to the young age of those diagnosed.
Jana says she could tell something was off from the moment Riley was born. At first as an exclusively pumping mama, she thought her daughter had a dairy intolerance, so she cut every common allergen from her diet.
“We saw our first pediatric gastroenterologist when Riley was one month old. As a mom, my intuition was screaming at me that something was terribly wrong. We saw a few different pediatric gastroenterologists and by month two of life, her symptoms had only progressed. By the time she was 3 months old, she was not stable enough to stay home and had completely stopped eating by mouth. What little we could get her to eat, she was unable to keep down. She was diagnosed with failure to thrive and rapidly declining on all accounts.”
Riley was hospitalized for the next three months. Every day brought new symptoms and complications. She had been evaluated for every condition and received her first PICC Line in which she received continuous TPN & Lipids due to not tolerating any kind of substance in her stomach. Riley also received a series of blood, iron, and albumin transfusions.
Receiving the Infantile VEO-IBD diagnosis
An upper and lower endoscopy revealed lesions throughout Riley’s entire GI Tract. Bingo.
“I began to scour the internet on anything and everything I could find on Infantile VEO-IBD. There was a white board in our hospital room. I wrote down everything I could find on that board. I drew myself diagrams and made notes on doctors to try and connect with. I recorded nearly every second of my daughter’s day those 3 months of our first hospital stay. I ordered books and searched and listened to every podcast I could find on children diagnosed with autoimmune diseases in the first few months of life. I fell asleep most nights watching YouTube videos on nearly every kind topic you can imagine regarding genetics, the immune system, how the body processes monosaccharides, how the brain communicates to the GI tract, and everything else in between I could find to better understand, educate, and advocate for my daughter.”
Like anyone with IBD can relate to—the unpredictability and uniqueness of each person’s experience with IBD makes a diagnosis extremely challenging to cope with.
“While all of my research and studies have been vital to my education and understanding, the very best education (and support) we have received has been from those who also walked a similar journey battling Infantile VEO-IBD.”
How it feels to watch your baby fight a chronic illness
The way Jana describes what it’s like to be a mom watching your child fight an uphill battle against their health had me crying. She explains her experience and perspective so beautifully, yet it’s heart-wrenching to read.
“Most of the time it feels like frantically trying to catch little fireflies that show a glimmer of themselves and then seem to disappear just before jarring them all up. Impossible to fix and yet, aren’t good moms supposed to fix things for their babies? It feels like trying to catch water in the cup of your hands. It just keeps slipping through, no matter how tightly you squeeze. To me, watching my daughter endure such chronic pain and struggle, feels like a constant dance between surrender and war.”
You can feel the pain and the love in her words.
“When Riley was first diagnosed. I was ready to fight, on a mission to find a cure, fly her anywhere, climb the highest mountain, swim to the bottom of the ocean to find that one special pearl that could bring her healing. I believed (and still believe) that the healing remedy for her is out there. However, I have since come to terms that the journey we are on is not a sprint. It is a marathon. I surrender to the things which I cannot control or change. But I will never stop fighting for better. I am willing to run this marathon for the rest of my life so that, Lord willing, my daughter or maybe even those that come after her don’t have to.”
How IBD has “given” to Jana’s family more than it’s taken
Jana says Riley’s disease has changed everything about her outlook on health and her overall perspective on life in general.
“I believe it has given to our family more than it has taken. Riley’s battle with Crohn’s Disease may have robbed us of nearly all of her first year of life on what “could have been.’’ However, it has given us as a family the opportunity to choose what is and what can be. We have been given the opportunity to choose joy during uncertainty and at times chaos.”
Through the pain and tears Jana has realized that we do not own our health but steward it.
She says, “health is not ours to claim but to honor and look after. While it may at times feel as if I have somehow failed my daughter’s health, this is not true. I have honored it with all it has brought. It was never within my control to begin with. I believe the same is true for others within the chronic illness world. There is a lot of room for grace here.”
A life-threatening setback
Riley recently was unable to absorb any nutrients in her GI tract. She started refusing to take anything by mouth and was provided nutrients intravenously through a catheter in her chest the first 10 months after her initial Infantile VEO-IBD diagnosis. The hope—once the right combination of medications was found to wrangle Riley’s disease under control that a gastrostomy tube (g-tube) could be placed.
“One of the many risks of living life with a central line can be infection of the blood. Riley was at high risk for infections due to the medications she was receiving for treatment in addition to being immunocompromised. Unfortunately, Riley developed a blood infection on three different occasions and one put her body in a state of shock.”
Jana says thanks to the grace of God, Riley recovered and does not have any known organ damage at this time. The last four months she’s been home and started to tolerate food in her GI tract. She’s completely weaned from being fed through her veins!
“While we are still searching and longing to find remission for her, she is able to finally have a little more freedom to be the toddler she is. We still have some hard days, but we do feel hopeful we are on the path to remission and will soon see her body heal. Each day that she feels better, we see more of her personality. It is so fun to finally get to know her and see her able to explore more of her world!”
Treating and managing Infantile VEO-IBD
In her 18 months of life, Riley has been on a laundry list of medications and treatments and endured countless procedures and surgeries.
Proton Pump Inhibitors
Liquid, Topical, & Inhaled Corticosteroids
Additional Daily Dietary Supplements
TPN & Lipids
Multiple Invasive & Non-Invasive Diagnostic Tests and Scopes
Gastronomy Tube Placement
Catheter Placements & Removals
Riley becomes a big sis
This past August Riley became a big sister to Josephine. Since Riley’s health has not been stable enough to travel or be around people because of the pandemic, Jana is FINALLY able to travel back home for the holidays with her family of four. Many of their loved ones met both daughters for the first time this past week at Thanksgiving. Jana says while the lows of Crohn’s disease have been really low, it makes the highs feel that much higher. As she juggles life with a medically challenged child and a healthy child alongside her husband, she’s trying her best to enjoy being a “mom” instead of solely a caretaker.
“While it is very busy, I will say, that in a way my second born has helped us all to take a breather as a family. It’s helped to remind me that I am their mother still and more than a caretaker to both of them. Up until recently, our life has been about keeping Riley here with us. Thankfully, she is in a much better place, and I can also focus on raising her and her baby sister together! This would all be so much more tough without our wonderful support system we have. My husband is unbelievably helpful in addition to my own mother who has been with us every step of the way in this journey.”
Jana says having tangible support is a huge stress relief. By tangible she means, physical help with chores around the house like doing dishes, the laundry, and even having family members learn how to manage a g-tube so her and her husband can take a nap every now and then.
“None of it is how I envisioned our life going and it sure isn’t perfect, but I would not trade either of my girls for one second. I believe every child comes to the world at the time they are destined to come. I know they are meant to be here at the time they are and together.”
How IBD has impacted motherhood from a parent perspective
Jana says she no longer looks forward to the expectations she may have had for her children. Instead, she looks forward to watching whatever they choose to paint the canvas in front of them.
“It’s actually so much more exciting to not have expectations, just enjoying what I can from each day with them, and on the edge of my seat to cheer them on in whatever they do. They are God’s children, and it is a great honor and challenge for me to be able to steward them well. I trust He will fight for them and will always be with them even when I can’t.”
The journey over the past 18 months has helped Jana gain a better understanding of fellow moms as well.
“What may be best for one family may not be best for the next and that is something to celebrate really – not be judgmental or weary of. Moms have way too much on their backs to place any judgement. The children we have been given were given to each of us as individuals for a reason and no one else. There is no longer room for guilt or judgement here, just grace and support.”
Best ways to support families with medically complex children
When loved ones and friends go through health hardships, we often want to help in some way. But unbeknownst to us some of the ways we approach the conversations can be off-putting without even realizing it. Jana says knowing so many people (many whom they have never met) are praying for Riley, interested in her journey, and supporting them, has been incredibly overwhelming.
“I met so many truly inspiring families and individuals over the last year and a half since Riley’s diagnosis. Sometimes, it can be exhausting to share our story, as there is so much to explain. But, each time I share, I am reminded that we are not alone in this. That is really a huge encouragement when times have felt isolating.”
Jana has come to realize that when it comes to health and those walking through a medical journey, that what we may know or what they choose to share about their story is often just the tip of the iceberg to what they are going through.
“Offer grace, not judgement. Offer time, not advice. People genuinely mean it when they say, “Let me know how I can help.” These questions are well meaning but they put the ball in the court of the person who may be enduring rather than the one seeking to support. It’s often difficult to understand what your own needs may be when in seasons of crisis.”
Instead seek to understand. While it feels natural to ask questions like, “Are you/they feeling better?, “How was your day?”, or “What can I do to help?” These types of questions can feel broad and difficult to answer in the world of chronic illness.
Jana recommends asking questions to seek understanding. She says asking the right questions can be helpful for those we want to support.
Here are some examples:
Can you tell me about your day today?
I spent some time researching the diagnosis you shared with me, and I have a few questions…would you mind if I asked you so I can better understand what it looks like for you?
I would like to know more about what the days look like for you. Would you like to share?
How does your daughter’s diagnosis and patient journey affect you?
Want to do something spontaneous, without asking? Go for it. Deliver a meal, write a letter, offer your time in a way that does not require a friend who may be in crisis to ask things of you. Pain can often feel like a burden and be very isolating. Having someone ask to better understand and invite themselves into our pain helps to lift that burden – just knowing someone else sees.
When she’s not on the runway during Fashion Week or gracing magazines, Keyla is doing all she can to be an advocate for IBD. She was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis eight years ago, but this year, she found out she has Crohn’s disease.
“As a child, I always had intense stomach aches, and difficulty going to the restroom. Sometimes I’d even pass out. Doctors always told me it was constipation. It wasn’t until I was at work one day and passed out that my boss convinced me that I needed additional medical attention.”
At that point, Keyla was having 8-10 bloody bowel movements a day. Prior to ulcerative colitis, she was diagnosed with celiac disease and went on a strict gluten free diet. But unfortunately, the symptoms persisted. She got a second opinion and that’s when she was diagnosed with IBD. Keyla recalls that in the beginning moments of her patient journey she struggled to grasp that chronic illness meant her disease was a “lifelong partner” and that IBD would change her life in unimaginable ways.
The journey to an ileostomy
Fast forward two years after her IBD diagnosis and Keyla rushed to the hospital after noticing unexplained bleeding. Turns out she was hemorrhaging from her uterus and was told she had uterine cancer.
“After having a partial hysterectomy and no longer being able to have children, I’m not sure if it was the stress from everything happening but my UC was never able to be controlled after that. From failed medications like Methotrexate and Remicade to looking like Quasimodo from eye swelling caused by Entyvio and having less hair than a toddler from being on Humira. My body and I had enough. My clinical team and I decided it was time to evict my colon.”
In September 2018, Keyla began her 2-phase j-pouch procedure. Unfortunately, the surgeon discovered her colon was much more diseased than he had thought. Keyla’s colon had become fused to her stomach, resulting in part of her stomach to be removed as well.
“For 2 months I felt amazing with my ostomy and was excited for my reversal in December 2018. But shortly after, I began developing chronic pouchitis, could not gain weight, required IV fluids regularly, with a failed midline and then needed a central line. We decided to disconnect my j-pouch and create my end ileostomy in September 2020.”
All was well until January 2021 when Keyla started bleeding from her ileostomy. It was at this point she was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and started Stelara. After a few hospital stays and some improvement with her symptoms, she began to experience an increase in rectal pain, urgency, and discomfort, so Keyla needed yet another surgery.
October 27th (less than one month ago!) she had her j-pouch removed with a proctectomy and officially made her stoma permanent. She’s recovering from this surgery as we speak.
How Modeling Came into Play
After reading that challenging medical history, you may wonder how Keyla finds the time to focus on a profession. Modeling is something Keyla always wanted to do when she was younger, but she was too embarrassed to tell anyone. She sort of stumbled into it. Keyla had done a fun photoshoot with a friend and those photos were shown to another friend who works in the fashion industry. Before she knew it, Keyla was a published model!
“Sometimes I still can’t believe I’m living my dream despite having health issues. I had the honor to walk at London Fashion Week this year and have been published in magazines out of the US, UK, and Canada.”
SURREAL Lifestyle Magazine and 4 Seasons Magazine have been her favorite features thus far because the publications have allowed her to speak about her IBD advocacy work. Modeling serves as the perfect platform for spreading awareness to others about ostomies and life with Crohn’s.
“I always try to take the time for myself and make sure I am doing the things my mental health needs to stay focused and feel well. I also try to own those feelings. If I’m symptomatic, I try to accept it and openly communicate my struggles with others.”
Keyla says having an ileostomy can make modeling a bit more complicated, especially if she has to wear form fitting or tight clothing. If that’s the case, she ends up having to empty her bag more times than she really needs to. She’s grateful her modeling gigs have followed strict COVID guidelines, which helps her feel more at ease during these uncertain times.
When a project allows, she especially enjoys getting to show her ostomy in photos or on the runway. She chalks that up as her biggest career win of all!
A model mother
Keyla’s main focus whether she’s modeling or fighting a flare in the hospital is her family. She has an 11-year-old son who inspires and motivates her to push through the difficult days.
“IBD has made motherhood challenging. Without chronic illness motherhood can be difficult as it is, adding health issues on top of it makes it more complicated. I constantly question whether I’m making the right choices. But I also tell myself all I can do is try and hope that I’m being a good role model for him.”
It pains her to see how her son gets anxious about her IBD and healthcare. He’s been by her side every step of the way since she was diagnosed after he was born. Despite the highs and lows, Keyla feels her son is stronger because of her illness and has an innate sense of empathy and understanding for others.
If her IBD has taught her anything it’s that good days give us happiness and bad days give us experience. Modeling has enabled Keyla to be comfortable in her own skin and live the life she imagined long before Crohn’s was ever a part of who she was.