I can remember the moment vividly. Leaving a gastroenterologist appointment three months post-surgery and crying walking to get sushi with my husband on a chilly November day in the middle of the workday. When I walked into that clinic appointment, I was hopeful I would never need a biologic medicine again. We were planning to start trying for a family after our June wedding, but my doctor knocked me back to earth and told me my Crohn’s was too aggressive and I’d be setting myself up for disaster if I attempted going med-free.
The tears flowed. I felt like a failure. I worried about bringing babies into this world while on a heavy-duty drug and if my surgery would provide me with the remission I had never achieved the first ten years of having IBD. I was so upset my husband-to-be and I both called into work and took the rest of the day off. Over sushi we talked about our future family and my health. Everything seemed at our fingertips but out of reach at the same time. That was November 2015. Sometimes we don’t realize how far we’ve come unless we look in the rearview mirror.
Now July 2022, we’re gearing up to celebrate our third child’s first birthday (July 14). We had his first birthday party over the weekend. It’s been a surreal and incredible ride since that November day. I often find myself looking at my three children and still feeling surprised my body was able to create them and bring them safely into this world.
Knowing this is our last baby and the last “first” of everything is bittersweet and amazing all at once. I feel an immense sense of relief and comfort being at this stage and knowing I don’t need to count on my body to sustain life through pregnancy or breastfeeding anymore. I’ve made it an entire year exclusively breastfeeding and if you would have asked me if that would ever be possible a year ago, I would have said no way.
One of my fears is when my next flare will be and leaving my children for days on end while I’m in the hospital. While I know it’s a not a matter of if, but when, it puts me at ease that my children are almost out of the baby stage, and I can begin to explain my health struggles and why I may not always be like other moms. When my oldest was born I hoped to stay out of the hospital until he started walking. He starts kindergarten next month. I can only hope I stay flare-free until my other two are that old.
Learning as I went as a woman with IBD
When I think back to that November day and the tough love my GI professed, I’m so grateful I followed her lead and trusted her approach in managing my Crohn’s. Back then, I wasn’t a patient advocate. The only IBD mom I knew was my cousin’s wife. I navigated the waters of family planning and my first pregnancy all alone without much guidance. Each pregnancy I became more well versed on how to juggle IBD and family planning and everything that comes along with it, but I think back to how isolating and overwhelming it can feel when you dream of having a family, but don’t know how to make it happen when chronic illness is in the mix.
No one knows how their family will play out or if fertility or loss will be a part of their story. It’s sad how many women with IBD choose to be voluntary childless, not because they don’t want to be a mom, but because of the limitations of their IBD and overall well-being getting in the way. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t recognize how lucky I am that I “get” to be a mom. Not every day is wonderful, but even in the trenches as a stay-at-home IBD mom of three littles with almost no breaks, I do my best to remind myself of that day my husband and I got sushi and dreamed of living the life we are living today.
Take yourself back to the very first time you needed medical attention for your IBD (but didn’t know it yet). Close your eyes for a moment. Who was that person? Do you know them anymore? How have you changed and transformed since that life changing day?
I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease July 23, 2005, at age 21. I was blindsided by a chronic illness after growing up as a literal picture of health. A three-sport, in shape athlete, who had never even had an ear infection or been to an emergency room. As a recent college graduate, my world flipped upside down as I struggled to find my way in the real world.
Now, 17 years later, I can tell you firsthand what I, you, and so many others have endured on our patient journeys and how each experience (even the mundane) serves as monumental touchpoints for gaining independence and confidence in making you a more empowered and direct patient.
Let me paint the picture clearly for you
The first time you bravely laid in an emergency room bed and every time there after—not knowing the tests, pokes and probs, and physical scrutiny you were about to go through.
How it feels to be wheeled by a stranger through stark hallways to CT scans, MREs, and scopes, wondering what the results will be on the other side and the repercussions for more medications, a longer hospital stay, or surgery.
The difference a couple months makes–pre-diagnosis in May 2005 and 2 months after 60 mg of prednisone a dayand 22 pills a day.
What it’s like when you say goodbye to loved ones and they roll you into the OR and you’re shaking like a leaf, all alone and feeling frail and broken, alone with your thoughts and prayers.
The number of moments you’ve watched nurses and even rapid response nurses fumble with IV’s try after IV try and when it’s been more than five, you find your voice from that point forward and start only giving medical professionals two tries before it’s on to the next.
How it feels at the butt crack of dawn when the world is sleeping and the hospital is bustling, waking you abruptly to get more vitals and more labs and you lay alone, haggard, frustrated, and delirious.
The moment when your GI has a heart to heart with you about starting a biologic and having to determine for yourself what route is your preference—infusion or self-injection. Would you rather sit for hours hooked up to an IV drip or sit on your couch with your kids looking on as you inflict pain on yourself.
The times you’ve sat up in the middle of the night wide awake thanks to the prednisone kicking in while the rest of your world is asleep wondering if you’ll ever regain some semblance of control of life.
What it’s like trying to eat meals inconspicuously with your family while they not so subtly watch each bite and every trip to the bathroom with sadness and worry in their eyes.
How it felt driving to a first date or a job interview and feeling like your IBD is a dark secret looming over the conversation and not knowing when to take down your walls and share.
Listening to your friends make comments about health and energy without considering what your experience with a chronic, debilitating illness may be like since you look well on the outside.
What it feels like to look at your reflection in the hospital bathroom. Battered arms, sunken in eyes, a shell of who you used to be. But as soon as you walk out of the door, putting a soft smile on to protect your visitors from worry.
What it’s like to sit on an airplane or be on a road trip with others and silently worrying about whether you’ll be able to make it and what your game plan will be.
When you’re up in the middle of the night doing the second half of colonoscopy prep and wondering ‘why me’ in your 20s and 30s, feeling isolated in the physical, mental, and emotional anguish the process puts you through year after year.
What you’ve internalized each time someone dumbs down your IBD, offers up ridiculous remedies or goes into a discourse about their aunt’s brother’s cousin who “healed” their Crohn’s this way.
When you’ve waved the white flag and alerted family and friends that you needed help or to be seen in the hospital after doing as much fighting as you could against your own body.
The first time you bravely looked down at your incision and saw your body forever changed and came to see your scars as battle wounds.
Waking up each day not knowing what the next 10 minutes will feel like for you and getting after it anyway.
Not knowing if you’ll find your person, but meeting people and having the courage to share about your health issues, even if there are heartbreaks and disappointments along the way.
Deciding to have a baby and discussing family planning, despite all the what ifs and becoming a parent because that’s what you hoped for prior to your IBD.
Landing that dream job with your IBD in your back pocket, not letting the detours stop you from finding the path you were meant to go on.
Celebrate the independence you’ve discovered
The list goes on and on! No matter how old you are when diagnosed with IBD, in that moment we are robbed of our naivety and thoughts of invincibility, and we’re forced to go on a lifelong war and conquest. Our bodies no longer feel like ours. Our dreams feel in disarray. Our people may change and not be who you thought they were. Our hearts may break, but like a phoenix this disease can build you up just as much as it breaks you down.
The reprieve of remission, while not perfect or without symptoms has enabled me to breathe and regain my grounding. In 2015, after three back-to-back bowel obstructions and 18 inches of my small intestine, Meckel’s diverticulum, and appendix removed, there was only one way to go and that was up.
Give yourself grace. Celebrate the independence you’ve discovered that you may not be able to have realized until you’re years out like it took me. And when you’re in the hospital, in for a routine clinic visit or for labs, taking your meds and balancing every daily decision against how it will make your IBD feel, you’ll come to realize what you take on and all you accomplish every day just to survive and thrive, makes you something special. While you may feel dependent on others—and the support of caretakers and a support system can’t be understated, neither can the endless strength that lies within you.
Chronic illness forces you to wear many hats and approach life in ways you never thought possible. One of those hats is being an investigative journalist or sleuth. Each time something starts going awry with our health we immediately start the mental gymnastics about what could be going on and if the symptoms are linked to our IBD.
I find that even though my Crohn’s has been in remission since August 2015, that the next flare always looms in a cloud of worry when I’m not feeling my best.
This past week I experienced this firsthand when my eyes both started twitching nonstop, along with headaches. I started thinking about what I could have done to trigger this bodily response. Was it Crohn’s related? Hormonal from breastfeeding weening? A mineral deficiency? A problem with my eyes or vision? Sleep deprivation or stress? The laundry list of possibilities and worries weighed heavily on me. After consulting with my GI, OB, and having an appointment with my eye doctor, I learned the eye twitching was a result of allergies. I now do eye drops once a day to help. It was such a relief to get an answer and physically be able to do something to make myself feel better.
When you notice an uptick in IBD symptoms or health issues in general how do you get to the bottom of what’s going on?
Here are my top tips for getting answers:
•Be proactive. Don’t let things fester and let your anxiety get the best of you.
•Take physical notes, not just mental ones. As the hours turn to days it can be difficult to remember when symptoms began and if they progressed. Keep a simple log of what is happening, how often, the severity, etc.
•Reach out to care providers early and often. Send a quick message on the patient portal informing your GI about what is going on. With IBD, I find it helpful to always loop my gastroenterologist in since so many issues are often related to Crohn’s.
•Be seen. If symptoms don’t resolve in 3-5 days, it’s a good idea to be seen in person or at least a telehealth appointment. You can always get on the books and cancel an appointment if you start to feel better.
•Try not to Google too much. While this is always tempting and can feel like a quick way of gaining understanding, it also can lead to going down a dangerous rabbit hole of what ifs that possibly aren’t even relevant.
•Listen to your gut. You know when something feels off. Don’t drown out how your body is speaking to you through symptoms.
•Practice mindfulness and calming exercises. It’s not unusual to feel up against a wall or like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back with chronic illness. Remember to breathe. Take a walk outside to clear your head. Do all you can to rest your mind from stresses that can trigger your IBD.
I get how exhausting it is to constantly feel at odds with your body and worry about what could be going on. Suffering in silence and not communicating health challenges only sets you back from feeling your best. Be mindful of how you feel each day and feel empowered by collaborating with your care team and giving them all the necessary intel to have the full picture when figuring out your health story past and present.
Stay tuned for a special discussion on IBDLyfe, Wednesday June 29, 2022, at 1 pm CT about “How to Be Your Own Best Advocate in a Provider Setting.” I’ll be speaking alongside fellow patient advocate, Tina Aswani Omprakash. Register here.
Fatherhood looks differently when you have a chronic illness. Finding a partner, family planning, decision making, and parenting are all impacted when you have IBD. This week on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s we hear from several men around the world. Whether they are preparing to start a family or have adult children, you’ll hear firsthand accounts about how their Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis has shaped who they are as men and as dads.
London Harrah, a 31-year-old dad in California, was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in April 2016. He says IBD has impacted fatherhood in different ways and presented unique challenges. He’s grateful for the endless support his family has given him, making him feel comfortable to openly share about the struggles.
“Prior to my surgery and ostomy, my ulcerative colitis heavily impacted my parenting role. I had to shape my entire day around my ability to have close access to a restroom. Now after surgery, I have had a lot more freedom and a heightened quality of life. I am now able to partake in a lot more activities without my condition hindering me. I also feel like being an IBD dad makes me stronger because I look at parenting as an opportunity to set an example for my son on how to deal with adversity,” said London.
He says IBD has instilled a profound sense of empathy in his 13-year-old son because he has not only witnessed his dad go through the ups and downs of chronic illness, but London has also shared other peoples’ stories from the patient community with him as well.
“Some people ask me for advice on how I navigate different topics in life, and I share many of those stories with my son so he can understand different things that are actually happening in the real world and paint a picture of what some people have to deal with, that may not be visible on the surface.”
London says his son has been through this journey with him since day one. He can still remember when he first started experiencing symptoms and he knew something was wrong and trying to explain that to his child.
“He watched me spend hours in the restroom and was there for me as much as he could. I have always felt open and able to talk to him about this topic, more than anyone else.”
London sees his ostomy as a great learning opportunity for his son.
“As a dad, having an ostomy is kind of a great experience to have because of all the life lessons and teaching opportunities that it creates when raising children. You learn a lot about yourself during this journey and it allows for a lot of realization about the important things in life, which are all transferable when raising our children.”
Brandon Gorge of Michigan has five-year-old and two-year-old sons. Diagnosed with ulcerative colitis freshman year of college in 2003, he’s grateful his IBD was under control for 11 years while on Remicade/Inflectra infusions and now Stelara for the last year and a half.
“My sons wake up early and I love to wake up with them, have breakfast and play before getting the day started. With their ages, my biggest challenge is having to run to the bathroom while my wife is still sleeping. I used to have to wake her up to cover for me, but now they’ll play while I’m in the bathroom or come in with me. I tend to schedule doctor appointments and lab work early in the morning. Making sure my wife knows my morning plan is important so she can schedule accordingly, and we can make sure the boys are set for the morning/day.”
Brandon credits his wife for being a great listener and support.
“She comes with me to colonoscopies and to Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation events. My parents are still a huge support as they helped me find the right doctor when I was diagnosed with UC a week before moving out of state for freshman year of college and continue to be a sounding board for my UC. They’re also involved with the CCF because of me.”
His older son broke his arm when he was four and has been extremely interested in how the human body works and heals. Brandon and his wife found a YouTube video series called “Operation Ouch” by two British doctors. One video they stumbled on is about a girl with IBD.
“He said it wasn’t interesting because he couldn’t see her booboo. I explained to him that some people have booboos that you can’t see, and I have the same one as the girl in the video. He knows I go to the “tush” doctor regularly; they take pictures inside my body – and I’ve showed him the pictures, I give myself shots, and getting a shot is no big deal. Talking about the bathroom is very normal in our family!”
Brian Greenberg of New York was diagnosed with IBD when he was 11 years old, he’s now 39. He says juggling and finding a balance for all things in life is difficult. Between being a husband, a father, and then having a career, and managing chronic illness on top of general health, it’s a lot.
“My family is amazing. My wife knows there are nights where I have to tap out, and she understands when this happens. My family and her family have also been supportive that it took me a little longer to settle into being a dad and learning how to add everything it comes with to my 24/7 job of being a Spoonie. But their patience has paid off and I feel like after a few months of being a father, I found my stride.”
As an ostomate with a 17-month-old daughter, Brian says while she still has no idea what she’s seeing, him and his wife have started the education process with the books “Awesome Ollie” and “Ollie the Bear.”
“It’s teaching her that after some challenges and the fact I’m a little different now, I’m still capable of so much, which I hope to show her one day.”
Trying for a family as a man with IBD
Brad Watson-Davelaar of Canada got married earlier this year and now him and his wife are hopeful to start their family. Brad was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2001 at age 17. Since then, he’s never been in remission.
“I used to be worried about having kids since my IBD has never been stable. Since meeting my wife five years ago, I’ve learned that she and I together are a wonderful team. I’m very much all in for kids. Being an uncle really solidified my desire to be a dad. We’ve been trying for two months and we’re hoping my wife is pregnant by the end of the year, which is a big ask as I’m preparing to go in for a laparoscopic right hemicolectomy with abdominal-perianal resection transanal total mesorectal excision with permanent colotomy later this year. I don’t know how my mental and physical state will be afterward.”
Brad and his wife have talked about the possibility of their children having IBD, but both agreed that if that is the case, they will 150% be there as a support and advocate for our children, something he lacked in his own health journey.
“We’ve also talked about how I will be a stay-at-home dad, as I’ve been on disability for a large majority of my adult life. I know there will be rough points where I will feel like utter garbage and just not feel like being there. But I know even if I let myself get to that point, my wife will be there to help. We’re making sure to move ourselves to where we will have a good support system if anything happens. Having a strong partner makes it easier to be ready and excited for what the future holds.”
With everything going on in the world, Brad says it’s a bit daunting to become a dad.
“I’ve been doing my research. I really want to make sure to do the right things. I treat the prospect of fatherhood much like I manage my IBD. Lots of research and staying open to change. I am so excited to be a father though. I feel like it’s what I need in my life.”
Reflecting on how IBD changes through each parenting season
Alistar Kennedy of the UK was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2000. Now as a 49-year-old married father of two he’s able to reflect on how his IBD journey has impacted fatherhood and family.
“When you have a chronic illness your energy and time are limited. Having children can be exhausting and all-consuming even without health issues. The biggest challenge I found when my children were very young was coping with their boundless energy, their desire to be active, and trying to enjoy outdoor play. Active IBD can be a big issue in those circumstances, fatigue was a real struggle, but also the need to keep near to facilities in case you need them. This meant solo parenting was hard, but good planning and an understanding partner made the normal things achievable. Also, as the kids grew, they became more aware of what was needed from them. Empathy and adjustment to surroundings.”
Speaking of empathy, Alistar says his kids are both very aware of his IBD and how it’s impacted their family.
“My kids have grown up knowing I might have a day when I’m unable to do things due to fatigue or have to make a dash to facilities. Being open and honest with them from an early age has given them a broader understanding of the struggles a lot of families have. They are both very caring individuals. As a family, we are flexible and everyone understands that, sometimes plans must change. We make the most of the good days.”
Since being diagnosed, Alistar sees great promise for the future of IBD treatment and care in the years ahead.
“Medication, treatment plans, the role of diet, and the importance of mental wellbeing has advanced dramatically in the last 20-plus years. I see far more hope from the future about what this disease will mean for all of us and how it will or won’t dictate our lives. If you want to start a family and enjoy everything that can bring, you can. It won’t change the fact teenagers can’t load a dishwasher properly! I’m very proud of the fact that I did the school pick up and drop off for 10 years solid without either child getting a single late mark!”
Dan Bradley of the UK recalls how differently IBD impacted his role as a dad when his children were younger.
“My youngest child is 17, so I don’t feel like my IBD affects my children in a big way. When I was diagnosed 8 years ago it created a huge challenge with being a dad and dealing with the lethargy and fatigue. It was a struggle to be able to do my day-to-day activities and be there for the wants and needs of my children since they were too young to understand my illness and what I was going through as a parent during that time.”
He feels his disease helped shape who his children grew up to be as they enter adulthood.
“I like to think my children were brought up to offer empathy to others, but my IBD has certainly given them a deeper understanding about stomas and the complications that can arise with chronic illness. There’s nothing like telling your 16-year-old daughter she needs to get out of the bathroom quickly when she is trying to get ready for a night out!
Thomas Fowler of New York was first diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2004 when he was 30 years old, then three years later he found out he had Crohn’s. Since he was first diagnosed, he’s undergone more than 25 surgeries and currently deals with anal fistulas. He says life as an IBD dad is about finding your “new normal” and that it helped him to have a decade of life with IBD prior to taking the plunge into parenting.
“We talk about Crohn’s all the time, so my kids accept me as I am because they don’t know Daddy without Crohn’s. I sense that they know when I’m having a bad day or flare. I tend to shutdown socially and don’t talk as much. Fatigue is my number one battle in life. I don’t mind the bathroom trips as much or the daily pain, it’s the fatigue. It’s the one symptom that I can’t fight.”
Recently, Thomas says his latest challenge with IBD and fatherhood is juggling his Crohn’s with his son’s baseball season.
“I am not able to eat dinner before baseball practice/games. My son 100% understands why. And sometimes my son will ask to go and get ice cream after a game, and I say I can’t because Daddy has to get home and eat real food first. Sometimes that means eating at almost 9 pm. Which presents another issue in and of itself, because if I eat that late, I automatically know I’m going to be up several times during that night to use the bathroom.”
Why men with IBD tend to stay silent
As an IBD mom of three myself, I’m aware in my extensive advocacy work how our patient community is predominately made of female voices and experiences. For many years, the male experience has been lacking and is often difficult to find.
“Men are conditioned not to share their detailed emotions. Often told to ’suck it up’ and just get on with it. Sharing can make you feel vulnerable and fragile to our peers, so we avoid it. It shouldn’t because it’s incredibly empowering and rewarding. I was diagnosed pre-social media and at the time, advice, and information available online was vague, confusing, and often misleading. It felt very lonely to have IBD back then. Being part of an online community has been game changing. Men struggle to engage and verbalize in this space though, but they are there. Personally, I’m very facts and evidence driven, so the advocacy space must reflect that,” said Alistar.
“We’re taught at an early age that we’re supposed to be tough. That we shouldn’t be sick or show any weakness. That stereotype is slowly being broken as men are learning that even our health can change in a moment, and it’s okay to be vulnerable,” Brian explained.
“I co-chair the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation’s Detroit Young Professional Group. One of my co-chairs is also a dad. Our group is evenly split between men and women. Before I became involved with the group, I never participated in any type of group for support or advocacy. I think a lot of men (and people with IBD) need to learn how to advocate for themselves with insurance and their medical team before they advocate and help others,” said Brandon.
Dan said, “I think it’s a typical man thing. IBD is not talked about. Some of the symptoms that come with IBD, in particular going to the bathroom, can be seen as a taboo subject. I do feel this is changing and more awareness is getting out there. In the UK, we have recently had a couple of “famous” people raise awareness which has been fantastic.”
“I think in the society we live in today makes it harder for men to be vulnerable with their feelings. In my situation, even I still struggle sometimes talking about certain topics with new people. I do however acknowledge the difficulty and try to work through it,” said London.
Advice for future IBD dads-to-be
Whether you’re in the throes of trying for a baby or if you’re a parent and your child has IBD, and you worry about his future and what it will hold in regards to fatherhood—here’s some amazing advice to guide you and show you all that’s possible.
“There are always more good days than bad. Having children is a wonderful, if very tiring, gift. They change you for the better and help you to grow as a person. Getting my IBD under control has been incredibly challenging, but we’ve done all the things normal families do. Be open and honest with your partner about your fears, priorities self-care and mental wellbeing. Talk and share your feelings to your family and friends. Don’t be hard on yourself. Take naps! The best advice as an active parent is always that good up-front planning and working as a team is essential,” said Alistar.
“Talk to your gastroenterologist to ease any fears about the effects of medicines or worsening IBD, develop a treatment plan, and revisit that plan before a flare gets out of control and affects you being able to be there for your kids,” said Brandon.
“I would tell fellow men not to let IBD stop them from becoming a dad! They are very well capable of having a healthy child, but it starts with them taking initiative and becoming healthy (mentally/physically) themselves before-hand,” said London.
Brian said, “Becoming a father with a chronic illness like IBD is scary. I wasn’t sure how it was going to work, how I’d be able to adjust to everything I was about to add onto life, or where would I find the energy. But you find answers to all those things because the love your heart is filled with carries you through so much, and it’s more important than anything else in life to find a way.”
“Don’t hesitate to start a family. There will never be a “perfect” time to have a kid with this disease. Don’t set goals like, I’ll start a family when I’m 2 years symptom free, or when I don’t have a surgery for 3 consecutive years. You will always have issues for the rest of your life. The only hard part I had was when my kids were newborn through toddler age and I had them by myself away from the house. You get very creative with bathroomn visits. I would use the diaper changing tables and strap my kids in and let them use my phone for distractions so I could use the bathroom. You become a logistical genius when leaving your house. Being a dad is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. And a hug from your kid is better than any medicine money can buy when you are having Crohn’s related issues,” said Thomas.
“There is no reason on earth to allow your IBD to stop you from becoming a dad if that’s what you want to be. Go for it. Be open so everyone knows where you stand. With the right medication and treatment plan in place, there really isn’t anything you will be stopped from doing. I enjoy long bike rides, long walks with the dog, and a pub lunch after reffing my kids football games. I have flown with an ostomy without issue. If you think you may have IBD, don’t ignore your symptoms. See a doctor and get yourself on the path to treatment so you can live life as fully as possible,” said Dan
Saturday my husband and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. Special milestones like this tend to make us all reminisce about the past, present, and the future. When you live with IBD many of those memories and the current reality are from flare ups, hospitalizations, procedures, recoveries, and simply navigating the day to day. While Bobby has been a part of my life for nine years (next month!), I spent the first eight years living with Crohn’s disease, without him—in my 20s.
During those eight years I experienced many heartbreaks and disappointments when it came to trying to find my person. To give you the cliff notes version—my boyfriend who I was dating when I was diagnosed never visited me during a week-long hospital stay and broke up with me while I was in a wheelchair over the phone after getting discharged and going into my parent’s car. Then, I dated a guy who refused to drive 3 hours when I was hospitalized for an abscess the size of a tennis ball in my small intestine, because “gas prices were too expensive” (can you imagine how he’s handling the prices now, HA!) and he wanted to go fishing. Another moment that makes me shake my head to this day is when I had to cancel a first date because I was doubled over in pain on the bathroom floor and was heading to the ER and he texted me that it was a poor excuse and laughed at me.
While I could have seen my Crohn’s disease as a scarlet letter and settled with a person who clearly didn’t have a genuine heart, I used my IBD to guide my decision making and it brought me to the relationship and the person I was meant to be with.
So, while I was out to dinner over the weekend looking across the table at my husband and the man I have three kids with—a man who has taken my disease journey and everything that’s come along with it in stride, I not only felt an immense sense of gratitude but also want you to know that your disease can give you superhuman clarity when it comes to helping you weed through the people who aren’t your person. This week on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s a close look at love and relationships and the tremendous support our romantic partners are, while also speaking to those who are single and struggling to see themselves as anything but a burden. I hope this article shows you the incredible relationships so many of us in the IBD community have been able to have, despite our disease—and remind you that you are worthy of all that love has to offer. Your disease does not make you less than. You deserve the same respect, consideration, compassion, and unconditional love as everyone else.
How does your partner go above and beyond?
I tapped into our community on Instagram and asked: “How does your partner support you?” By reading the countless messages it just goes to show, it is possible to find a partner who sees you for more than your IBD. Someone who loves you for all of you:
“Taking care of the house, speaking up for me at appointments, fighting insurance when I can’t anymore, and listening to me.”
“Knows what I can and cannot eat and makes sure there’s food available that I can tolerate.”
“I’ve got a winner, there’s too many things to type in this small box! Will make a late-night food run because of my limited options with a flare or let me pick a meal. Shows support by driving me to colonoscopies, even if it means missing work.”
“They listen when I “complain” and offer solutions when I don’t feel well.”
“Attends most of my doctor appointments with me.”
“When I’m ill he takes over with our son and cleaning, orders takeout, and rubs my back.”
“Encouraging me to rest, especially to flare and then taking care of the house and baby.”
“Dealing with insurance and appointment scheduling so I can focus on other stuff.”
“I could go on forever but knowing my needs even when I don’t want to ask for help.”
“Helps me believe good days are coming. Asked, “where are we going on our next adventure?” while walking me around the hospital unit. Listens. Is present. Helps without being asked. Considerate. Kind. Empathetic.”
“He takes on more responsibility around the house when I’m not feeling well and comforts me!”
“By listening, learning, laughing, and trusting me.”
“Ricky is my rock. He is steadfast and always levelheaded.”
“He takes care of the kids and keeps the household running when I’m out of commission.”
“Understands the importance of rest, diet, low stress, and medications.”
“He got a Crohn’s and Colitis shirt and wears it on my bad days or procedure days to show support.”
“My husband doesn’t “do sick” well. He has never been sick since I met him 10 years ago. So, it was very hard for me during my first flare up as his wife. He did not tolerate me being sick at all. He kept telling me not to “identify” with the illness and manifest good health. At the time it was torture. I felt so alone and didn’t feel any compassion from him. He is a “mind over matter” person and has been helping me manifest a strong, healthy body. He supports us by living a very healthy lifestyle. He gets me up every morning to work out with him, no holistic treatment is too expensive. He is giving. Sacrifices everything for his family. Even though he is different from me, I’m forever grateful for his approach because I have never been healthier!”
“When I’m in a flare he takes care of the kids and cleaning so I can rest and not stress while I’m sick. Helps me feel comfortable and confident managing my Crohn’s.”
“In ever way. He never asks more of me than I can give at that moment.”
“Being by my side before I even have to ask.”
“He’s my cheerleader on injection days!”
“He understands if I need to stop driving often.”
“Does more than his share of chores. Eats safe food dinners with me. Hugs me when I cry and so much more!!!”
“My husband is truly a miracle. Diagnosed as newlyweds, never in remission. His thoughtful intentionality and his presence make me so proud and lucky. I couldn’t do this without him.”
Fears about finding your person
Now on the contrary, those who are single and struggling to find their match may hesitate to put themselves out there for many reasons. Chronic illness and love can be overwhelming. I asked the following question on Instagram: What worries you about love and IBD?”:
“They will not accept my permanent ostomy and think it’s gross.”
“Thinking I’m less fun because I don’t want to go out as much and need to rest more.”
“Feeling less than. Who wants to deal with going IBD/fibromyalgia? ☹”
“Honestly, everything…like how and will they truly be there at my worst.”
“Being considered too much baggage!”
“Why would someone choose to love someone who’s sick all the time?”
“That my husband would get tired of my lifestyle and not feeling well all the time and leave.”
“That they won’t accept my ostomy—how long do I wait to tell them? It’s hard.”
“How to tell someone when you first start dating. Men not wanting to deal with it.”
“Fearful I won’t have the energy to keep up with activities, dates, etc.”
“My wedding day—how I will feel! I’m far from that stage of life, but I worry about this often.”
“It’s hard enough to find a man, let alone one that can handle IBD life.”
“That I won’t be accepted. I’ve had to get dentures because of Crohn’s.”
“They won’t accept me for my disease, and I will be a burden to them because I’m sick.”
“That someone will get tired of dealing with my health issues. That I will burden them too much.”
“I worry about rejection and being a burden to a potential partner.”
“I’m not single, but my biggest fear is one day my spouse will wake up and realize this isn’t the life he wants and that taking care of me is too big of a sacrifice. That he’s run out of energy to give and needs to take care of himself (do what makes him happy). I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
…
Woah. How heartbreaking and relatable are those comments?! First, I want you to read an article I wrote awhile back that addresses the term “burden” as it relates to love and IBD. While it can be incredibly intimidating to share the fact you have IBD and everything that comes along with your personal case (scars, ostomy, flaring, need for hardcore medications, etc.), it’s all a part of you and if someone you are dating is going to pass judgement or be “turned off” by that, I’m telling you now RUN FOR THE FREAKIN’ HILLS. As you date, don’t settle for anyone who makes you feel guilty for something that’s completely out of your control. Let your IBD shine a bright light on someone’s true colors. Same goes for friendships. In the moment it can be shocking to see who is there and who is not, many people will surprise you—and not in a good way, but take that intel and keep your inner circle made up of people who you can trust implicitly and be yourself completely with.
When it comes to disclosing—you’ll know when the moment is right. For me, I told my husband on our third date while we were out to lunch. You don’t have to get into the nitty gritty, just put it out there—a high level explanation—and let them ask questions. In that moment you will be able to gauge their interest. Bobby didn’t bat an eye. To this day he reminds me I’m a healthy person, aside from my intestines. Don’t wait too long to share about your IBD so you don’t invest time and energy if they aren’t going to be worth it. If you’re lying in a hospital bed and feeling neglected or alone as you face serious health complications, it’s time to take a serious look at what you want and what you need in a relationship. I promise you will not regret breaking up with someone who makes your life and emotions complicated.
I can still remember crying in my parent’s bedroom after being diagnosed with Crohn’s and dealing with a breakup during the same week. I was 21. It felt like my world was crashing and burning. I wish I could hug that girl and tell her not to worry and that she’d be a happily married mom of three kids who rose above and didn’t settle. Love and IBD doesn’t have to be scary, it’s something really special.
When something traumatic happens—like the mass shooting in Uvalde that left 19 children and two adults dead last week, the stress, sadness, and overwhelming grief can cause IBD to spiral out of control. You are not alone if the heavy nature of what’s happening in the world causes your mind to race and your GI symptoms to be amplified. As May (Maternal Mental Health month) comes to an end, a look at how we can best navigate these emotions and how our thoughts impact the gut-brain connection.
Looming threat of flares and violence
With the constant news cycle that bombards us, added into our reliance on social media, and seeing everyone’s opinions and posts, it’s the perfect storm for feeling suffocated by sadness. Life with IBD, whether you are in remission or not, is living with the looming thought of when your next flare or hospitalization is going to be. You know in your heart of hearts that it’s not a matter of if, but when your IBD is going to rear its ugly head. These days with violence happening left and right, it’s a challenge not to wonder and worry when you’re out in public if you’re going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time or if your children are in harm’s way.
The anxiety of worrying about the “what if” and the pain of grieving can often correlate to actual physical pain in our bodies that are already fighting an uphill battle. It’s difficult to try and make sense of what’s going on in the world. It’s impossible to try and wrap your brain around how people can be so evil. As a mom, I found myself crying putting each of my kids to sleep last week. Snuggling them a little longer. Worrying about their wellbeing and praying as hard as I could over them.
As a former news anchor and journalist, I vividly recall the moment the news of Sandy Hook broke. I was standing in the newsroom, about to head out to the studio to anchor the Midday show, when the heartbreaking news came over the newsfeed. It was incomprehensible then and it’s even worse now as a mom of three. I have only been able to watch the news in short snippets right now because I felt like the sadness of it all was consuming me in an unhealthy way. There’s a guilt that comes with trying to tune out the coverage and feeling like you’re not giving the reality of other peoples’ heartbreak the attention it deserves, while trying to protect your own mental state and heart.
Dr. Lindsay Hallett (Zimmerman), PsyD, is a clinical psychologist in Indiana. Here is her advice for coping:
Give yourself half the grace you give to others. This can make a significant difference in your overall well-being and stress level.
Reach out. If connection feels like what you truly need, enlist a friend or relative. The higher the level of personal connection, the better- seeing a friend is preferable to FaceTime, a phone call is preferable to texting, etc. But also, any connection is better than none.
Make time to move. Time is a premium to everyone and even 15 minutes will do. Listen to your body and give it what it needs – stretching, a walk, an intense workout, gardening… any kind of movement that respects your body’s own capabilities.
Give yourself permission to check out. If everything feels to be “too much,” avoidance can be healthy. Communicate healthy boundaries with others that you can’t talk about topic XYZ right now.
Seek therapy. Your emotional house doesn’t have to be “on fire” to benefit. Ask your primary care doctor, contact your insurance company, or research PsychologyToday.com to find a therapist. In-person with occasional virtual supplementation is best, but online therapy platforms can be helpful if you aren’t having luck otherwise.
Give yourself permission to unplug and stop doom scrolling. While there is no “right way” to cope with traumatic events like what happened in Uvalde and so many times before, give yourself permission to feel whatever complex emotions you are experiencing while also giving yourself space and time to take breaks and turns off screens. When you have IBD, being cognizant of what triggers you and recognizing how your symptoms speak to you, can allow you to stay one step ahead of the game in managing your illness. Focus on what’s tangible, what’s right in front of you, and what you are able to control.
This blog post is sponsored by Wave Health. Thoughts and information shared are my own.
What started as an app designed for cancer patients in 2019, now spans more than 250 chronic health conditions, including inflammatory bowel disease. Wave Health is a free, easy-to-use, comprehensive tool that empowers patients to use their daily health data in practical and effective ways, while enabling those in our community to be more involved in their care and treatment decisions. This week on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s a look at the story behind how Wave Health came to be what it is today and how the app can be a transformative tool in how you take on your IBD.
Hear what Claudia Zhao, the Marketing and User Engagement lead at Wave, has to say about the inspiration behind their mission.
“Wave Health App was inspired by a personal patient experience. In 2013, one of Wave’s founding partners was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. During his treatment, Ric’s partner, Matt (now the CEO of Wave Health) began to record extensive data by hand — things like his diet, hydration, exercise, mental engagement — anything that might impact the side effects Ric faced during his chemo and drug therapy. With this information, they were able to provide their doctor with real-time, individualized information, and identify relationships between what Ric was doing and the side effects he was experiencing. Protocols were shifted and Ric began to feel better,” said Claudia.
Matt transformed his data analytics system into chemoWave, an app for cancer patients like Ric. Soon, they realized that anyone with a chronic illness would benefit from a health management and insights tool like chemoWave, and they created Wave Health App.
“Wave’s mission is simple: to help every patient take control of their own journey. Wave serves to empower patients to use their everyday data in ways that allow them to be better partners with their care team and ultimately improve their at-home and treatment decisions.”
What sets Wave apart from other IBD-related apps
Most IBD-related apps focus on tracking symptoms and a few other activities such as meals, bowel movements, and medications. Wave Health is different in that it serves as an all-in-one health diary.
“In addition to the more obvious activities to track in IBD management, Wave also lets you track vitals, sleep, menstruation, and even mindfulness activities like meditation and breathing. Wave then gives you personal insights, not only about your symptoms, but also about what’s impacting your moods and wellbeing. Wave helps you manage your IBD-related symptoms, but it also acts as your overall health companion.”
Having a companion to help guide the way you manage and treat your IBD can help ease the isolating nature of our disease. Often life gets busy, and we forget how much our Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis takes a toll on our day-to-day activities. It’s easy to generalize or downplay the struggle when it comes time to share how you’re feeling to your care team. Wave takes that guesswork out of picture and is a win-win for everyone involved.
A systemic review out of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center recently found the app to be the highest rated symptom and PRO tracker for cancer patients.
“This speaks to the fact that Wave is easy-to-use, while also providing real, tangible benefits to the patient journey. In addition to being rated the highest overall PRO tracking app, Wave also received the highest individual scores for both engagement and aesthetics, two very important pillars for any type of user experience. Since the review in 2020, Wave has also done a complete UI/UX redesign. With a more intuitive interface and new features that make health tracking even easier, the experience of using Wave is only getting better,” explained Claudia.
How Wave expanded beyond the cancer community
Beginning exclusively as a cancer app, Wave was expanded to serve all chronic illnesses because of the underlying challenges that patients face regardless of their specific health issue.
“The nature of most treatments is that they are standardized — protocols shift only after periods of trial and error. Wave identifies relationships effectively and quickly, so that treatments can be tweaked, and side effects can be alleviated or avoided more promptly.”
Another key focus of Wave is on filling the gap between doctor’s visits. Most of the patient experience occurs at home, not in the doctor office, and currently there is no sufficient system or way for patients to easily report their symptoms and other outcomes during these critical periods.
“Wave helps patients fill in their care team, whether it’s about how their symptoms have been improving or how many days they’ve missed their medications. With a comprehensive record of patients’ daily and treatment activities, doctors have a more complete picture of the patient and their journey and are enabled to make more-informed decisions from there.”
Wave can help anyone
You also don’t have to be “chronically ill” to use Wave and see its benefits. Tracking and getting Wave’s A.I. insights can help anyone improve how they feel. Wave is a health management tool for anyone looking to take control.
“The app empowers patients to take control of their own journey. Just by harnessing their own daily health data, they can get powerful information into what helps them feel better or worse and then adjust their at-home activities to optimize their wellbeing. Second, Wave helps patients communicated better with their doctors on what they’re experiencing between visits. Patients can share/email their logged data directly through the app, or they can receive easily shareable Wave Pro PDF reports,” said Claudia.
How Wave Pro Works and a 6-month FREE discount code
The reports summarize a patient’s important health data and insights from the week, allowing them to see both short-term and long-term trends and changes. Users can download these reports and bring them into their doctor’s visits. Wave Pro is available through a monthly ($10.99) or annual ($54.99) subscription, with a free 30-day trial at sign-up.
Enter the code LIGHTS right away at sign-up and receive 6 months of FREE Wave Pro reports.
This week I was feeding my 9-month-old a smoothie in his highchair before I had to run to grab my older two from preschool. I realized it was an injection day, so I figured I would do my shot while the baby was in the highchair to get it out of the way. It seemed like no big deal in the moment. But as I sat there and saw the baby food next to my Humira on the kitchen table I started thinking about how life as an IBD mom may feel normal to us, but what we do each day goes above and beyond.
Then my mind started wondering. I thought about how I had taken my oldest to his outdoor fieldtrip last week and refrained from having my morning coffee or eating breakfast so I could curb my Crohn’s from causing me problems. I thought about how my 3-year-old is so intuitive if she thinks I’m in pain, she grabs my belly and pretends to put the pain into her belly, telling me “I love you mama, take a breath.”
Take a breath. Boy oh boy do mothers in general need to stop and take that advice or what? Motherhood whether you have IBD or not is the most beautiful, exhausting, and rewarding challenge. No matter what season you are in it comes with triumphs and challenges it comes with happy tears and sad ones, too. It’s a constant game of trying to manage your emotions and tap into your patience, or whatever is left of it each day. We come to forget that we are also growing up in many ways, just as our kids do.
Motherhood and IBD is a balance of wanting to be all the things but knowing that at any given moment your body can throw your life and plans upside down. There are unspoken limitations.
It’s silently worrying and praying what will happen to your family if you go down and end up in the hospital.
It’s trying to stand tall when all you may want to do is rest on the couch.
It’s seeing your children thrive and feeling so much pride you constantly feel like you can cry tears of joy at any moment.
It’s getting scared when your little one randomly says their tummy hurts.
It’s knowing that your disease robbed you of a great deal—physically, mentally, emotionally, but it didn’t rob you of the greatest gift of all, being a mom.
It’s recognizing all that is still possible, even with this grueling disease.
It’s showing up each day, not only for yourself but for your family.
It’s taking the pain and feel-good days and focusing on one moment in time that feels slow but is going by in a flash.
Take a breath. You deserve it. We weren’t meant to mother alone. Lean on your village. Voice your struggles. Cry if you want to cry. But also, don’t put yourself to unattainable expectations. You have a chronic illness and you’re a mom. Don’t push yourself to the brink. Some days will be adventure-filled, others will be spent on the couch—and that’s OK. Your children are learning from you and gaining innate intuition, and that’s a gift. They’re witnessing that health is not something to be taken for granted. They’re watching you even when you think they are not. What may feel mundane to you, is not. As an IBD mom you are juggling countless extra balls in the air that healthy mothers don’t have to think about. Give yourself credit where credit is due and take a breath.
Moving away for school. A future career. Relationships. Discovering your identity. Switching from a pediatric IBD care team to adult providers. All while living with a chronic illness. This is the stark reality for young adults living with Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis. Juggling all these major life milestones and having to get acclimated to new physicians while taking the lead on disease management is often met with anxiety and worry from young patients, their parents, and caregivers. IBD is a family disease. Even if only one person in the household personally lives with the issue, the disease impacts each person.
This week on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s we hear from patients and caregivers who have lived through the experience and from pediatric GI’s about how best families can be supported through the changes to make them as seamless as possible for everyone involved.
Input from those who have made the switch
Aging out of pediatric doctors can be a stressful time for everyone involved. Let’s start with input from those with IBD who have made the switch along with what some parents and caregivers had to say.
Start researching doctors early. Do your homework and see what insurance providers accept and what hospitals they are affiliated with.
Ask your current pediatric doctors for recommendations/referrals.
Before the first visit make sure the adult GI has received copies of medical records.
Have healthcare proxy and power of attorney papers on file.
“I just turned 20, but I’m still in pediatrics and plan on staying until I graduate from college, as that is the norm at my hospital. However, as an adult in peds, I found it important to have healthcare proxy and power of attorney papers on file so my mom can still help me and if something were to happen like while I’m away at school she is able to get information. I broke my arm this past fall and my body went into such shock that I couldn’t give the hospital any information. My friends were with me and contacted my mom, but because I was 19, the hospital couldn’t even confirm to her that I was in the building. This was a wake-up call. We started thinking about, “what if this was my IBD?” and decided it was necessary to have the papers on file just in case. I still ask my mom to be involved in my care, but we both have the understanding that I have the final say.”- Anna
Navigating the switch through college
Heidi was diagnosed with Crohn’s when she was 9. She’s now 41. When she reflects on the transition from a pediatric doctor to one who treats adults, she recalls the process being fairly simple and a change she welcomed with open arms.
“The best thing was being talked to directly and my opinions mattered more in my later teenage years with the new doctor. Of course, my parents had my best interests at heart, but appointments were so frustrating as a young girl. Another reason for the seamless transition was that my new doctors were amazing. I switched at 18 and then again at 22 when I graduated college and moved away from home. My care team listened to me and saved my life. I know I’m lucky to have found such a wonderful team of doctors.”
Katie wishes there had been a support group (even online) for teenagers back when she was phased into an adult GI. She says when she was diagnosed with IBD at age 15, she often felt uncomfortable discussing her symptoms and didn’t feel her pediatric GI was that great with kids.
“I felt detached from my GI until I was in my 20s and had the confidence to advocate for myself. I was so lost and refused to tell classmates what was wrong with me for fear of being made fun of. I ended up missing so much school I decided to drop out, get my GED, and go straight to college. It was a terrible time to be honest.”
The difference in pediatric vs. adult care
“The transition happened quite fast as I was being referred to an adult surgeon for my complications that the pediatric team were not experienced or educated enough to treat for Crohn’s. I was thrown in the water with no guidance when I started seeing physicians who treated adults with Crohn’s. The pediatric GI team would dumb some things down for me and make my problems not seem “as bad.” As soon as complications started arising, they threw the towel in and basically told me they couldn’t help me anymore and would be better off seeing a care team with more experience with my symptoms and complications.”-Chrissy
Natasha experienced the transition about 13 years ago. Her pediatric team helped her choose an adult GI. And the guidance didn’t stop there.
“My pediatric GI told me who she wanted for me and then went with me to interview the doctors in the adult team. Once I chose, my pediatric GI attended every appointment with me until we all agreed I was ready to move into the next step of my care, which luckily was quickly. And the two doctors stayed in communication. My advice—be open with your doctor.”
Natasha recommends asking yourself the following questions to help streamline the process and make it less nerve-wracking.
What are you looking for in your next step of care?
What are you looking for during the transition process?
What is important to you in a physician?
Do your own research
“I had an AMAZING pediatric GI when I switched, and I just went with who she recommended. Looking back, I wish I did my research because he is not who I would have chosen for myself. I would recommend doing your own research and make sure whoever you find is willing to work with you and thoroughly go through your medical history and all your results. Too many doctors seem to just think they know everything, but we know our bodies best and need to have a medical team who lets us advocate for ourselves.”-Danielle
Jennie has lived with IBD for nearly 20 years. She has a PhD, works in IBD care, and recognizes she has the privilege of a strong support network and insurance. As an IBD psychologist she recognizes how difficult the system and transition can be for everyone involved.
“I was diagnosed with IBD at 12 and transitioned to adult care around age 18. I was extremely sick at the time and ended up having a proctocolectomy within months of transitioning. I think the biggest things for me were the notable shift in culture between the peds and adult world, and the insurance pieces. It’s so much for kids and families. Lastly. I’ve noticed the transition is nuanced for my parents who were so good at being my advocates, they will still offer to call the doctor if I tell them I am not feeling well, and they have a tough time not having the same significant role they did when I was younger.”
Allie was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when she was 12. Her mom attended all her appointments until she turned 18, and only stopped going then because she was out of state for college and seeing a pediatric GI there until she turned 22. Allie’s mom kept a medical binder of all her procedures, lab results, and details about her patient journey. She says when she phased out of pediatrics and started taking matters into her own hands, she found the binder her mom made to be beneficial—Allie found herself referring to it when she couldn’t remember everything.
“What helped the transition the most was going to appointments on my own when I turned 18. I felt more prepared to speak for myself when I switched to an adult GI.”
Allie’s mom also inspired her to ask the tough questions. After witnessing how her mom spoke up to doctors it empowered her to speak up and stop minimizing her struggles. By watching how her mom handled appointments, it inspired Allie to write down all her questions and concerns before doctor appointments, so she doesn’t forget anything.
“My mom asked me what fights I wanted her to fight for me and what I wanted to do myself. She guided me on what I might need to ask about when I had no clue—even as an adult she still offers to help call insurance companies to fight authorization battles. She gave me space to live my life when I turned 18. She worried, but she never hounded me for updates (are you taking your medication?, how are you feeling? Are you eating ok?”…but she always conveyed support (both my parents did) when I needed it most she showed up.”
Sari recommends young adults with IBD to ease into taking control of their care as early as possible.
“Things like refilling your own meds, scheduling your own appointments, and driving yourself to appointments goes a long way when it comes to learning how to stay organized and advocate for yourself. You don’t want to be doing all those things for the first time when you go to college or a start a new job—too many scary or unknown things at once!”
Check out what pediatric GI’s have to say about bridging the gap and ensure continuation of care.
Dr. Sandra Kim, MD, Associate Professor of Pediatrics, Director, Inflammatory Bowel Disease Center, UPMC Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh, says, “Transition is the preparation process while the young adult/teens are still under the care of the pediatric team. Transfer of care is the actual “handoff” when the young adult moves from the pediatric GI team to the adult GI providers. Teens want independence but struggle with disease knowledge and self-management skills. Therefore, the pediatric GI team needs to help the teen (and the family, too!) by being active listeners, communicators, and educators. The healthcare team also should utilize things like transition tools.”
Dr. Kim went on to say that GI doctors need to assess how teens are doing on the road to greater independence and that shared decision-making helps build partnerships between adult and pediatric GI providers.
For the adult GI team:
Collaborate with the peds team in the initial stages of care transfer.
Anticipate existing gaps of knowledge and self – management skills
Prepare for more time during appointments for questions, additional education, and working with the family. Parents need help during this time of care transfer, too!
Woman patient signing medical documents discussing medication treatment with african american practitioner in hospital office during clinical consultation. Doctor physician explaining disease symptoms
Dr. Jonathan D. Moses, Assistant Professor of Pediatrics, Director, Pediatric Inflammatory Bowel Disease Program, UH Rainbow Babies and Children’s Hospital, explained how his hospital has a multidisciplinary pediatric IBD team that engages patients in a Health Maintenance Education Clinic as early as 11 years old.
“This allows them to build up the self-management skills needed for a successful transition to adult GI, when they are ready. In lieu of this resource, parents can engage their health care providers about ways to get their child more involved in their care and provide them with the autonomy, and support, to take over aspects of their care over a period of time.”
Dr. Hilary Michel, MD, Assistant Professor of Clinical Pediatrics, Nationwide Children’s Hospital, says a successful transition from pediatric to adult care requires that young folks have developed the knowledge and skills needed to understand and manage their disease independently.
“This knowledge and skill is not gained overnight, and ideally should be obtained gradually. Transfer to adult care should be planned in advance, when a patient is feeling well and has a good grasp on their disease management, so there are no gaps between peds and adult care. Parents and families can help the process by allowing teens to speak with their healthcare providers alone, gradually share care responsibilities, encourage them to learn about their disease, and highlight their successes.”
How this works in real time:
Patients can listen and participate in their visits.
Set goals with your healthcare team and work toward them, ask questions and share your opinions.
Healthcare teams can help by providing a non-judgmental space, listening attentively, encouraging young people’s success, engaging patients in decisions, checking for understanding, getting to know patients as people (talk about school, friends, activities), and connecting patients with resources
Dr. Whitney Marie Sunseri, MD, Pediatric Gastroenterologist, Assistant Professor of Pediatrics, UPMC Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh, says “I always encourage a step-wise approach to transitioning to the adult world. I encourage patients to know their diagnosis, what medications they take and when, to recall their last scopes, and to be able to report all of their symptoms without the assistance of their parents. Then as they get older, and closer to the time of transition, I encourage them to look into different adult doctors. I give recommendations as well.”
Dr. Sunseri advises caregivers and patients to be proactive and look at reviews of doctors and who is in their insurance network. She says the most important visit is the one where patients follow up with her after their first adult visit to make sure it was a good fit and that they are in good hands.
“It’s bittersweet watching these children grow in so many ways and head off into the hands of another provider. Your heart swells with pride and breaks at the same time.”
Resources and Communities of Support
Sneha was diagnosed with Crohn’s at age six. She’s now 23 and still figuring out what her future will look like with IBD. As she grew up, she couldn’t find a community of young adults. This inspired her to create Generation Patient and the Crohn’s and Colitis Young Adults Network.
“Peer support during this transition is critical, so we host seven virtual community meetings. We have hosted over 250 of these peer support meetings over the last two years. I think peer support should be seen as essential during this transition period and it has been the best thing to come out of living with IBD.”
Generation Patient: Instagram–@generationpatient
CCYN: Instagram–@ccyanetwork
Join the American College of Gastroenterology Thursday, May 4, 2022 at Noon and 8 pm ET for a discussion about “Empowering Patients Through the Transition of Care in IBD”. Click here to register.
There’s no black and white approach when it comes to managing and treating inflammatory bowel disease. Newsflash—you don’t need to choose between medication and diet (nutrition). You can do both! This week on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s, we hear from registered dietitian and ulcerative colitis warrior, Ashley Hurst, about how her personal patient journey inspired her to look into targeted strategies for improving quality of life with IBD.
Ashley was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at age 24, but she remembers symptoms starting when she was 7 years old. She lacked support for a long time, so her symptoms became her “normal” reality. When she was in college, she sought help for two years before she finally was able to get a diagnosis.
“I went to several doctors who dismissed my concerns thinking the bleeding was just fissures or hemorrhoids. It wasn’t until I was in a nutrition class in college, that I realized it might be something more. I remember reading about Crohn’s and ulcerative colitis and feeling like I was reading about all my symptoms.”
Finally, the fourth doctor she went to diagnosed her with IBD. She experienced a gamut of emotions ranging from relief to disbelief. More than anything, her diagnosis was a huge financial burden. At the time, she was working 2-3 jobs without health insurance. She couldn’t afford medication or even a colonoscopy bill.
“Since I couldn’t afford medications, I relied on nutrition and my own protocol. Once I was more financially stable, and had health insurance, I was able to start mesalamine rectal enemas and oral tablets, while sticking to my nutrition plan.
A preference for finding the balance between diet and medication
“Nutrition and medication have been lifesaving for me at times and I’ve found I prefer doing a bit of both (and so does my gut!). When choosing what route to go for IBD, often we feel a sense of guilt around taking medications. However, it’s important to remember that with whatever treatment route we go, we must weigh the risks versus the benefits.”
An uncontrolled flare is a risk and can impact our quality of life significantly. If you aren’t comfortable with medications your doctor has recommended, you can always ask what other options are available. It’s important to feel good about whatever treatment route you are taking and remember it’s your body, and your choice—just be prepared to face the consequences of active disease and hospitalization if you attempt to go against medical advice and take matters into your own hands. There is a fine balance distinguishing what triggers you and how best your disease is controlled.
The story behind The Crohn’s and Colitis Dietitians
When Ashley initially worked as a registered dietitian, she didn’t specialize in IBD. But as the years went by, she realized Crohn’s and Colitis patients were her favorite people to work with.
“I felt drawn to supporting IBD patients like myself and saw what a need there was for IBD specialized dietitians. Four years ago, I lost my cousin and close friend who had Crohn’s, and he left a lasting impact on me that further increased my desire to make a greater impact in the Crohn’s & Colitis community. He inspired me to be open about my diagnosis and get more connected with others who have IBD.”
Once Ashley decided to specialize in IBD, she quickly discovered how fulfilling it was to do work that has a lasting impact. Ashley says many people seek their support for IBD nutrition, but often feel like they need to choose one or the other.
“Most IBD research studies on both dietary strategies and targeted supplementation for IBD look at participants that are also on medications. Research continues to show that a combined approach using both medications and nutrition is the best path and can help increase chances of remission. It can be tempting to try and experiment by doing one thing at a time to see what works. However, there is currently no one cure for IBD, so treatments typically do involve a multi-faceted approach.”
As business started booming, rather than create a wait list, she brought on three other dietitians. Ashley and her team specialize in providing medical nutrition therapy for Crohn’s and Colitis patients, but also tackle SIBO, acid reflux, allergies, EOE, and much more. All four of the dietitians on the team have IBD, so they understand the patient perspective and the urgency to reach relief.
“As a team, we’ve had the privilege of working with hundreds of patients with digestive challenges, and we have witnessed the remarkable transformations that are possible. We are passionate about helping people not only find relief but make peace with food again.”
Like a fish out of water concerning diet
Many of the people with IBD who Ashley speaks with express that they were dismissed when asking their provider for a dietitian referral.
“The most common thing I hear is- “I Googled what to eat for IBD and Google left me with what NOT to eat for IBD and I feel even more confused with all the conflicting information!” It’s true, the internet is filled with conflicting information on this topic. This leaves people feeling afraid of food and often only eating just a few “safe foods”. Oftentimes these self-imposed food restrictions are unnecessary and lead to malnutrition, loss, low microbiome diversity, poor gut health, and ironically more symptoms!”
This is where Ashley and her team come in. They help those with IBD sort through all the nonsense and get to what really matters most and what works on an individualized basis.
“We are interested in supporting IBD patients, not just while they work with us, but for the long haul! We equip our patients with tools to learn so that they feel confident navigating nutrition even after they leave. We also offer a variety of free and low-cost educational resources on our website and Instagram for those people who just need a next step.”
How to know if you’re truly “healing” your IBD with food
The first question Ashley asks fellow patients she consults with is—is your nutritional approach working? The only way to know is to confirm through colonoscopy and inflammatory lab or stool markers.
“Symptoms alone are not always a great indicator of how our IBD is doing. It is important to monitor your IBD even if you are feeling better to make sure your disease is not progressing.”
Medication is not the “easy way out” and is not a sign of failure
Ashley and her team work with many IBD patients who are on biologics and utilize nutrition as a complementary approach to allow their medications to work better.
“Medications often lower certain nutrients, so one way you can support yourself long term is to check for deficiencies regularly. Some nutrients like zinc and vitamin D we need to regulate inflammation and help support our digestive tract lining. Ensuring they are at appropriate levels can help prevent flares. Vitamin D especially tends to get low with inflammation and is correlated with flare frequency and severity.”
Many patients avoid fiber because they fear it will trigger symptoms. Personally, I remember the first decade of living with Crohn’s, I was told I couldn’t have more than 5 mg of fiber per serving, which I now know is not the case.
“Understanding nutrition can help with expanding your diet. Research shows the importance of fiber for IBD for inflammation reduction, preventing flares and also complications. However, fiber is the most common thing IBD patients avoid. There are many ways you can approach expanding your diet without triggering symptoms and working with an IBD dietitian can help you navigate this better.”
The Roadmap of Nutrition
On average, Crohn’s and Colitis Dietitians helps clients reduce their IBD symptoms by 50-75%. Most report that their other big takeaways are improved energy and feeling more at peace with their food choices.
“We help you achieve this through working with people in a group setting and one-on-one. With one-on-one work we see people for a total of 6 months. It starts off with an intake session where we get to know your goals and your whole story with IBD and outside of IBD. After this session we put together a customized treatment plan that is your roadmap forward.”
The process includes dietary guidance (what to prioritize in the diet) and often targeted supplementation recommendations too. After this session, Ashley and her team see people each month in sessions to monitor progress and troubleshoot anything that comes up.
“We also offer access to us through chat throughout the whole 6 months for any questions that come up. We offer customized meal planning and video modules designed to help you.”
IBD is not your fault. It’s important to remember you didn’t sign up for this and you shouldn’t have to carry the weight of it alone.
“It can be incredibly helpful to have a team around you to support you through flares and the ups and downs of IBD. An IBD focused dietitian can help you navigate what to eat, treat nutrient deficiencies, sort through best options for targeted supplementation and help you reduce IBD symptoms.”
Outsource your stress. It’s overwhelming to juggle all the proverbial IBD balls in the air.
“Having a support team alleviates stress. It’s calming to know you don’t have to think through every decision and worry by yourself. It helps to have someone to lean on and takes the weight off your shoulders.
Don’t base your journey off what works for others. Just because you see someone proclaim their success by treating their IBD with food, doesn’t mean you’ll have the same experience. Before making any rash moves with your treatment plan, it’s imperative you communicate with your care team and get medically guided advice vs. following what you see someone post on Instagram. Same goes for medications—just because one person has had a great response on a biologic, does not mean you’ll have the same response.
Here are what some patients have to say about their experience:
“I’m so glad I started this program. I had to stop biologics due to developing antibodies and have been off biologics for over six months and since starting with the Crohn’s and Colitis Dietitians, I feel better than when I was on them. I only wish I found this program earlier.” -A.T.
“During the 6 months I was with Crohn’s and Colitis Dietitians- my symptoms of diarrhea and urgency reduced significantly, I have more energy and my inflammation decreased from over 100 to 38 (fecal calprotectin). Even my doctor was surprised and curious about what I had been doing with my nutrition!” -S
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