It’s never easy to see your baby under the weather. It’s a hopeless feeling when the only way they can communicate is by crying or acting differently. It’s difficult to manage your own chronic illness and keep yourself from spiraling out of control, as you worry about the well-being of your little one. It’s been a rough few days in the Hayden household—our almost 13-month-old son has been battling days of hives and an allergic reaction that we can’t seem to pinpoint.
The perplexing nature of his health and the unknown of what the next hour will bring, is reminiscent of life with Crohn’s disease. Trying to manage symptoms to bring comfort, the mystery of what’s sparked the problem and the emotional rollercoaster that goes along with it.
As an IBD mom, my focus is solely on getting my son to feel better. But, it’s difficult to take this on as you battle your own disease that preys on stress and worry. A disease that tends to surface when you’re going through difficult times. A disease that tries to distract you from the task at hand. It’s been exhausting to carry my son back and forth with me to bathroom as he crawls around and pulls on the toilet paper. As I feel burning sensations in my abdomen at the end of the day, the internal conversation of what could be happening within my own body consumes my thoughts. I can’t help but worry that I can’t go down. I can’t allow my disease to flare when my family needs me most.
I’m going to pause now and say something to all the moms and dads who have children with a complex medical condition. A condition that requires daily care, attention and worry. I simply can not imagine all you endure. Reid has hives. We’ll get to the bottom of it. We’ve talked to the pediatrician, gone to urgent care and have plans to see an allergist. But this reality is NOTHING compared to what so many families face every day. So, the last thing I want to do is sound like I think I have it so bad—because trust me, I keep everything in perspective and know I’ve been blessed with a healthy baby. My goal is to provide insight into motherhood with IBD and the challenges it can present at times.
As we endure life’s unexpected ups and downs—it’s imperative we listen to our bodies, get as much rest as possible and stay on top of disease management. As most mothers do, we tend to put our needs to the wayside. But, in doing so, you set yourself up as an easier target for your disease. It’s a difficult balance, but managing your own illness still needs to be a priority. When you have a spouse and children, your IBD is not just about you, but your entire family. Ask for help when you need it. Take your daily medication and stay away from trigger foods that can ignite additional symptoms. Run an errand by yourself. Take a long shower. Give yourself time to process the stress you are going through and remember to breathe.
As an IBD mom, by taking care of myself, I know it’s part of how I take care of my son. He is completely dependent on my husband and me. If you lose sight of the importance of caring for yourself and doing all your can to control your disease, it will come back to bite you in the ass. Literally and figuratively.
I’m only 13 months into motherhood. Each day is a learning experience. Much like my initial diagnosis of Crohn’s disease nearly 13 years ago, I know I’ll continue to grow and find comfort in my new role. Navigating unknown waters and experiencing illness within your child is all part of it. No matter how many years go by, as parents, we’ll never be experts, but we’ll continue to evolve and discover what works for us personally and as a family.
Find the balance. Use your voice. Your journey as a patient has prepared you for motherhood in ways you never thought possible. Trust your mom gut. As women with IBD, there will be difficult days when the brain fog, fatigue and pain overwhelms you and you have to push through to care for your child. But, there will be many more days where you feel strong and happy—and your child will look up at you with love in their eyes and a smile on their face and remind you that you’re the best thing in their life. Hold on to the feel good days, the magical moments—and know that while the tough times in parenting and as a patient are draining, they are fleeting.