The moniker “IBD Mom” is commonly used in the patient community. As a mom with Crohn’s disease who has three children, I focus a great deal of my advocacy efforts on family planning, pregnancy, and motherhood. But I recognize the decision and choice to have children isn’t for everyone. Studies on voluntary childlessness among people with IBD suggest a higher prevalence compared to the general population. Research has indicated that concerns about health, the impact of the disease on parenting ability, and the potential genetic transmission of IBD are significant factors influencing this decision.
So, what about the women who make the personal and often emotional decision not to have children or who didn’t have the option to choose, due to health complications? This week on Lights, Camera, Crohn’s a look at being childfree and the many factors that may deter people from becoming parents. You’ll hear from several women in the IBD community about their decision.
Key factors that influence being childfree
- Disease Activity: Active IBD puts a halt on family planning, as women are told to be in remission 3-6 months prior to conception. The unpredictability of the disease can make finding the right timing to have a baby tricky. If a woman conceives while flaring, there is a much greater likelihood of flaring during pregnancy.
- Medications: Some of the medications used to manage IBD can pose risks to a developing fetus. If a woman finally finds a treatment protocol that gets her IBD under control it can feel daunting to stop and risk losing remission.
- Surgical History: Surgeries for IBD, especially those involving the intestines and rectum, can affect fertility and pregnancy outcomes.
- Genetic Considerations: IBD has a genetic component, meaning there is a risk of passing the disease on to offspring. While this is a major deterrent for many, it’s important to understand what that risk is. For Crohn’s, there’s a 7% of passing on your disease and even less for ulcerative colitis. When both parents have IBD that number goes up astronomically.
- Physical and Emotional Well-Being: Managing IBD is physically and emotionally demanding, trying to imagine what it is like to care for yourself and take care of a child can be overwhelming for many.
Firsthand accounts from the patient community
Kat: “This doesn’t mean I won’t change my mind in the future, but my health has had a huge impact on why I have decided not to have kids. I think a big part of not wanting to carry a baby anymore is because of the trauma my body went through when I was sick in my 20s.”
Rachel: “I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease almost three years ago, and I’m on my second biologic. I’m 25 and have decided that I don’t want to carry my own children. Due to the currently unknown effects of biologic drugs on development, but also the risks for myself coming off a biologic and flaring. I have also considered the complications of having a c-section before or after other potential abdominal surgeries and the complications from that. The main one for me though is also the genetic chance of passing IBD on to my kids. I have always been open to adoption anyway and have decided this is the route I would pursue if I do decide to have children.”
Kate: “We are going through fertility treatments after five years of secondary infertility and I chose to stop to start Rinvoq and save my rectum. I am not having my eggs retrieved and frozen in the hopes that we find a gestational carrier for our embryos.”
Kendall: “I am 30 and single and haven’t made the firm decision to be childfree, but as I get older and my Crohn’s disease gets more challenging, it’s definitely something that I’ve been questioning. Wondering if I will have the health and energy to be able to take care of myself and my kids. I worry about the impact of pregnancy on my body and of course finances are also a consideration.”
Alesha: “I’ve questioned being a mother. I’m 33 and I was diagnosed with Crohn’s in 2022. After having a perforated small intestine in 2015, an ostomy for 6 months, and the reversal in 2016…only to suffer with so much pain from the scar tissue being so narrow. I’d visit the hospital a few times a year and try to work through the pain. Now, I’ve been on Stelara for a little over a year. It’s been helping, it’s just hard to be told that the medication will be lifelong. While I desire to be a mom, I just don’t know how my body will respond.”
Liz: “I have chosen not to have kids for many Crohn’s reasons: Having to come off meds to protect pregnancy, the risk of flares and them causing infertility anyway (my periods always stop in a flare), the massive risk from common childhood illnesses, adhesions due to surgery and just the added stress and time needed to devote to a kid to raise them is something I just can’t do on top of a career as a doctor.”
Meredith: “I’m currently in this situation now. My husband and I held off having kids until we were ready (different components here—moving, reaching career milestones, enjoying our lives as they were, but in the past few years we felt we were ready except my body wasn’t. I had a terrible flare that knocked me on my ass for about a year and then I was put on my methotrexate and was told I could not become pregnant, or I would need a medical abortion. I’ve since gotten off that medicine but was told to hold off trying until after my colonoscopy. I had another small flare, and my GI wants me to wait until I’m healthier. He says, “healthy mom, healthy baby” and I don’t think he’s wrong, but it isn’t what I want to hear. So now, I’m just waiting to see what happens.”
Sarah: “Not sure what I’m looking for because I have two kids, but I had them prior to my Crohn’s diagnosis at age 30. The diagnosis prevented us from having more children. We always planned on four kids, but because of my diagnosis, we didn’t continue to try and only have our two that I had before developing Crohn’s.”
Belinda: “We’ve decided not to have any kids. I know my history with my Crohn’s hasn’t been as bad as some other ladies who would struggle to conceive and carry a child. I might have been fine to. I had two resection surgeries, at age 24 and 39. The first one was very traumatic, and I was very sick for many, many years. I just didn’t ever feel I wanted to take a risk to “rock the boat” as I’m always trying to keep my health stable. I didn’t feel I had it in me to manage a potentially difficult or risky pregnancy or bad flare after the baby. I do think there might be other reasons why we’ve decided not to have kids, so it might not be fair to blame it all on my Crohn’s. I’ve never had the urge or yearning to be a mom. It’s very prevalent in my family, too. Three out of four cousins on my dad’s side have Crohn’s and my mom’s cousin does, too. The nature of the world, healthcare issues, and so many other issues make me wonder if it influences would-be mothers. Our health is already such a scary unpredictable element of our being…who has the capacity to navigate it all?”
Kelsey: “I’m childfree by choice! I’m a professional auntie. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis after I had already made that decision, but it has 100% solidified it. I’ve watched my other childfree friends waiver with their decisions and some choose to have children later in life.”
Deanna: “I got married in October and my husband and I talk about this a lot. I never expected I’d be childless, but I don’t have a strong drive to have children either. The fact that the decision was made for me is something I am trying to navigate emotionally.”
Jessica: “I was always on the fence about children, even when meeting my partner six years ago when we were 25. I decided a few years ago that I did not want to have children. While there were a few factors in my decision, my ulcerative colitis was a big decision to choose not to. Stress and lack of sleep (I need at least 8 hour a night) are a prime duo for flare ups for me. I knew that if I was going to be lacking sleep in the many stages of childhood, and stressed many times, I wouldn’t be able to care for myself, and therefore wouldn’t be able to truly take care of children. I know there are so many moms out there with IBD or another autoimmune disease that are rocking it, but this was the right choice for me.”
Courtney: “To be honest, having children was just never something that was on my mind in my twenties and thirties. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in college and had a colectomy in graduate school. During most of that time, I was in a 10-year relationship. Towards the end, it became clear we had different ideas about where our futures were headed. He wanted a traditional family life in a small town, and I wanted to focus on my career and stay close to my medical team in an urban area.”
Ashley: “I’ve been really scared due to medical trauma and not feeling ready to trust my body. It’s hard because I have a strong desire to have a child, but it would also mean putting myself back into situations that genuinely scare me.”
Kaycie: “My IBD is one of the several reasons I decided to be childfree. I was so sick throughout my early to mid-20s when I finally went into remission in my late 20s, the last thing I wanted was to risk falling out of it to have a child. I’m in my mid-30s now, living abroad for work, traveling all the time, and able to have the freedom I craved in my 20s when I was chained to a toilet with my ulcerative colitis. A child just doesn’t fit the life I’ve built, and my husband and I are happy with that choice.”
Lauren: “I miscarried many years ago and was told I was high risk at the time and that it would be a battle to get pregnant and carry full term. After being diagnosed with Crohn’s, I didn’t think it would be healthy to try further with my body. With so many flares and surgeries, we decided if we had children we’d adopt. It was like grieving a major loss of something I’d always wanted. I love my life and my marriage. I had a few great years of remission and have been flaring for about one year now. I’m not comfortable adopting when my health is so on and off. I don’t think it’s fair to a child or my husband to not always be present.”
J: “For me, every time we were going to try for a second child, something my with health would come up. I’ve had a collapsed lung, broken rib, inflamed pleural pace, and IBD flares. Between all those health setbacks, coupled with chronic fatigue, it felt like I couldn’t get to a place healthy enough to support a second pregnancy and even if I could, I wouldn’t have the energy to survive the first three months postpartum with such little sleep going on. So, we opted to no go for more and be as present as we could for our existing child.”
Casey: “My husband and I have had a to delay trying to conceive due to a flare and were going to delay trying even further as I just had to switch from Humira to the biosimilar, Hyrimoz. I don’t want to be pregnant while navigating a chance in medication in case it doesn’t work the same.”
Hannah: “There is still quite a lot of taboo around being childfree and it isn’t something I feel I can share with everyone. I don’t have a strong desire to be a mother. It’s difficult to know how much of that is due to my challenging childhood and adolescence due to my Crohn’s. I have a vivid memory from when I was 11 years old watching my siblings playing outside from the bedroom window and of being very upset that I didn’t have the energy to join them. That memory is very poignant and painful for me. It’s one that has been at the forefront of my mind as a 34-year-old woman as I decide whether to remain childfree. I fear repeating that feeling of being at the periphery but this time as a mother, rather than as an 11-year-old girl. Another fear is that I might pass on Crohn’s to my child. While the risk is small, I would find that difficult to bear.”
Lizzy: “I’ve had IBD for almost two years. I am on Remicade and methotrexate. Since methotrexate can’t be taken during pregnancy, it would be concerning number one of having to switch to a pregnancy-safe alternative and hope it works as well as my current regimen. Additionally, periods make my Crohn’s symptoms worse, so I haven’t had a period in over a year due to birth control. Having to get off birth control and deal with horrible symptoms sounds miserable. I get sick when I don’t sleep, and it wouldn’t be fair to always make my partner get up in the middle of the night. I am also gay so going through the stress of IVF or artificial insemination when trying to maintain Crohn’s remission would be stressful.”
Sexual and reproductive considerations
Amy Bugwadia is an MD student with scholarly concentration in medical education/health equity and social justice at Stanford. She collaborated with some IBD patients and clinicians and authored a paper about sexual and reproductive health considerations. She says, “while we were writing and listening to patient feedback there were a few salient themes:”
- Mis and dis-information
- Stigma: patients being too shy or not knowing if this is a topic that they can or should talk to their GI about
- Confusion about language: Doctors saying “you can’t get pregnant while on this med”—do they mean “difficulty getting pregnant” due to potential infertility or “should not get pregnant” due to potential medication impacts on the fetus.
- Outdated information: Many patients (especially when young) have been on the certain medication for a long time, but as time has gone on, we have new/updated data on safety profiles that not all patients are up to date on, especially relevant for pediatric patients as they transition to young adulthood.
Read the full study that Amy co-authored here: Sexual and reproductive health considerations in the care of young adults with inflammatory bowel disease: A multidisciplinary conversation – ScienceDirect
Concluding thoughts and additional resources
Voluntary childlessness or being childfree among individuals with IBD is a multifaceted issue influenced by health concerns, genetic considerations, quality of life, and psychosocial factors. As you heard from several IBD women, the decision to remain childfree is often a carefully considered and personal choice determined after talking with healthcare providers, significant others, family, and support networks. I hope after reading this you feel less alone if this is your reality—whether it’s something you’ve always wanted or if it’s a decision you struggle with.
Voluntary childlessness is increased in women with inflammatory bowel disease – PubMed (nih.gov)
Sexual health and fertility for individuals with inflammatory bowel disease – PMC (nih.gov)
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